Bohemian Rhapsody Glesga Style

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by johnboyzzz, Jan 7, 2010.

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  1. At last - its been a long time coming, but here it is a Glaswegian version
    of Bohemian Rhapsody enjoy !!!
    must be read to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody!



    Is this the real life?
    Or is it the methodone?
    Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
    Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine........like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
    Um just a weeji,
    Gie us yer Sunny D
    Cos I'll chib yer pal,
    Rip yer da,
    Slash yer dug,
    skelp yer ma!
    Any way the Clyde flows, disnae really matter tae me.....tae me.

    Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
    Buckie bottle tae the heid
    Noo the doozie eejits deid!
    Haw maw, um just oan parole
    An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee......
    Haw Maw.......oohooh ooh
    Never meant tae steal yer purse
    But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'
    Carry oot, carry oot!
    An we'll go oot on the batter!

    Too late...the bailiff's here
    Sends shivers doon ma spine
    Gubbed 10 jellies just in time
    Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go
    Got to go and rip some tosser fae the scheme Haw Maw.......oohooh oooh I'm
    a jakey bam, I sometimes think I've never been washed at all

    I see a little silhouetto of a bam
    Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us some Kappa?
    Thunderbird, White Lightning,
    Very very Frightening, me!
    Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair!)
    Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair and some skins!) Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
    I'm just a fat boy, nae body loves me
    He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
    Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?

    Get tae feck, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
    For fecksake.........NO I will not get a job Get a job!
    For fecksake........ NO I will not get a job Get a job........willnae get a
    job Get a job........willnae get a job no no no no no....

    Oh gonorrheoea!
    Gonnorrhoea!
    Gonnorhoea and the clap!
    Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside For me? For me, For
    meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    So you hink ye can slash me an poke oot ma eye?
    So ye hink ye can chib me an leave me tae die?
    Haw bawbag!
    Can't dae this tae me bawbag!
    Just wait till I'm oot
    Just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!!

    Feck all really matters, anyone can see
    Feck all really matters.....
    Feck all really matters.....
    Tae meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........eeeeeeeeee.........eeeee eeeee!!!
     
  2. The Indian Version

    Naan, just killed a man
    poppadom against his head
    Had lime pickle now he's dead.
    Naan, dinner's just begun
    But now I'm gonna throw it all away.
    Naan, ooh, ooh Didn't mean to make you cry
    If I'm not back from the loo by this time tomorrow
    Curry on, curry on
    Cause nothing really Madras .
    Too late, my dinner's gone
    Sends shivers down my spine
    Bottom aching all the time
    Goodbye onion bhaji, I've got to go
    Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
    Naan, ooh, ooh
    This dopiaza is so mild
    I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all.

    [guitar solo]

    I see a little chicken tikka on the side
    Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh, pass the chutney made of mango
    Vindaloo does nicely Very very spicy
    Meat!
    Byriani (Byriani)
    Byriani (Byriani)
    Byriani and a naan
    (A vindaloo loo loo loo)
    I've eaten balti, somebody help me
    He's eaten balti, get him to the lavatory
    Stand you well back
    'Case the loo is quarantined...
    Here it comes
    There it goes
    Technicolor yawn
    I chunder
    No!
    It's coming up again
    (There he goes)
    I chunder, it's coming back again
    (There he goes)
    Coming back again
    (up again)
    Here it comes again.
    (No no no no no no NO)
    On my knees, I'm on my knees
    On his knees, Oh, there he goes
    This vindaloo
    Is about to wreck my guts
    Poor meee.. poor meeee...poor MEEEEEE!

    [guitar solo]

    So you think you can chunder and then feel alright?
    So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night?
    Oh maybe, but now you'll puke like a baby
    Just had to come out
    It just had to come right out in here.

    [guitar solo]

    [slow bit]
    Korma or dopiaza
    bhaji, naan or saag
    Nothing makes a difference
    Nothing makes a difference
    To meee....
    (Any way the wind blows....shshshs
     
  3. Porridge_gun

    Porridge_gun LE Good Egg (charities)

    Bohemian Rhapsody was written by Bdy F Mercury whilst on duty clutch back in 1974 along with Spr B May, no one recognised him with a No2 haircut.

    When they left the army they rewrote it to include homsexuality and lycra induced songwriting tendancies, but here is the original

     
  4. Mercury cut his teeth (and what a set of teeth to cut) serving in BAOR in the seventies, hence him always favouring that huge tache.

    he penned several of his later works whilst under the influence of warsteiner, and was no stranger to the Regimental nick, having fallen in with a bad crowd and become a bit of a rod.

