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Brawl

#1
convoy_cock said:
One of the lads at work got a Playstation 3 last week and offered me his Xbox 360 which was now surplus to requirements.

I don’t really play ‘em but I thought the kids would like it, so I gave him a few quid and he brought it in yesterday. There were a few free games with it, the particularly eyecatching one being ‘Gears of War’ I set up the system so the lads could play it last night, then thought I’d have a bit of a crack at it myself.

I couldn’t believe how fuc-king tricky it was. Hundreds of things to remember, in no particular order, I spent most of my time just hiding behind a hedge while everyone else got killed. After getting zapped a few times, I started to get bored and just pressed a few buttons and, hey presto, I got taken through to a secret menu screen. There was a big list of codes to enter. When I tapped in the one marked SCALEYBACK, I got taken through to another list of menus. I’ve never had so much fun in my life. It was just like being back in. There were various mini-games to play, all with a R.Sigs based theme. The attention to detail and realism was beyond compare.

One game, simply named ‘Kero Heater’ was brill. In the preamble, it told me that I was a ‘Signaller on an 8 hour radio stag’ All I had to do was sit, wrapped round a malfunctioning kero heater and drop snot gobblers on to it’s surface and watch them sizzle away. By pressing the A and B button quickly in conjunction, phlegm was dredged up from somewhere between the lungs and the pancreas, and flobbed onto the surface where “Your Troop Sergeant may well be making a toastie in the morning.”

Another game was called ‘Crypto Chase.’ It said, “You are due to handover shift in one hour. You have lost some Batco. You must find it before the hour is up or face the wrath of the Yeoman’ It was great. As the clock ticked down, the sense of impending doom was increased, by other signallers entering the tent laughing and shaking their heads, saying things like, “Whoah, you’re fu-cked, mate” and “Ha Ha, you c-unt, you’ll be doing my Christmas guard.” I searched round the 18 x 24, frantically pressing multi button combos in my fruitless hunt. When the hour was up, a digitised Yosser came in with the Badge and shouted, “No friends in Crypto, please give me your stripes.”

I’ll tell you, it was f-ucking brilliant. Before I knew it, the whole night had passed and I was sat there like a Gollum.

The last game before I unplugged it to go to work was ‘Guardroom Wake Up’ In it, you were a young Tom on a 24 hour guard duty. At the end of your stag, you have to try and wake up the laziest man in the regiment to take over from you. A simple pressing of A, B, X or Y just didn’t work. Pressing A just gave him a nudge on the shoulder and he kept saying, “I’ll be there in a minute” before starting to snore three seconds later. Pressing B just made your character say, “Come on you jack tw-at, it’s nearly ten past,” more threatening, but equally useless. By going on the net, I found a couple of cheats. By pressing Up, Down, X, Y, B, Down, Up, it gave you control of a hand held bumper, which you could bray the f-uck out of him with. This got him out of his scratcher sharpish and had the added bonus of earning you 100 “Unit hard man” points.

Have any other Arrsers encountered this weird submenu? I’d be interested to hear of any other mini games, that more authentically replicate the mundane military experience.
How do you do this,and how did you get on the secret menu?
 
#2
britishairborne said:
convoy_cock said:
One of the lads at work got a Playstation 3 last week and offered me his Xbox 360 which was now surplus to requirements.

I don’t really play ‘em but I thought the kids would like it, so I gave him a few quid and he brought it in yesterday. There were a few free games with it, the particularly eyecatching one being ‘Gears of War’ I set up the system so the lads could play it last night, then thought I’d have a bit of a crack at it myself.

I couldn’t believe how fuc-king tricky it was. Hundreds of things to remember, in no particular order, I spent most of my time just hiding behind a hedge while everyone else got killed. After getting zapped a few times, I started to get bored and just pressed a few buttons and, hey presto, I got taken through to a secret menu screen. There was a big list of codes to enter. When I tapped in the one marked SCALEYBACK, I got taken through to another list of menus. I’ve never had so much fun in my life. It was just like being back in. There were various mini-games to play, all with a R.Sigs based theme. The attention to detail and realism was beyond compare.

One game, simply named ‘Kero Heater’ was brill. In the preamble, it told me that I was a ‘Signaller on an 8 hour radio stag’ All I had to do was sit, wrapped round a malfunctioning kero heater and drop snot gobblers on to it’s surface and watch them sizzle away. By pressing the A and B button quickly in conjunction, phlegm was dredged up from somewhere between the lungs and the pancreas, and flobbed onto the surface where “Your Troop Sergeant may well be making a toastie in the morning.”

