Boyfriend in the Army, is it worth moving?

My (23,F) boyfriend left over a month ago to start training in the Parachute regiment with my absolute full support. Before he went, the plan was that once he would finish training and I wrapped up my Masters, I’d make the move from NI to England where we would find somewhere to live together (we lived together before he left). I was entirely on board with that plan til I saw the bloody house prices over there!!! Big shock to the system. I know there’s always the SFA but since we’re not married and don’t have any kids, I’m not sure how available that option is. I’m not sure how often he would be away, either, so is it worth moving and paying a holy fortune for a gaff if I don’t get to see him any more than I would if I were in NI?
As I said, I’m fully supportive of him and have absolutely no problem being apart for long periods of time, I’d just rather not do it absolutely skint. We’ve also both established that we will be getting married (though not for a few years) and will be buying a house together, post-training. I’m just curious about what the next logical step is.

Is it worth it to make the move over there?
 
My (23,F) boyfriend left over a month ago to start training in the Parachute regiment with my absolute full support. Before he went, the plan was that once he would finish training and I wrapped up my Masters, I’d make the move from NI to England where we would find somewhere to live together (we lived together before he left). I was entirely on board with that plan til I saw the bloody house prices over there!!! Big shock to the system. I know there’s always the SFA but since we’re not married and don’t have any kids, I’m not sure how available that option is. I’m not sure how often he would be away, either, so is it worth moving and paying a holy fortune for a gaff if I don’t get to see him any more than I would if I were in NI?
As I said, I’m fully supportive of him and have absolutely no problem being apart for long periods of time, I’d just rather not do it absolutely skint. We’ve also both established that we will be getting married (though not for a few years) and will be buying a house together, post-training. I’m just curious about what the next logical step is.

Is it worth it to make the move over there?

If it were me I'd stay put until you get married. Once married you can put in for a married quarter and possibly start orcontinue saving towards buying your own home later on down the line.
 
Best wait to see if he passes P Company and completes training first. If he does he is likely to end up at Colchester. Pay is not very high for a newly minted private in the Parachute Regiment. As Sam says above, best to stay put, get married and get a married quarter and take it from there. At least in Collie you are in a good position to get a job in London if you have professional skills. Save up and take stock of your future life plans.
 
You bunch of out of date old fossils, shoo, shoo, back to your ovaltine.

02 New cohabitation rules for those in a long-term relationship​

On 1 April 2019, the MOD’s policy on cohabitation in Service Family Accommodation (SFA) in the UK changed and was updated on 1 February 2020.

If your soldier can demonstrate that they are in an established Long-Term Relationship (LTR(E)), then they’ll be eligible to apply to cohabit with you in surplus SFA, where it’s available.

Soldiers eligible to cohabit won’t hold entitlement to SFA and so, if there is no surplus SFA at their place of work (i.e. within 50 miles of their posting location), they won’t be able to access SFA or Substitute SFA (a hiring).

Soldiers with PStatCat2 – primary parental responsibility – can also apply in accordance with this policy.

What is cohabitation?

The MOD defines cohabitation as a soldier living with their partner, who is not their legal spouse or civil partner, in an LTR.

What is classed as a long-term relationship (LTR)?

The MOD has a list of criteria defining an established LTR. You will need to be able to provide enough evidence of your established relationship of 12 months or more. This time frame was set by the Service People Policy Group (SPPG).

Suitable evidence includes at least three of the following items:

  • Mortgage or tenancy documents showing joint ownership or rental of a property
  • A birth certificate of a natural child showing the names of both partners
  • Proof of adoption of a child showing the names of both partners
  • Proof of joint responsibility for a child
  • Joint bank account
  • Proof of financial support to the other partner, including the transfer of funds home to a partner overseas (i.e. for Foreign & Commonwealth families)
  • Proof that both partners’ names are on the Electoral Roll at a shared address
  • A Council Tax bill for the same property in joint names
  • Loan documentation of major assets such as homes, cars or major appliances in both partners’ names
  • Utility bills in both names
  • Life Insurance that shows a partner as the beneficiary
  • Two separate utility bills (one in each individual’s name) that evidences the same address.
If you’re struggling to provide the evidence needed, then your soldier can register your relationship with their unit HR, so you can qualify after a 12-month period following that registration. Click here (see Annex A, B and C of Chapter 1) for more details on how the registration process works.

Your soldier can also present their case to chain of command if they don’t yet have the evidence listed.

 
What's your Masters in?

I'm assuming you have a lot of potential career-wise yourself. I would continue to support him 100% while he's going through training but don't put yourself second place. If you both feel after training you have a future together, why not consider another option; pursue a job/ career within a location in the UK whereby he's a few hours drive from you so you can see each other during weekends, annual leave etc. If it doesn't work out you'll still have your career on the mainland.

My wife (then gf at the time of 2-3 years, we were also both in our early 20s) binned her social work career to live with me married accompanied when we found out I would be based in Germany following training. She doesn't resent this decision as we had a great life travelling all over central Europe during leave etc. and now she's content with her current occupation.

Without being disparaging and from my observations, hitching up with a soldier is as good as it gets for a lot of women due to relative army job stability, no prospects/ ambition etc themselves, whereas this does not seem the case for you.
 
Accept the inevitable now and start looking for someone else ^~
 

RTU'd

War Hero
Plenty of Fish is very good so i'm told?
And Tinder very quick as lots of birds wanting to shag as well, or so says the writing on pub loo door
 

Chocolate93

Old-Salt
Ignore everyone and go with your gut or heart feeling, intuition is never usually wrong.

