Bootiful - Bernard Matthews is dead

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Fat_Cav, Nov 26, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Bootiful!!

    The 'Tycoon' who invented and thrust upon the world the Turkey Twizzler has died aged 80.

    Anyone who made money out of creating and peddling such utter shite in the name of food deserved to die. The irony lost on most being that Turkey is naturally low in fat but fattie BM managed to reverse nature and process it into everything with hearty portions of saturated fat, E-numbers etc etc..

    I fucking hope it was some painful heart attack brough on his fat-packed cholesterol-high processed crap I was forced to eat all those years ago as a kid :pissedoff:

    BBC News - Turkey king Bernard Matthews dies
  2. first to get it in, what's his family getting for christmas? a smaller turkey!

    reaches out for coat whilst heading towards the door
  3. wedge_cadman

    wedge_cadman War Hero Reviewer Book Reviewer

    will he be cremated in a bread crumb topping? after they defrost him at room temperature for 5 days
  4. I was wondering.... instead of a funeral..... if he'll be processed, stuffed and packed in small portions to allocate to various members of his friends and family.... can guess which part his wife will get... imagine that, stuffed, packaged and covered with cellophane, greeting you every time you open the fridge door.

    At a heart surgeon's funeral at the crematorium the coffin vanished into a big heart... one consultant burst out laughing, thinking of his funeral.... he was a gynecologist :-D
  5. Was fowel play suspected
  6. he's due to be cremated next wednesday - gas mark 6 for 3 hours!

    Wait is that my Taxi?
  7. Brotherton Lad

    Brotherton Lad LE Reviewer

    You lot are so cruel.

    He started with 50 shillings in the days when we were still on rationing and built a successful business feeding several generations with cheap food and employing thousands of people in rural East Anglia, becoming extremely wealthy in the process.

    Turkey producers and turkey production :: Bernard Matthews

    Bernard Mathews :: Our history

    Turkey Twizzlers are crap, though, so you do have a point. Or perhaps you don't:

    Bernard Mathews Turkey Twizzlers | Facebook

    Mmmm, just popping out to the shop.
  8. Captain Blount will be singing at the funeral:

    You're Bootiful
  9. bernard Matthews - Best before 25/11/10

    I promise I'll get into the taxi this time.
  10. I had to google that. Thank fuck some things don't reach the continent.
  11. Ironic that he died on Thanksgiving day
  12. and just in time to be plucked and stuffed and find himself on the shelves for Christmas..... Turkey anyone? :-D
  13. Longlenny

    Longlenny War Hero Book Reviewer

    That's him stuffed then.
  14. No such thing as bad publicity. Sales of Turkey Twizzlers went up after all the negative publicity hit the headlines, according to Radio 2 news.
    Wasn't his turkey farm/factory a disused USAAF bomber base?
  15. ... That's not irony - more like outstanding comic timing!