Bonking an Oink MDN Style

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Rocketeer, May 24, 2008.

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  1. There's a long standing debate in sex research about whether female orgasm improves chances of conception. Hippocrates thought it did, Aristotle disagreed. [ you never see anything written by Mrs. Hippocrates or Mrs. Aristotle, but I'd bet a few drachmas that Mrs. H. had a spring in her step ]..

    The idea is that uterine contractions draw sperm in, thus aiding conception; the " upsuck ' factor.

    Now for the good part [ probably involving studies of MDN in action ]:

    Danish Sex Research indicates that by stimulating sows while they are artificially inseminated increased conception rates by 6%.

    So... Danish Pig Farmers are ' encouraged' to follow government guidlines - a five-point stimulation plan for pleasuring piggies.

    This involves things like hoisting up her back legs, and pushing 'rhythmically 'with a fist or knee near her vulva...
    some farmers even go so far as to ' jostle' their mammaries with their boots.

    BTW. Pigs and men are the only creatures on the planet that like to fondle breasts.. Who knew??....

    another case study from the secret files of MDN.
     
  2. 8O :p :oops: :roll:

    I like the idea of wearing boots especially for the 'act'; is this wrong? I feel slightly dirty.
     
  3. With regards to the female orgasm (still not convinced it exists). Wouldnt any gain from the "upsuck" factor involve you both cuming at the same time? Every man knows that the likelyhood of that happening is minimal to the point that it threatens an individuals hetrosexuality if he hasnt dropped his load at least 15 minutes before she starts moaning with pleasure (or boredom, whichever happens first).

    As for the pigs - most married blokes i know would rather knee a sow in the vulva and fondle its udders than try and make their missus cum.
     
  4. Wonder if there were any ' Danish Sex Studies' done on how the farmers ' felt/reacted' when ' servicing' their sows in the barn? Bet, in some instances, more than the pig was 'stimulated'....
     
  5. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    My bold.

    That really has given me a stiffy that has. I thought the only fun part about sex was to bang the back doors in whilst slapping or punching your missus in the side of the head, but kneeing her in the vulva, fisting her and grabbing her tits - woooohhooooooo! :D
     
  6. I'm starting to pity poor MDN. It seems never a day goes by without him being foremost in the mind of some young ARRSEers deviant indulgent thoughts. Even MDN must be feeling the strain of upholding ARRSEes pole position alternative sex geezer.

    It's not healthy, you young guys should invest in some top notch porn and let the man be for a while. Let him recharge his batteries.
     
  7. Nar, fcuk 'im. He likes the attention because he is little more than a man-whore.
     
  8. No comment from the Master himself?

    Thought this thread would be good for one or two photos of pigs in lingerie or done up in vinyl

    how do you whisper " sooooey! " in a quiet sexy voice?
     
  9. Whilst we're waiting, here's the Welsh version
     

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