Another game was called ‘Crypto Chase.’ It said, “You are due to handover shift in one hour. You have lost some Batco. You must find it before the hour is up or face the wrath of the Yeoman’ It was great. As the clock ticked down, the sense of impending doom was increased, by other signallers entering the tent laughing and shaking their heads, saying things like, “Whoah, you’re fu-cked, mate” and “Ha Ha, you c-unt, you’ll be doing my Christmas guard.” I searched round the 18 x 24, frantically pressing multi button combos in my fruitless hunt. When the hour was up, a digitised Yosser came in with the Badge and shouted, “No friends in Crypto, please give me your stripes.”

I’ll tell you, it was f-ucking brilliant. Before I knew it, the whole night had passed and I was sat there like a Gollum.

The last game before I unplugged it to go to work was ‘Guardroom Wake Up’ In it, you were a young Tom on a 24 hour guard duty. At the end of your stag, you have to try and wake up the laziest man in the regiment to take over from you. A simple pressing of A, B, X or Y just didn’t work. Pressing A just gave him a nudge on the shoulder and he kept saying, “I’ll be there in a minute” before starting to snore three seconds later. Pressing B just made your character say, “Come on you jack tw-at, it’s nearly ten past,” more threatening, but equally useless. By going on the net, I found a couple of cheats. By pressing Up, Down, X, Y, B, Down, Up, it gave you control of a hand held bumper, which you could bray the f-uck out of him with. This got him out of his scratcher sharpish and had the added bonus of earning you 100 “Unit hard man” points.

Have any other Arrsers encountered this weird submenu? I’d be interested to hear of any other mini games, that more authentically replicate the mundane military experience.
How do you do this,and how did you get on the secret menu?
britishairborne keep checking your PM's mate :thumright:
 
#8
Dont worry i will, but not after pointing out that you are a 15 year old chav with an attitude problem that needs glassing with an AIDs infested beer bottle you utter waste of space.
 
#9
STAB2ARABConverter said:
Dont worry i will, but not after pointing out that you are a 15 year old chav with an attitude problem that needs glassing with an AIDs infested beer bottle you utter waste of space.
What are you on about i asked a question and i get insulted by people,why? What a dick head you are.
 
#11
STAB2ARABConverter said:
It was the most retarded question i have ever seen. If you weren't being serious then i apologise, but if not, please please get an educayshun.
I was being serious i have just got that game and wondered if it was true sorry if i came across retarded.And i appologies for insulting you.
 
#13
britishairborne said:
STAB2ARABConverter said:
Dont worry i will, but not after pointing out that you are a 15 year old chav with an attitude problem that needs glassing with an AIDs infested beer bottle you utter waste of space.
What are you on about i asked a question and i get insulted by people,why? What a dick head you are.
With your quick thinking have you ever been called ricochet?

I notice you still have your username "britishairborne", which is weird as you are a craphat and a fucking civilian.

You walting piece of shit.
 
#14
britishairborne said:
I was being serious i have just got that game and wondered if it was true sorry if i came across retarded.And i appologies for insulting you.

If you re read convoys post, he tells you how to access the secret menu.

I started to get bored and just pressed a few buttons and, hey presto, I got taken through to a secret menu screen.

Convoy isn't the sort of chap to give things away for free (aint that right Bradshaw?) so you will have to just keep trying.


BTW, if you are on for a massive wah, not bad. If not, your parents should be locked up for producing such a fucking drain on humanity.
 
#15
britishairborne said:
STAB2ARABConverter said:
Dont worry i will, but not after pointing out that you are a 15 year old chav with an attitude problem that needs glassing with an AIDs infested beer bottle you utter waste of space.
What are you on about i asked a question and i get insulted by people,why? What a dick head you are.
if i was you i,d question your ability to take a bit of banter,if you can,t hack a bit of verbal and some piss taking then i,d stay chained to your fcuking play station and never venture into the army careers office!!! :?
 
#16
Convoy - this is amazing! I was fiddling with my computer too the other night and I accessed a bizarre submenu in which I was invited to join a British Army web-site called ARRSE. Although I am only 14 and a one-star ACF cadet, I followed the difficult instructions and signed on with the user-name IncrediblyhardSAStrooperchav(UK). I am currently at the stage of boasting about my prowess at SAA but hope to get enough points on this level and move on to asking what colour I should paint my pace-stick.
 
#17
Cuddles said:
Convoy - this is amazing! I was fiddling with my computer too the other night and I accessed a bizarre submenu in which I was invited to join a British Army web-site called ARRSE. Although I am only 14 and a one-star ACF cadet, I followed the difficult instructions and signed on with the user-name IncrediblyhardSAStrooperchav(UK). I am currently at the stage of boasting about my prowess at SAA but hope to get enough points on this level and move on to asking what colour I should paint my pace-stick.
I'll have you know i only have 2 assesments to go until i'm 2 star!
 

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