'Bomb Hunters - In Afghanistan with Britain's elite bomb disposal unit (book)

He wanted to interview me for the book, I fucked him off because I'm not having some journo making money on the back of my experiences, I'll write my own book and make my own money AND give a percentage to EOD charities.
You fuckin show em dinger!

I'm gonna write my own book as well. I've got the title and how it ends just need to fill in the middle bit now

Title: Fleshpit - Life With a Covert, Accountable Container Refuelling Team by BPS666

Introductory bit (the hard sell)

BPS666 spent 24 years in the British Army as a premier operator on one of it's most secretive teams. From rainy Dorshit to the festering jungles of Gutersloh, he and his team were required to put their lives, bodies and sanity on the line to ensure that the punch was delivered straight into the face of the enemy and if the punch couldn't be delivered to the face then they would find a way to deliver a nasty chinese burn and a wedgie at the very least. BPS666 pulls no punches in this fast paced narrative that gives a detailed and colourful insight into the world of Heli-abseil refuelling operations during the Iraqian Embassy seige in 1983, The suez jerrican crisis in 1965 and the 'where the **** is my OMD90 war' of 2003 in Oman.

Price: TBC


.....he looked up at the crew with utter disgust on his face and the shimmering of a tear forming in his left eye. As predicted the Pet Ops had indeed shat in his boot.

The End
**** me BPS, I've done one too . .

Title: Death Supplier - The deliverer of Destruction: Life as an undercover Ammunition Supply Team by Fat_Cav

An excerpt from Chapter 3, 'Flirting with the SAS'

" . . So when the nod came and we received the orders for ammunition to be shipped to the Gulf, we knew that Saddam would get his comeuppance. Reliving that moment in '90, as I shuffled myself down the road from the RTG office to the waiting ESH's, was painful but necessary. I heard a rustling in the bushes, I remembered that the Hereford boys were down for a Unit Collect. I could literally feel their presence. I reached the ESH door, looked around nervously and, inserting the key, hoped that the noise wouldn't be heard beyond the immediate vicinity; Not of the opening of the huge door or the imminent approach by the UK's elite SF team, but my stomach, as I was desperately hungry and the Pie wagon hadn't been yet. . . "
He wanted to interview me for the book, I fucked him off because I'm not having some journo making money on the back of my experiences, I'll write my own book and make my own money AND give a percentage to EOD charities.
how the **** are you gonna hold the pen, mucker? :)
Chapter 2

BPS666 aka "Mudeye" (for the purpose of his book) stared hard out the window from behind his desk in the ivory tower. It was the kind of stare that only a man who had refuelled several zippos under heavy enemy fire would possess. He was waiting, waiting for the task to hit his desk. He knew it was coming, it was just a matter of when. A couple of taps on the door and in walked the CO. That's strange thought Mudeye, i've never noticed those taps on the door before. Without uttering a word the CO slipped a brown envelope on the desk and left. Mudeye trembled as he opened the envelope. This was the one, the jackpot, and possibly the task that would get him his VC. His heart raced as he read the confidential title of the document..........................................................MESS BILL OVERDUE.
I've seen this on Amazon

Bum Hunters: In Brighton with Britain's Premier Household Cavalry Regiment:

A remarkable and true stroy, of dedication, endurance and stating power from the battle hardened men of the Household Cavalry Regiment. How they are tasked to Brighton to undertake the difficult task of seeking-out the secret but deadly gay scene. Blow-by-blow accounts of how they infiltrated and inserted themselves into Terry. During the mission they also managed to come across a few Nigel's, three Jeremy's and a Tarquin. Exclusive stories of Army camp men taking it to the enemy on a scale not seen since the big 'Knightsbridge Outing' of 1986.

Bum Hunters: In Brighton with Britain's Premier Household Cavalry Regiment: Amazon.co.uk Randy McKnob: Books
Fat Cav,

I actually know of a PetSop from Brighton who was working undercover as a civvy when he got inadvertantly bummed by one of the 'Bum Hunters'. He enjoyed it. So much in fact, that he is now a full time bummer/ bummee. It's not me though. I'm double fuckin hard and should not be fucked with (or bummed).

There is a small paragraph in my book about what happened to him, but I haven't written it yet.

I'm gonna towt my book for dramatisation by ITV or if push comes to shove, Sky One. I am gonna be played by Chuck Norris, Donkey Dick will probably be played by that bloke in Holby City who used to be Nigel in East Enders and the rest of the PetSops will probably be played by the likes of Vinny Jones etc. There is a couple of Stackers in my book and I've provisionally approached a bunch of Drama Queens from the RSC but they are busy doing a musical about 24 Regt so if anyone knows of any jobbing actors who can do 'morose' and 'lethargic', they're in. I need about 20000 extras to portray a fight that took place in Paderborn and at least 400 of these will have to play dead (if the legend is to be played out as per the 'gospel truth') There is a particularly amusing scene which takes place on Op Granby where some **** falls asleep on a pump that subsequently catches fire and the final battle scene from that particular conflict is very moving indeed with the whole of the trade (apart from those that survived) getting killed by GWS and Thousand Yard Stares. I've managed to translate onto paper (and hopefully onto celluloid) the incident that involved the issue of the right fuel to the wrong vehicle and I intend to have that music from platoon playing when a Westland Wasp overflys the outstretching arms of Donkey Dick (reaching for the clouds on his knees) whilst he screams 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'
I done a little more reseach and guess what . . ?