    He wrote this one whilst SUS for smashing up the NAAFI on a Sunday night during millionaires weekend, and it would later be retitled "The great pretender"


    Oh yes ive just trashed the vendors (ooh ooh)
    Pretending I’m doing swell (ooh ooh)
    My need is such i've just dropped a clutch
    of plop in the collection well

    Oh yes i've just trashed the vendors (ooh ooh)
    Adrift in a world of my own (ooh ooh)
    I've drunk so much beer, that my greatest fear
    Is swamping before I get home

    Too real is this feeling of make believe
    Too real when I feel what my heart can’t conceal

    Ooh oooh ooh oooh yes I just f ucked the vendors (ooh ooh)
    it wouldnt cough up its last pie(ooh ooh)
    i coughed up a clot
    into the coin slot
    and my foot through the glass it did fly

    Yeah ooh hoo
    for my next close shaaaaaave, I'll crap in the microwaaaaaaave

    Oh yes, its the end for the vendors
    they're smashed and all broken to bits (ooh ooh)
    i've nicked all the cash and to be quite flash
    I’m wearing a scotch pie like a crown
    Pretending i'll get away with it
    Invariably i'll end up in nick ...again.

    Mercury was just one of several "elder statesmen of Rock" to serve his country during the dark days of the cold war.... I'm sure their were others :)
     
  5. Non Glesga version.

    Is this the real death, that’s coming fast to me?
    Caught by an illness, no escape from my HIV.
    Open your eyes, then straddle my thighs with glee,
    I’m just a bum-boy, love dicks inside of me
    Because I’m easy come, easy go
    It’s in too high; it’s in too low
    Anyway my dick’s blown, doesn’t really matter to meeeee…………

    Mama, just thrilled a man
    Put my mouth around his dick head
    Pulled his pudding – my name’s Fred.
    Mama, then I stuffed his bum,
    So now I’ve gone and thrown my life away.

    Mama, oh, oh, oh, oh
    Didn’t you hear me sigh?
    That I don’t think I’ll be back again tomorrow
    To carry on, carry on
    I’m just an old fudge packer.

    Too late, I’m going to come
    Get it stuck right up my spine,
    Sphincter aching all the time
    Goodbye everybody, I’ve got to go
    Gotta leave you all behind to face the wall.
    Mama, oh, oh, oh, oh.
    I don’t want to die, I sometimes wish
    I’d never been balled at all.

    I see a little homosexual of a man,
    He’s a poof; he’s a poof can you see his dick dangle?
    Shoot it up the shitter; shoot it up the shitter of me
    What a lay o, what a lay o, what a lay o, on ya go.
    Magnifico, o, o, o

    I’m just a bum boy, everybody loves me
    He’s just a bum boy; he’ll stick it in ye,
    He’ll lose his life thanks to old HIV.
    Easy come; easy go, up your arse I go
    Ya bender, yes up your arse I go – let me go
    Ya bender, yes up your arse I go – let me go
    Ya bender, yes up your arse I go – let me go
    ………………Up your arse I go – let me go
    ………………Up your arse I go – let me go
    Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho,
    Oh diarrhoea, diarrhoea, diarrhoea, here we go
    Oh belt my bum, put a member up inside of me,
    Of me…………of meeeeeeeeeeeee.

    So you think you can fuck me with your big jap’s eye?
    So you think you can give me Aids then I’ll die?
    Cor, big boy, can’t do this to me big boy
    Get your prick out, I wish I’d never been queer.

    My arseholes in tatters, anyone can see.
    If you’re a fudge packer, you will die from HIV.

    Fcukin’ hell my life’s gone..................
     
  6. It's funny you should say that. It's a little known fact that The Police were crewed on the same Scimitar back in the 20's. The young Sting was influenced by many things during this time but in particular by certain German whore he frequented, he was young and naturally wanted to take her away from the lifestyle she chose. He ended up writing one of his most popular songs, although some of the words were changed prior to it's release in the charts.........here's the original


    Though I've tried before to tell her
    That I love her hairy clapper
    Everytime that I come on her
    I just lose control
    And do a little fart

    Every little thing she does is dirty
    Every thing she do just turns me on
    I reckon I’ll be dead before I’m thirty
    But I know my love for her goes on

    Do I have to tell the story
    Of a thousand DM spent since we met
    It's a big and roomy labia
    And I love to get it nice and wet

    Every little thing she does is mucky
    Every thing she do just turns me on
    If I’m fourth on her I feel lucky
    And I know my love for her goes on

    I resolved to marry her the next Bank holiday
    She told me that her pimp would never let her get away
    So I had a quiet word with him
    To ask him if he could
    He kicked the f*ck clean out of me
    And now I can’t get wood

    Every little thing she does is horny
    Every thing she do just turns me on
    She tells me that my songs are really corny
    But I know my love for her goes on

    Every little thing she does is dirty
    Every thing she do just turns me on
    I reckon I’ll be dead before I’m thirty
    But I know my love for her goes on


    Every little thing
    Every little thing
    Every little thing
    Every little thing
    Every little
    Every little
    Every little
    Every little thing she does
    Every little thing she does
    Every little thing she does
    Every little thing she does
    Every little thing she does is dirty

    Every little thing
    Every little thing
    Every little thing she do is dirty, mucky, horny

    dirty, mucky, horny

    {fades with music}

    Of a thousand DM spent since we met
    It's a big and roomy labia
    And I love to get it nice and wet

    Music and Lyrics by B Sumner


    A moving ballad I'm sure you'll agree
     
  7. The Lee Evans version;










































    "Thankyou and goodnight"