Bored - what can I stir up?

#1
A tourist visiting a far away country in the heart of God knows where [possibly near Portsmouth] walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there, a RMP Sergeant in traffic sleeves walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a Traffic Patrol monkey please."

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to the cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit it with a collar and leash, handed it to the officer saying, "That'll be £5,000 please Sergeant"

The Sergeant paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said "That was a

very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey is a qualified breath test operator, can write twenty 2100s a week, can deploy Stinger at a moments notice, knows all there is to know on traffic legislation and is authorized by the Provost Marshal in pursuit driving - well worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That ones even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh, that ones a Close Protection monkey , it can instruct other monkeys in Basic Firearms Skills, Counter Terrorism Training, Physical Training, Small Unit Tactics and investigative techniques, and even type. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist turned and saw another monkey, with the price tag of £15,000. "That one must be even better? What does it do?"

That one is a General Police Duties monkey, he is required to know everything about anything, be there yesterday, and then duplicate the information 12 times before tomorrow, relay the same information to 20 different departments, write reports about everything that the old monkeys cant see anymore, be in 5 different places at once, get yelled at by everyone who passes by, and takes the blame for everything all the other monkeys do wrong."

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a fourth monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do sod all yet, but it says it's in the SIB.
 
#9
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