Bum Hunters has been made into a film too, although they called it something different, (probably why I couldn't find it)

IMDb: Easy Riders: (2009)
Two countercultures (Gay casual & Bi-Curious Military) travel from London to Brighton in search of Love.

Director: Michael Winner
Writers: Russel T Davis, Ricky Gervais, 1 more credit »
Stars: Jeremy Irons, Peter Tatchel, Sir Ian McKellan

Nominated for 3 Golden Rivets

Cast, First Billed Only

Jeremy Irons - The CO
Peter Tatchel - Tiny Todger (The RSM)
Sir Ian Mckellan - Dirty Dave (The Inn-keeper and part-time Pole dancer)
Ricky Gervais - The "Headmaster"
Ainsley Harriot - Nige The n***er
Gino D'Campo - Typical Italian
Alan Carr - WO2 Tad McNabb (The disgraced Tp Sgt who was thrown out of the SAS)
George Galloway - Himself (Cameo Role)
Lembit Opik - Tpr Useless ****
Ann Widdecombe - Hairy Mary (The Transvestite Love angle with Tiny Todger)

Plot Key Words: Gay, HCR, Herrick, McKnobb, ********, Brighton, PetSop, *******

Parents Guide: Slight swearing, Strong homoerotic undertones

Chap 4 "300 PetSops"

During this chapter the author recalls the incident that evoked the famous and emotional speech that was given by "Mudeye" to the QMSI just after a PFT in Bielefailed in 2004BC.

"Remember us." As simple an order as a PetSop can give. "Remember why we failed." For we did not wish fitness, nor promotion, nor respect, nor poems of war and valor. His wish was simple. "Remember us, for what we are" he said to me. That was his hope, should any PTIs come across that gym, that PetSop battlefield, in all the countless centuries yet to be. May all our voices whisper to you from the beams and ropes, "Go tell the PTIs, the QMSI, the Commanding Officer, that here by PetSop law, we lie, us PetSops, on the Gym floor, after failing your PFT".

In Mudeyes final breath, before collasping on the cold, gym floor, he bellowed;

"The PetSop will NEVER be deemed fit, enabled, normal or indeed human, we will NEVER be in your 300 club"...........
I bought a copy of this was it not worth the £8 asdas were banging them out for

That brought a ******* tear to my eye sunshine! Beautiful and worthy of the Gurner Prize (very similar to the Turner Prize but this time for 'war stories' and shit like that). We do have a couple of PetSops that have reached the dizzy heights of the 300 club but no ****** talks to them. The other '300' club is far easier to get into and involves spending 300 quid on a whore only to find out that she won't actually marry you and doesn't want to be rescued from her life of destitution and whoredom at all. Flicking your undercrackers at your mates head will also attract the pimp who was cracking one out whilst looking through the key hole and usually instigates the re-enactment of a scene from the film 300 whereby the doorman faces insrmountable odds (and usually succeeds) in stopping a numerically superior opposing force from seeking a route through the 'gates'. Once lifted by the filth it's usually a €300 fine to get yourself out of nick before the monkeys turn up and spoil a good night. There have also been a number of PetSops who got a bit confused about the whole 300 club thing and actually weigh 300lbs.

Get one of them Stephen Hawkins voice box thingys and then make your speech recognition thingy have a speak / write off. Could be speech/writing carnage while you sit and admire your own genius! If you think it's a goer for the internet I want a penny a hit!
I've just been trawling through the waterstones eBooks section and spotted this:

Cheese In My Folds: An RLC Drivers War in Helmand.
Author: Pte Lardy McFlab


This poorly written book details the journey of Lardy McFlab from life as a rather fat hobo in civvy street to life as a very fat hobo driving CST's in Helmand's Green Zone. A rather dull and at times frankly dire read, we are taken on a cullinary journey starting with treats that can be found in the skip outside the KFC in Gateshead to the 5* cuisine that can be rescued from the black bags outside any American DFAC. It is briefly interspersed with ramblings about how the author had to stop a CLP in the middle of a contact because he had run out of Drivers Hours. The one amusing chapter in the whole book details how he was airlifted to Kandahar Air Base slung underneath two Chinooks. Predictable as the book is, it was heartwrenching to learn of the extreme medical condition that affects all RLC drivers and the reader is treated to some gruesome pictures of friction burn injuries on the stomach, which the author claims were caused by oversized steering wheels. There is also some useful material on human cheese production which would baffle the editor of The Lancet.


Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
There is a book just on this thread!! Get it down on paper, stretch it out a bit with bullshit, instead of the factual tales of derring-do given above, and you have a winner!


Kit Reviewer

Get one of them Stephen Hawkins voice box thingys and then make your speech recognition thingy have a speak / write off. Could be speech/writing carnage while you sit and admire your own genius! If you think it's a goer for the internet I want a penny a hit!
Are these speech box thingies like Tom Tom. Can you get Ozzy Osbourne or Stephen Fry to be your voice?

Haven't read this one, but the best Bomb Doctor book I've read has been "Braver men walk away". 8 Lives Down wasn't too shabby either.
I would write a book on the life and times of a Vericle Speshulist but we do **** all, I could manage a paragraph on how to annoy units by not first parading their trucks and ragging the arse off them. And the burnt penis and Harley exhaust incident. The rest of the trade stories are classified because we met one of 'them' once, by accident, as we knew he wasn't qualified to drive that very shiny Toyoya Hilux we all wanted.

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