Following secret tests on Okehampton Ranges this weekend, dstl are proud to report that a huge step forward in Counter mong Ops has been taken. The good news is that the revolutionary development does not require new technology but adapts existing skills, deployed throughtout the field Army. The breakthrough was tested during the Ten Tors expedition and demonstrated its truly amazing effects during the prize giving for Jubilee Challenge. Mongs, both dismounted and in mongpanzers, were subjected to bagpipe music. Some broke and ran, clutching their ears. Others merely stopped in their tracks and began rocking and moaning. Despite the distraction of shiny medals, balloons and videos, the effects of the bagpiping were severe and lasting. This may be the end of the primacy of mlaarers as a battlefield weapon, says a defence industry source. Further trials are to be conducted during the Edinburgh Tattoo. It is reported that all SCOTS bns are being moved up the Arms Plot in preparation for immediate CMO in Afghanistan next year, in the Spring balloon and ice cream season.