Both serving soldiers, different cap badges....coping!?!

#1
Hiya guys and girls. I just thought I would get some feedback/opinions/advise on this forum about how people cope when both partners are serving soldiers, especially differing cap badges.

My fella and I are in that very boat, me being Royal Signals and him Royal Engineers. Because of his trade, the chances of us ever getting posted together are practically zero, even when we get married. Are there any others out there (in this forum) who are in the same or similar position? How do you overcome it? Have you found any help from chain of command etc?

Now please don't give me hassle with the old "deal with it or get out line" as thats not what I really want to hear! Some constructive replies would be greatly appreciated. Cheers everyone, and Happy New Year!

regards, Beerkeg!
 
#2
Depending on your trade, it may just be a case of getting units close together at least that way you can share a quarter. I would speak to your RCMO and see if they can be of help or at least get you to same area if same unit not possible.
 
#3
I'm afraid that my experience was very bad. However I put that down to her, she was desk bound and just made it so difficult when I had to go on numerous tours. Also she had the quarter and I did all the travelling but still she complained about the amount of time apart. She became like a civi in green and resented my military attitude. In the end I divorced her!

You can make it work but you have to communicate and understand each other’s issues, share the love and the problems. Keep sight of the end goal, a quality life when the green skin is off.

You can have you files "tagged" at Glasgow which should consider you different service.

N.B. This is the only sincere post I’m ever doing, and promise to be back to my sexist abusive self now!
I expect a half naked picture from you for this post. :D
 
#4
Ha ha right grumpy, I like the cut of your gib! Thank you for your only sincere post! How is it you go about having your files "tagged"? Is this something you can do via RCMO?

Sorry to hear about your bad experience by the way, it's not easy but my fella and I both love the army, both love wearing the green skin which makes it a little harder but Im sure we can get there in the end!
 
#5
has one of you considered a transfer to the others Corps as a scalie i am sure you could do a combat signaler RE job easily
 
#6
To be honest, I did think about transferring, but this would have no real impact. he only has 7 years left, I have 11ish if I stay in. For me to re-trade, do the courses I would require to get a posting with him, it would be nearly the end of his career anyway. Because of his qualifications and job (CoW), even a re-trade on my behalf would not guarantee the situation being improved!

And he would never leave his beloved RE, he is far to proud to drop down to the Sigs!
 
#7
Both myself and my wife were serving (she still is, I left last year after doing my 22), we were never posted together, MCM Div tried to post us near to each other furthest our units were apart was 45 miles, our quarter was at at her place, I did the 90 a day commute.

You say you dont want to hear it but youve just got to live with it.

The needs of the Army come first, those of the individual and their families a close second.
 
#8
Filbert Fox said:
Both myself and my wife were serving (she still is, I left last year after doing my 22), we were never posted together, MCM Div tried to post us near to each other furthest our units were apart was 45 miles, our quarter was at at her place, I did the 90 a day commute.

You say you dont want to hear it but youve just got to live with it.

The needs of the Army come first, those of the individual and their families a close second.
Ah the old Army comes first line! I appreciate that someone old and bold may still see things in that way, and I really used to believe that too but do you know something, the soldiers these days need more than the Army coming first with all the rubbish they are enduring. I completely respect your opinion, and you're quite entitled to it, but people need to be sound in their personal lives so they can be happy in their careers.

You may well say that I am wrong and that I should rethink my Army career but this is also my opinion, to which I am entitled. And to be honest, if the Army cannot at least place us in the same region then I would definitely consider leaving. The Army are not my family and the needs of the Army do not come first to me, my happiness does.

But I do thank you for your comments and the time taken to read and reply.
 
#9
beerkeg said:
Ah the old Army comes first line! I appreciate that someone old and bold may still see things in that way, and I really used to believe that too but do you know something, the soldiers these days need more than the Army coming first with all the rubbish they are enduring. I completely respect your opinion, and you're quite entitled to it, but people need to be sound in their personal lives so they can be happy in their careers.
Doesn't matter whether or not Filbert, you or (even :D ) I believe it or not - the Army does!

