How do you do this,and how did you get on the secret menu?convoy_cock said:One of the lads at work got a Playstation 3 last week and offered me his Xbox 360 which was now surplus to requirements.
I donât really play âem but I thought the kids would like it, so I gave him a few quid and he brought it in yesterday. There were a few free games with it, the particularly eyecatching one being âGears of Warâ I set up the system so the lads could play it last night, then thought Iâd have a bit of a crack at it myself.
I couldnât believe how fuc-king tricky it was. Hundreds of things to remember, in no particular order, I spent most of my time just hiding behind a hedge while everyone else got killed. After getting zapped a few times, I started to get bored and just pressed a few buttons and, hey presto, I got taken through to a secret menu screen. There was a big list of codes to enter. When I tapped in the one marked SCALEYBACK, I got taken through to another list of menus. Iâve never had so much fun in my life. It was just like being back in. There were various mini-games to play, all with a R.Sigs based theme. The attention to detail and realism was beyond compare.
One game, simply named âKero Heaterâ was brill. In the preamble, it told me that I was a âSignaller on an 8 hour radio stagâ All I had to do was sit, wrapped round a malfunctioning kero heater and drop snot gobblers on to itâs surface and watch them sizzle away. By pressing the A and B button quickly in conjunction, phlegm was dredged up from somewhere between the lungs and the pancreas, and flobbed onto the surface where âYour Troop Sergeant may well be making a toastie in the morning.â
Another game was called âCrypto Chase.â It said, âYou are due to handover shift in one hour. You have lost some Batco. You must find it before the hour is up or face the wrath of the Yeomanâ It was great. As the clock ticked down, the sense of impending doom was increased, by other signallers entering the tent laughing and shaking their heads, saying things like, âWhoah, youâre fu-cked, mateâ and âHa Ha, you c-unt, youâll be doing my Christmas guard.â I searched round the 18 x 24, frantically pressing multi button combos in my fruitless hunt. When the hour was up, a digitised Yosser came in with the Badge and shouted, âNo friends in Crypto, please give me your stripes.â
Iâll tell you, it was f-ucking brilliant. Before I knew it, the whole night had passed and I was sat there like a Gollum.
The last game before I unplugged it to go to work was âGuardroom Wake Upâ In it, you were a young Tom on a 24 hour guard duty. At the end of your stag, you have to try and wake up the laziest man in the regiment to take over from you. A simple pressing of A, B, X or Y just didnât work. Pressing A just gave him a nudge on the shoulder and he kept saying, âIâll be there in a minuteâ before starting to snore three seconds later. Pressing B just made your character say, âCome on you jack tw-at, itâs nearly ten past,â more threatening, but equally useless. By going on the net, I found a couple of cheats. By pressing Up, Down, X, Y, B, Down, Up, it gave you control of a hand held bumper, which you could bray the f-uck out of him with. This got him out of his scratcher sharpish and had the added bonus of earning you 100 âUnit hard manâ points.
Have any other Arrsers encountered this weird submenu? Iâd be interested to hear of any other mini games, that more authentically replicate the mundane military experience.