Brilliant Obituaries

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by MrShanklysboots, Jun 7, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. God rest the Soul of LCpl Cochran, 1 Mercians, and all respect to him and his family.

    But I couldn't stop a little smile when I read this from his CO

    Absolute Gold.

    Possibly the best from beyond the grave was Gnr Millingtons, written on his gravestone:

    "Here lies Spike Milligan. I told you I was ill."

    Any others out there in Arrseworld?
  2. In the manner of W.C. Fields, when I peg it, I'd like "I'd rather be here than in Strabane" on my headstone.

    Fcuking sh1thole
  3. "Not dead but sleeping - whose he kidding?" has appealed to me...

    A lad in my village was killed in an agricultural accident - one of the things everyone mentioned at his funeral was his abysmal dancing style and his spray on squaddie-style white jeans.
  4. The cunt still owes me a tenner
  5. Poor young.
  6. Only permitted by the humour-deprived of the Chichester Diocese after it had been translated into Irish Gaelic (I know he had one of their passports, but he could have picked a civilised version of the tongue ...)

  7. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Book Reviewer Good Egg (charities)

    Not on a headstone, but on the order of service for the comedian known as Hovis Presley

    'As good things go,

    He went.'
  8. Not Obituaries, but headstone instead, most probably fake.



  9. "He was soon planning his escape from the Southern General Hospital back to the front, bizarrely choosing to attend a nurses only dance in their billets, disguised as a nurse, before finally making his escape. He recorded, however, that his monocle was a dead give-away, and that the particularly unpleasant Matron was suitably unimpressed with his antics."

  10. Again not an Obituary, made me laugh.

    Attached Files:

  11. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)


    I quite like this one though, it's rather quintessentially British:
  12. Wintle then attempted to steal an aircraft (with which he intended to invade France) and upon being prevented, he threatened a bureaucratic officer with a gun. For this he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. On the way to his prison, the Lieutenant colonel was escorted by a young soldier via the train. The soldier is reported to have lost the arrest warrant and, disgusted by this, Wintle declared the man incompetent, told him to wait where he was and went to get a new warrant. Seeing that there was no other officers of higher rank at the warrant office, he signed the paper himself.

  13. udipur

    udipur LE Book Reviewer

    Those were halcyon days in the 1990's with the Big Breakfast. Not only did you get a fair gaze at the lovely DVO over your cereal but there was the added bonus of JV reading out obits that had caught his attention.

    In his eye bulging way, he would read the highlights of military endeavours, oft lost in history, as survivors of some horrendous campaigns gently faded away one last time.

    My favourite was the RM orifice who stood up on the beach in Normandy, whilst everyone else was fornicating the sand for protection from the lead filled air, in order that his men had a clear idea of where to look for instruction and therefore who to follow. Plums of titanium.
  14. The Telegraph with its little understatements.... "He never married." etc.