Blown Away by Burns Night

Wish I could have found this in time for the thread in which someone tasked with organizing a Burn's Night was asking for help. I can't claim credit for it and perhaps being married to a Jock has aided my ability to decipher it, but I think it's ace.


Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie.
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin,
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas,
Stert workin like a gentle breeze.
But soon the puddin’ wi the sauncie face,
Will have ye blawin’ all ower the place.

Nae matter whit ye try tae dae,
A’bodys gonnae have tae pay.
Even if ye try to stifle,
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair,
Tae try and stop the leakin’ air.
Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek,
Pray tae God it doesny reek.

But aw yer efforts go assunder,
Oot it comes – a clap o’ thunder.
Ricochets aroon the room,
Michty me, a sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks,
Hope I huvnae pooed ma breeks!
Tae the loo I better scurry,
Aw who cares, its no ma worry.

A’body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or two are nearly bokin.
I’ll feel better for a while,
Cannae help but raise a smile.

“Wis him!” I shout with accusin’ glower,
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower!
“Ye dirty thing!” they shout and stare,
I don’t feel welcome any mair.

Where ere ye go let yer wind gang free,
Sounds like just the job fur me.
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty,
Ower the sake o’ wan wee ferty!!!
Had that as one of the things read out at the Burns dinner I was at.

Raised a few smiles and not because of the terrible scottish accent!


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