Bored with those mess dinners???

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by fish-head, Nov 10, 2004.

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  1. In recent years mess dinners in my place have been getting pretty dull. The days of farmyard animals being forced into rooms appear to have gone.

    I need to hear some tales of woe/pranks that have occured in recent years so that I can liven up the blandness that has become mess life.
  2. Pyrotechnics always liven things up either thrown around or stuffed in peoples puddings. Might be a problem for you in your tiny wardrooms though

    Remote Control Fart Machines

    "Does the cream smell off to you?" wait for response then slam the poor unfortunate mugs head into the pudding when he falls for it

    Drinking challenges/forfeits/skiffing

    Try themed food/fancy dress nights - we did a cracking Tramps night to empty the cellar. Booze was served up in brown paper bags and food was fish and chips wrapped in newspaper and left for us to rummage out of the bin. It turned in to a very messy night

    :lol: :lol: :twisted:
  3. In a fit of wild abandon I once wore odd socks beneath my George boots.
  4. mess rugby with cabbage? parade next eye....cabbage in hair
  5. Thats my trick !. I also like to wear "innapropriate" t-shirts under my strangulation suit.
  6. Double dead legging LE officers as part of their initiation into the mess is always fun. Watch them go down like a sack of shite muttering about "In my day etc etc"

    :twisted: :lol:
  7. In the days of yore, well national service, my old physics teacher was in a crab mess (Swanton Morley I think) with an industrial chemist. Said boffin made up some evil substance which was effectively a contact explosive in powder form and sprinkled it around the mess before a dinner night. As all and sundry walked in their heels were going 'pop pop pop'. Boss takes dim view and clears the mess to have it cleaned. All reassemble to eat the now well over-boiled slop. At the end of the meal the PMC finds out the hard way that the stewards failed, possibly deliberately, to clean the gavel which almost embeds itself in the ceiling.

    Not interested so much in telling this story as I am in finding out if anyone has the recipe?
  8. BK!

    BK! Old-Salt

    Thunderflash in a feather pillow is good for a laugh. Only to be done in the officers mess where it would be put down as high spirits rather than a chargeable offence. :lol: :lol:
    Right, now we've got that out of the way, mix pure iodine crystals with concentrated ammonia mix it goooood, pour out through a coffee filter. The stuff left on the filter is safe when wet, and should be rinsed through whilst still on the paper with alcohol. Did I say keep it wet? When it dries, it goes bang nicely when disturbed :twisted: Make sure you keep it wet....
  10. While waiting for my Brig. at a mess do in blackdown we drivers were talking when an army ambulance careered up, out jumps the medic, rushes in only to return with somewhat stunned and drunk suby holding his arm in great pain.

    driving home I broached the subject with the boss and was told that they were piggy-back jousting using snooker cues and he hadn't dodged when one was swung at him.

    Brig. smiled for days afterwards
  11. During a mess dinner we had to play the Corp march from a CD, oh it was great and worked a treat (Badge had no idea) until the sodding disc changer kicked in and played Wham "wake me up before you go go " full blast !!
  12. I have the pleasure of belonging to a Tri-Service mess. There is a main themed night by each of the 3 services each year; Burns Night is the Army’s, Battle of Britain is the RAFs and the Navy have Pickles night.

    I was at my 1st pickles night 2 weekends ago and I have to say that it was one of the best functions I have ever attended.

    HMS Pickles was the ship that brought back Nelsons body from Trafalgar. The mess night tries to capture the authenticity of the mess on the ship.

    Drinking out of tin mugs. Keeping your KFS in your pockets so they don't get stolen...if stolen, you eat with your fingers. Piece of rough canvas as a place mat. Shitty food with spuds and cauliflower that looks like it had better days. A plank or wood rested between 2 beer barrels as a seat. Old rickety wooden tables.

    If someone messes up, besides getting fined port at the end of the evening, they get put in stocks during the evening by the Master at Arms.

    All in all, totally different from Army reggy dinners, but still reeked in history and massively enjoyable. I will attend a Pickles Night anytime now.

    1 up for the Navy
  13. I have been fortunate enough to have belonged to that mess and the pickles night is by far one of the most memorable fun nights I have ever had.

    Meat bosuns TO THE GALLEY!!!
  14. I hope the mean the cost of damages, otherwise I'm not going near the place.
  15. Outstanding, Stoatman!
    Of course you realise that a new kind of assymmetrical warfare is now about to break out in messes all over the free world.