Out on the town last night, there came a point I had to visit the toilet. So off I stagger into the mens to have a slash, when out the corner of my eye I see this younger looking Mugabe hopping up and down, so I turn around to wash my hands, when I am hygenically assaulted by what I can only describe as an African Bog Troll! I had my hands squirted with what looked like pink spunk, I was then drowned under a tap, nearly mummified with a cheap roll off shithouse standard hand towles, practically pepper sprayed with what the Bog Troll told me was "pussy juice?", but smelt like arrse juice if im honest, before the final part of the assault where I was kept hostage, and was ordered to "make a donation" to the Bog Trolls silver tray... So I stuck my my now clean and dry hands into my "empty" pocket, and pulled out around 31p in loose change, which I then used to pay the ransom directly into the Bog Trolls silver savings account, only to be thanked with a kiss of the teeth, and a mumble in African that to me, sounded like a voodoo curse! Anyway, the curse must have worked, as 10 minutes later I had a Haiti sized rumble in my stomach, which forced me to run the African Bog Troll gauntlet once again, this time for a cack... Cack done, I stick my hand under the old fashioned bog roll dispenser, you know, the kind attached to the wall and does not try to mug you, and there is fcuk all there!...."whatdoIdo!".. I have to slightly open the door, and ask the Bog Troll for some bog roll, but now I seem to have become fcuking invisible! So in a panic, I pull out a Â£1 coin and wave it out of the toilet door, and guess what, I've now become visible to the Bog Troll once again, who then snatches the coin out of my hand, and exchanges it for a roll of what cannot be described as bog roll. I have now been extorted by the Bog Troll! Anyway, if you read this you must be bored by now, but I thought i'd share my traumatic story with you, in the hope it helps you avoid a nasty meeting with a Bog Troll, as they seem to be taking over toiltes everywhere.