Bootiful - Bernard Matthews is dead


The 'Tycoon' who invented and thrust upon the world the Turkey Twizzler has died aged 80.

Anyone who made money out of creating and peddling such utter shite in the name of food deserved to die. The irony lost on most being that Turkey is naturally low in fat but fattie BM managed to reverse nature and process it into everything with hearty portions of saturated fat, E-numbers etc etc..

I fucking hope it was some painful heart attack brough on his fat-packed cholesterol-high processed crap I was forced to eat all those years ago as a kid :pissedoff:

BBC News - Turkey king Bernard Matthews dies
first to get it in, what's his family getting for christmas? a smaller turkey!

reaches out for coat whilst heading towards the door


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will he be cremated in a bread crumb topping? after they defrost him at room temperature for 5 days
I was wondering.... instead of a funeral..... if he'll be processed, stuffed and packed in small portions to allocate to various members of his friends and family.... can guess which part his wife will get... imagine that, stuffed, packaged and covered with cellophane, greeting you every time you open the fridge door.

At a heart surgeon's funeral at the crematorium the coffin vanished into a big heart... one consultant burst out laughing, thinking of his funeral.... he was a gynecologist :-D
You lot are so cruel.

He started with 50 shillings in the days when we were still on rationing and built a successful business feeding several generations with cheap food and employing thousands of people in rural East Anglia, becoming extremely wealthy in the process.

Turkey producers and turkey production :: Bernard Matthews

Bernard Mathews :: Our history

Turkey Twizzlers are crap, though, so you do have a point. Or perhaps you don't:

Bernard Mathews Turkey Twizzlers | Facebook

Mmmm, just popping out to the shop.


No such thing as bad publicity. Sales of Turkey Twizzlers went up after all the negative publicity hit the headlines, according to Radio 2 news.
Wasn't his turkey farm/factory a disused USAAF bomber base?
I hear Ann Summers is bringing out a Turkey Tickler for Christmas for the larger lady, complete with a seasonal baster.
I forgot Bernard was from Norfolk..... that makes James Blunt singing "You're Bootiful" at his roasting (cremation) even more justified, as Blounty's from those parts too..... wonder if all that turkey caused his voice to sound like it does? :-D

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