You may well say that I am wrong and that I should rethink my Army career but this is also my opinion, to which I am entitled. And to be honest, if the Army cannot at least place us in the same region then I would definitely consider leaving. The Army are not my family and the needs of the Army do not come first to me, my happiness does.
Why should you being wrong or not have anything to do with re-thinking your Army career? You are having an issue where your current occupation is conflicting with your family life. You can try to iron things out, you can accept the family grief or you can change job - or all three in sequence. The needs of the Army coming first is the way the Army works - and many people in it do still see it just that way. Which causes problems when they come to the TA as staff, because the TA is clearly third after some arrangement of family and main work in most of our minds.

When I was regular, I just put up with the travelling. But I left, primarily, because family came first.
 
#10
beerkeg said:
Filbert Fox said:
Both myself and my wife were serving (she still is, I left last year after doing my 22), we were never posted together, MCM Div tried to post us near to each other furthest our units were apart was 45 miles, our quarter was at at her place, I did the 90 a day commute.

You say you dont want to hear it but youve just got to live with it.

The needs of the Army come first, those of the individual and their families a close second.
Ah the old Army comes first line! I appreciate that someone old and bold may still see things in that way, and I really used to believe that too but do you know something, the soldiers these days need more than the Army coming first with all the rubbish they are enduring. I completely respect your opinion, and you're quite entitled to it, but people need to be sound in their personal lives so they can be happy in their careers.

You may well say that I am wrong and that I should rethink my Army career but this is also my opinion, to which I am entitled. And to be honest, if the Army cannot at least place us in the same region then I would definitely consider leaving. The Army are not my family and the needs of the Army do not come first to me, my happiness does.

But I do thank you for your comments and the time taken to read and reply.
Beerkeg,

Sorry to say this but you will find that the comment was not Filberts attitude but the Army's, having recently heard the very same comment at a recent MCM Div Road show.

Think you will find that once you are married your respective MCM Div's will be aware due to the paperwork that will be submitted once you have done the deed.

Good Luck

Sluice
 
#11
[quote="beerkeg
The Army are not my family and the needs of the Army do not come first to me, my happiness does.

[/quote]

I completely agree with this, although the Army is important you have to look after your own happiness as well because no one else will.

Just my honest opinion.
 
#12
I have heard all the same comments at MCM Div raodshows, and have been hearing them for the last 11 years, and like I have said, I completely agree with the Army and its mission statement IF it works for every serving member of the forces. Im not having a go at Filbert, Im just trying to point out that times change and retention suffers because the Army does not like to change. I have also said that I love the Army and the green side of life, Im not some moaning bint sat on my ass doing a desk job. The whole point of this thread was to get feedback from people who have been or are in the same boat as I am, of which I know I am not unique.

I appreciate evrybody saying "its the Army, and they come first", I just want to know how people deal with it.

AnotherDay, thank you for your honest opinion. It would be nice to believe that once we are married MCM Div might try and help us out, but being differing cap badges I know it will be hard. And lets face it, for anyone in the Signals, MCM Div are not the most helpful when it comes to your PPP.....thats just my honest opinion!
 
#14
My sister and her husband are in that boat. 7 years of marriage and they've probably spend less than half of that together, and even then mostly only at weekends. They have the attitude that the lifestyle means that they can afford to have very much quality time together. At present, they consider themselves lucky to be in the same country, and fortunate that for once they recently had a tour at the same time so neither got to be the one stuck at home. She took a slightly duffer posting in order to be 5 hours away from him rather than 12. I think they will keep going until basically they can't take it any more. They love their jobs, and they make the best of it.
 
#15
Beerkeg, what are you going to do when one of you is deployed and then the other one gets deployed? my wife and I were deployed to different theatres at the same time, another time I was on Telic 4 and then she was on Telic 5.

Do you work for the Army or does the Army work for you? Didnt you understand the organisation that you are part of before you joined?

You may find that MCM Divs attitude towards your pleas of being near to each other change once you are actually married. At the moment you arent married, youre just two individuals, why should they post you together?
There are plenty of places that the pair of you can be posted to so your units are close together.
 