As about the house move work out financailly both your incomes, or your known incomes, savings, costs.

Include rent, fule, parking, nessecities, transport, the works, then see if the move is worth it.

Maybe consider open uni or moving your masters aswell, you don't want to lose out really on achieving that.
 
Alternately, you could always stay at home and wait.

The way things are going over there, every chance of him pounding the streets on 6 month rotations in the near future ^~
 

Mattb

LE
You bunch of out of date old fossils, shoo, shoo, back to your ovaltine.

02 New cohabitation rules for those in a long-term relationship​

On 1 April 2019, the MOD’s policy on cohabitation in Service Family Accommodation (SFA) in the UK changed and was updated on 1 February 2020.

If your soldier can demonstrate that they are in an established Long-Term Relationship (LTR(E)), then they’ll be eligible to apply to cohabit with you in surplus SFA, where it’s available.

Soldiers eligible to cohabit won’t hold entitlement to SFA and so, if there is no surplus SFA at their place of work (i.e. within 50 miles of their posting location), they won’t be able to access SFA or Substitute SFA (a hiring).

Soldiers with PStatCat2 – primary parental responsibility – can also apply in accordance with this policy.

What is cohabitation?

The MOD defines cohabitation as a soldier living with their partner, who is not their legal spouse or civil partner, in an LTR.

What is classed as a long-term relationship (LTR)?

The MOD has a list of criteria defining an established LTR. You will need to be able to provide enough evidence of your established relationship of 12 months or more. This time frame was set by the Service People Policy Group (SPPG).

Suitable evidence includes at least three of the following items:

  • Mortgage or tenancy documents showing joint ownership or rental of a property
  • A birth certificate of a natural child showing the names of both partners
  • Proof of adoption of a child showing the names of both partners
  • Proof of joint responsibility for a child
  • Joint bank account
  • Proof of financial support to the other partner, including the transfer of funds home to a partner overseas (i.e. for Foreign & Commonwealth families)
  • Proof that both partners’ names are on the Electoral Roll at a shared address
  • A Council Tax bill for the same property in joint names
  • Loan documentation of major assets such as homes, cars or major appliances in both partners’ names
  • Utility bills in both names
  • Life Insurance that shows a partner as the beneficiary
  • Two separate utility bills (one in each individual’s name) that evidences the same address.
If you’re struggling to provide the evidence needed, then your soldier can register your relationship with their unit HR, so you can qualify after a 12-month period following that registration. Click here (see Annex A, B and C of Chapter 1) for more details on how the registration process works.

Your soldier can also present their case to chain of command if they don’t yet have the evidence listed.

It does seem a bit chicken and egg though, as essentially you need to share a private house first, before becoming eligible for SFA - which isn’t really going to help a pte living in SLA(M) and a partner struggling to afford UK property.

I suppose that he could get all his mail delivered to hers, and technically live in NI for a bit.
 
It does seem a bit chicken and egg though, as essentially you need to share a private house first, before becoming eligible for SFA - which isn’t really going to help a pte living in SLA(M) and a partner struggling to afford UK property.

I suppose that he could get all his mail delivered to hers, and technically live in NI for a bit.

You don’t need to share a house, you simply need to prove a long term relationship.
 

Mattb

LE
You don’t need to share a house, you simply need to prove a long term relationship.
Read the list of things (other than procreation) that prove you have a long-term relationship - almost all of them require you to share an address.
 
Read the list of things (other than procreation) that prove you have a long-term relationship - almost all of them require you to share an address.

What would I know, I only deal with these requests almost on a daily basis! How about you ^~
 
What's your Masters in?

I'm assuming you have a lot of potential career-wise yourself. I would continue to support him 100% while he's going through training but don't put yourself second place. If you both feel after training you have a future together, why not consider another option; pursue a job/ career within a location in the UK whereby he's a few hours drive from you so you can see each other during weekends, annual leave etc. If it doesn't work out you'll still have your career on the mainland.

My wife (then gf at the time of 2-3 years, we were also both in our early 20s) binned her social work career to live with me married accompanied when we found out I would be based in Germany following training. She doesn't resent this decision as we had a great life travelling all over central Europe during leave etc. and now she's content with her current occupation.

Without being disparaging and from my observations, hitching up with a soldier is as good as it gets for a lot of women due to relative army job stability, no prospects/ ambition etc themselves, whereas this does not seem the case for you.

My Masters is in Museum Studies and Heritage and finishes up in December, which will be a couple of months after he finishes his training. A handy Masters to have as museums are pretty much anywhere, so I know that there will be potential opportunities for myself, no matter where I end up. This is why I've been pretty open to heading over. I've actually never considered that option, but I'm not too sure about living at a different location within the UK by myself as my primary reason for moving would be for him. My career is pretty adaptable whereas his isn't, so it has always made sense that I'm the one to make the move to him, which I don't mind doing.
Other than the financial standpoint, one of the most off-putting factors is if I make the move over there, and I still don't get to see him any more often than I would if I were in NI. By that logic, it would just make sense for me to stay at home.
It's actually really helpful to hear that your wife made the decision to move and it obviously paid off. Nice to hear something positive.
 

Mattb

LE
What would I know, I only deal with these requests almost on a daily basis! How about you ^~
Good for you, I literally read it for the first time this afternoon.

Doesn’t change my point.
 
Read the list of things (other than procreation) that prove you have a long-term relationship - almost all of them require you to share an address.

Did you miss this bit?

If you’re struggling to provide the evidence needed, then your soldier can register your relationship with their unit HR, so you can qualify after a 12-month period following that registration.’
 

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