Boss From Hell - Payback Due

#1
Dear ARRSE family

I am currently sat at my desk pretending to work, but don't care about getting caught as it's my last day here.

However, am leaving under a cloud, as when I announced my resignation my boss (who has always been King Toss) decided to stitch me out of the £4,000 commission they owe me.

I have checked with a solicitor, and while its obviously underhand, its not illegal. So, I need to find another way for payback.....but need some help. And where better to find it than from the depths of evilness that is ARRSE......suggestions please!
 
#2
It is always a giggle to trash their server when you go, but make sure you take a nice big magnet to the backup tapes first. I can give you more technical advice should this be a suitable route to adopt.

Failing that, take a dump in there desk and leave kippers under the floorboards

:)
 
#4
Dead fish under filing cabinet in his office.

Surf illegal things on his computer. and then inform the police. :twisted:

Write to his wife\girlfriend and say "I am (your bosses name) mistress\gay lover"

failing that, when you go home cough up the biggest phlegm ball you can muster. call him a b`stard in front of the whole office and his boss. And spit in his face.

Make sure you skiff his pen, mug, and change all the keys around on his keyboard :D
 
#5
lol, just one problem. My boss only visits this office once or twice a week. He does not have a dedicated office/desk in this building as he mainly works from his home office.

Needs to be something very evil, which can be executed remotely and something that will not land me in the nick
 
#6
Subscribe him to as many naff free industry and non industry publications/mailing lists/catalogue requests as you can get your hands on

Put entries in contact mags/ lonely hearts etc :wink:

Basically ensure that Postman Pat has a groaning sackful for him every day :twisted:

also check out www.i-resign.co.uk
 
#12
If you've got access to his car , get every hole punch in the building , and empty them very carefully down his heater blower vents and aim them all at the drivers side , now turn the fan setting to "full" , and when he turns his key in the ignition his car will look like one of those snow shakers , with him in it........ :twisted:


he WILL be finding small circles of paper in his car for ever and ever and ever.
 
#13
Advertise his car for sale, at a knockdown price, in local shop windows, with his home and mobile numbers, or give his number for Ann Summers or suchlike.

Pouring milk down the air vent inlet on his car will also produce a useful result.
 
#15
If the/the company owe you £4000 I would suggest a second opinion from another solicitor - doesn't sound correct that it's not illegal. Did you have a contract?
 
#16
If you have MS Outlook - go into calendar as editor and start deleting meetings.....dont use own pc

format/erase your harddrive on your last day as you walk out of the door

send an email from someones pc to all contacts on database requesting read/delivery receipt......crash server

if hes married ring/or get friend to ring during day disguise voice speak to wife saying supposed to be meeting at so and so hotel.............not turned up....didnt realise was married

post a romantic note from him to a colleague

Report spurious company breaches to HSE/Fire/Inland Revenue/etc etc

put in massive stationery order for him

order skip/sand/topsoil/manure cash on delivery for his home

execute drive by paintball shooting on him/house/car

tip talc into air vents of his car (if not raining)

stash mince/chicken/kippers in his room

inject his chair with milk

organise flashmobbing of house/office

......................it goes on :twisted: :twisted: :wink:
 
#17
Get a Post-It note, and write in big letters BOUNDER, and put it on his car windscreen when next he is in.

he wont forget THAT in a hurry, I can tell you.
 
#18
Skiff him
 
#20
Just leave a big Mr Whippy on the boardroom table 8O

Go on you know it makes sense :wink: :twisted:
 

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