#16
Well milsum, very good for them, and I hope that they are very happy. We are at the stage where we cant really take it any more, and our tours have overlapped with me arriving in theatre 4 weeks before he left theatre (the same camp!), and he is away again very soon, with me due to go not long after he then gets back. So as you can see, we are at the stage where one of us might have to start making sacrifices.
At the moment, we are also in the same position as your sister and husband where we both love our jobs and are making the best of it we can, but much like them, we are trying to keep going as long as we can!

Thank you for your post!
 
#17
Filbert Fox said:
Beerkeg, what are you going to do when one of you is deployed and then the other one gets deployed? my wife and I were deployed to different theatres at the same time, another time I was on Telic 4 and then she was on Telic 5.

Do you work for the Army or does the Army work for you? Didnt you understand the organisation that you are part of before you joined?

You may find that MCM Divs attitude towards your pleas of being near to each other change once you are actually married. At the moment you arent married, youre just two individuals, why should they post you together?
There are plenty of places that the pair of you can be posted to so your units are close together.
Listen Filbert, I respect your critisism and your trying to get my back up....of course I understand the organisation....please don't insult my intelligence....I have said more than once that I want advice on how people cope! And we have already done the tour thing....As i went to Afghanistan my partner was leaving....the same camp so I know all about overlapping op tours thank you very much! And as I have already alluded to, MCM Div can only do so much as we are different cap badges both with relatively specialised jobs! So married or not we will struggle and AGAIN as I have alluded to, we will make the best of a bad situation until it becomes too much and then one of us will leave!

So please do not come on here giving me a hard time when all I wanted was POSITIVE feedback about how other people managed and coped!

Now, if anyone out there such as a few people who have replied have any welcome suggestions/replies/comments then I look forward to hearing them,
Regards!
 
#18
A bloke living in reality wrote said:
At the moment you arent married, youre just two individuals, why should they post you together?
There are plenty of places that the pair of you can be posted to so your units are close together.
Why should they post us together?.....if you read my thread, I am not demanding they post us together! I know we are individuals, and for your information there are NOT plenty of places we can be posted near each other! AGAIN I REPEAT MYSELF.....we are different cap badges, with relatively specialised job specs!
 
#19
beerkeg said:
So please do not come on here giving me a hard time when all I wanted was POSITIVE feedback about how other people managed and coped!
you just want the rosey touchy feely response? Obviously my rosey touchy feely answers about about you knowing the risks when you took the job and learn to cope with it not are not sugar coated enough for you?

You asked for people in the same boat and how they deal with it, I told you, you adapt, you live with it, the Army comes first.

What do you want to be told? You say youre not asking to be posted together, so what waht do you want the CoC to do for you? Let you off early every Friday and say dont come back till Monday lunchtime every week?

we are different cap badges, with relatively specialised job specs
no units near each other in any of these places:
Aldershot?
Catterick?
Colchester?
Cyprus?
Germany?
NI?
 
#20
OH FFS Filbert, I said I wanted advise not the bog standard 22 year answer of live with it cos the army comes first! I don't expect any special treatment and I don't want to make demands cos I think I am special! A lot of people have said that doing things like speaking to the RCMO to get files tagged etc, and thats the kind of response I wanted, as I did not know that you could do that! I have been in long enough to know that the "sugar coated" answers are for the weak and feeble and I do not expect that at all!

And as for your comment about knowing the risks when I joined up, yes I did know a little but I didn't know at 18 exactly all the things I know now....thats called life experience! What may have worked for you is not necessarily what works for everyone else, and a lot of people in our position have one partner who is pushy, obnoxious, demanding etc. I luckily do not have a partner like that so it is a case of us working together to find the right solution....that is right for US! Asking for advise is just a step towards finding that right solution!

So please Filbert, could you refrain from the Army cliques (sorry about spelling) as that is not giving advice, merely pointing out the military obvious! No offence intended by the way! I thank everyone for taking the time to reply!
 

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