Bloody shopping

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Bullet Sponge, Feb 3, 2008.

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  1. It's Sunday, ergo it's my day off, I know this to be true because god said so.

    So what do you think I'm going to be doing on my 'day off'?

    Fecking shopping for maternity clothes in Cheltenham with Mrs Spongey. Before you start on about me not being man enough to stand up to her, she has pulled the "I'm pregnant" card. I have been told by a reliable source, notably her father, a 6' 3" Afrikaaner who happens to have an arms cache that could supply South Africa for a 3 year war, that the "I'm pregnant" argument trumps everything. :(

    If you see a dejected looking Spongey being dragged round Cheltenham by a slightly ball shaped, short arsed woman, please have the good grace to punch me repeatedly so that I may spend the remainder of my 'day off' relaxing in A and E.

    You know I would do the same for you.......
  2. Get her do do it all on-line mate. Got to give up your credit card but..
  3. There's still time to pull the emergency " my credit /debit card has been stolen phone call to the bank" trick, youll be home sooner , down side is a few days for new card .hope this helps
  4. terroratthepicnic

    terroratthepicnic LE Reviewer Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Runners

    At least you are getting out the house. When it's my "days off", I have to spend every waking hour decoration the soon to be nursery.
    While on hers, she gets to spend all day on her fat arrse, watching cr4p on the tv.
  5. A cracking idea, only down side is she's using her own money. Damn her stupid employer for giving her a £300 maternity grant. :x

    What do you think I've been doing for the last 5 'days off'. How many times can one man be expected to change the nursery until it is 'just right'?
  6. Yes give us your card details and we'll do the honourable thing and clear your account out before she gets started :D
  7. msr

    msr LE

    I don't believe there is any limit...

  8. Make her miscarry with a big right hand to her gut..... No more sunday shopping dramas.
  9. Give her the car keys!
  10. Good god, man, use your imagination. You are going shopping in a maternity store...they speak quite freely there about breasts - have all sorts of goodies for the breast. Just keep oggling the breast pumps and assorted breast merchandise and you'll soon be released from your pain. (the missus may not speak to you for a while but that could also be a good thing)
  11. Shame on you for not gladly helping your pregnant wife. First the pleasure then the pain.
  12. Being an amputee, getting out of shopping trips is easy; I just claim that the leg is giving me pain or the prosthesis is not fitting well.

    So, to avoid future shopping expeditions, simply saw off one of your legs.

    Hope that helps,

    K13 :wink:

  13. Now THAT is what I call good advice :D :D :D
  14. do what i do! eye up everything else(thin and sexy brand)

    she will rather go out alone than watch you looking at everything else..

    i get looks everytime i go out, cos i'm such a fanny magnet..

    trust me, afew "corrrr shes worth a spudload" works a treat!!
  15. Result! Not only did I manage to piss Mrs Sponge off beyond all belief but the screaming queen that worked in one of the maternity shops we visited informed me that I won't be welcome again. :)

    All I said was thank god we're having a daughter as it doesn't matter if she's queer.

    Why is it that places always go deathly quiet just as you say things like that. :?

    Needless to say the screaming queer became most opinionated.

    Should I go back and rape him with a strip of razor wire wrapped round a broom handle?

    Mrs Sponge now thinks I'm even more of a twat.