Brew Fund

After having got match fit with my brew drinking, I'm woried that there is a risk of brew fund fraud brewing in the office.

Every month, everyone has to chip in a couple of quid and the same person is tasked with buying tea, coffee and milk. The problem is, the lack of oversight and accountability means that this colleague is regularly walking around with upwards of a cool £50 in his pocket. I'm worried that this guy is stealing some of the cash, or worse, buying fresh milk for himself and palming the rest of us off with disgusting UHT milk.

I'm thinking of asking this so-called brew-meister if different refreshments can be bought with the brew fund just to see what his reaction is. Whats the best way to confirm if this guy is a tea-leaf and taking us all for mugs?
 
Just get him in a dark alley and beat the living shit out of him, dressed as a chimp, shouting "You're stealing the food out of the mouths of my babies you cuntish tea leaf" and when he comes in covered in blood and regailing the story to everyone, just have a quiet word with senior management about his apparent alcoholism.
 
After having got match fit with my brew drinking, I'm woried that there is a risk of brew fund fraud brewing in the office.

Every month, everyone has to chip in a couple of quid and the same person is tasked with buying tea, coffee and milk. The problem is, the lack of oversight and accountability means that this colleague is regularly walking around with upwards of a cool £50 in his pocket. I'm worried that this guy is stealing some of the cash, or worse, buying fresh milk for himself and palming the rest of us off with disgusting UHT milk.

I'm thinking of asking this so-called brew-meister if different refreshments can be bought with the brew fund just to see what his reaction is. Whats the best way to confirm if this guy is a tea-leaf and taking us all for mugs?
It's a scam as old as prostitution.
Kick the cnut in the head and take over the ' blag' or otherwise pay a bit extra for morning coffee.
 

jim30

LE
Was the first hint that something was wrong when the officers mess stopped providing fresh coffee and Party Biscuits?
 
After having got match fit with my brew drinking, I'm woried that there is a risk of brew fund fraud brewing in the office.

Every month, everyone has to chip in a couple of quid and the same person is tasked with buying tea, coffee and milk. The problem is, the lack of oversight and accountability means that this colleague is regularly walking around with upwards of a cool £50 in his pocket. I'm worried that this guy is stealing some of the cash, or worse, buying fresh milk for himself and palming the rest of us off with disgusting UHT milk.

I'm thinking of asking this so-called brew-meister if different refreshments can be bought with the brew fund just to see what his reaction is. Whats the best way to confirm if this guy is a tea-leaf and taking us all for mugs?
Just kneecap the thieving fucker... he'll protest his innocence like any other filthy bastard tea leaf and that just confirms his guilt.

He won't nick the tea fund again, that's for sure and neither will the non crippled replacement tea gopher either. Jobs a goodun.
 
1,000 perforations let the flavour flood out.

Shank him with a sharpened spoon.
 
@jim30 - I have now worked for the CS (DWP) for a year, and can honestly say I've never worked in a place so full of petty theft. Spoons, tea bags, sugar, milk etc. Everyone buys their own and woe betide anyone who, like me, puts stuff in the cupboard in the kitchen - it will be purloined. So far, I have bought 64 spoons - I fear saturation point is 465 - the total number of people in the building. Is it like that at the MoD?
 
@jim30 - I have now worked for the CS (DWP) for a year, and can honestly say I've never worked in a place so full of petty theft. Spoons, tea bags, sugar, milk etc. Everyone buys their own and woe betide anyone who, like me, puts stuff in the cupboard in the kitchen - it will be purloined. So far, I have bought 64 spoons - I fear saturation point is 465 - the total number of people in the building. Is it like that at the MoD?
Pardon me for butting in but I found the best way to avoid my spoons, cups and teabags etc., being swiped from the company kitchen was to place them in a bucket of shit before putting it in the cupboard.

Never had a problem after that.
 
Pardon me for butting in but I found the best way to avoid my spoons, cups and teabags etc., being swiped from the company kitchen was to place them in a bucket of shit before putting it in the cupboard.

Never had a problem after that.
Well, the bucket of shit won't be hard to find - it appears to be what the 'cleaner' uses to clean the desks :(
 
The first rule of brew club is you don't talk about brew club
 

jim30

LE
@jim30 - I have now worked for the CS (DWP) for a year, and can honestly say I've never worked in a place so full of petty theft. Spoons, tea bags, sugar, milk etc. Everyone buys their own and woe betide anyone who, like me, puts stuff in the cupboard in the kitchen - it will be purloined. So far, I have bought 64 spoons - I fear saturation point is 465 - the total number of people in the building. Is it like that at the MoD?
There was one occasion when someone put a pompous a note on a fridge directed to a food thief who kept stealing lunches going 'you will be caught'.

It was such a masterpiece of pomposity that i felt obliged to reply, so put up a note with an image of the macdonalds hamburglar going 'you'll never take me alive!'.

Which was genius until some wag responded with a picture of an actor wearing the hamburglar suit being arrested by real police and the tag 'crime doesnt pay'.

Put me right off my freshly acquired lunch that day.
 
I quite admire the brass neck of anyone who would steal lunches from a communal fridge. It shows real nerve & a commendable desire to save time & money.

I've been in a few places where charity tuck shops get raided on a regular basis by permanent staff. It seems callous on the face of it but when you analyse how the so-called charities spend their donations, the thefts can be seen as legitimate liberation.

As for the brew fund guy at my place, I'm just concerned that if I or a colleague fill him in, he won't run the fund anymore; we just don't want him to keep the change or buy uht milk. Perhaps if we start procuring more expensive items then he'll have less to keep.
 
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