Blood thicker than Darwinism?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BrunoNoMedals, Jan 17, 2012.

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  1. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    I love my kid brother. Not in a Norwich way, but in a proper, manly, family-ties way. He's only 16 and classified as a bit special (second twin, complications at birth, severe dyslexia, etc.) so I give him some leeway in doing stupid things. We also have separate mothers and his maternal genetics are known to be a tad "intellectually sketchy".

    All that aside, I'm starting to wonder just how much I can let slide and whether I need to seize full executive control over his life. After Christmas we went for a family meal, a nice Ruby. He forgot to mention his nut allergy to the chef, and promptly got a bit swollen. It turns out no-one told him that curries contain nuts, or that restaurant SOPs include disclosure of allergies. I glossed over the parenting failure to spare my step-mum, and gave him a crash course in surviving his dinner. No major harm done, I thought.

    Yesterday I got a text saying he was in hospital having come inches from heart failure following a serious reaction. To nuts. In a curry. In a restaurant.

    I'm already in trouble for calling him a "fucking spesh" on Facebook and questioning the life lessons that should have been taught to him by his supposed responsible elders. I know he doesn't qualify for a Darwin as he was handed an epipen in time, but would nominating him for an honourable mention damage family relations further?

    Is this type of lemming-esque stupidity contagious, and should I disown that whole branch of the NoMedals tree before it infects my currently-gestating baby son?

    Aside from the obvious "hard lesson", how else can I teach my brother not to kill himself?

    Advice requested.

    Sent from my X10i using Tapatalk
  2. Make sure a spare epi-pen is always fastened to the string that tied around his wrist to stop his laboon flying away.
  3. Unless you become full time surrogate dad then start bulling your best wellies and dust off the black jacket I'm afraid.

    tits arrse bum and all the other Naafi requirements
  4. As this is the NAAFI - let nature take its course.

    [/NAAFI Mode] As a twin myself, a crash course in survival and a MedicAlert bracelet, unless FourEM's suggestion of being full-time surrogate dad is more appealing.
  5. The_Duke

    The_Duke LE Moderator

    "allergic to nuts" tattoo on forehead?
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Tea bag him and see what happens
    • Like Like x 1
  7. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    It should should be pointed out that he's not a fully paid-up chromosome-dodger, despite the tale suggesting otherwise. Aside from shit spelling, reading, counting and judgment calls in life-threatening situations he's a relatively well-adjusted, thoroughly nice lad.

    I do think a number of relevant warning tattoos on his forehead is the way to go, though.

    Sent from my X10i using Tapatalk
  8. Have "Homophobic" tattooed on his head.

    People will stop him and ask what the hell he thinks he is doing and that will remind him of the "No nuts" rule!

  9. I have every sympathy.

    My tin of cashew nuts told me it might contain nuts, so that was helpful should I have offered anyone else one.

    Feed him curries (without nuts), until he is sick of the sight of curry? Breakfast, lunch, tea and supper for a month should do it!

    A bottle of sherry when I was 14 worked for me for 20 years in avoiding sherry!
  10. Just how big is his forehead?
    • Like Like x 2
  11. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    not big enough, I suspect. If I shaved off his girly emo hair I could fit more on...

    Sent from my X10i using Tapatalk
  12. Give him a balloon, a spoon and a big tub of pistachio ice-cream. At least he'll die happy.
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Don't forget to have those tattoos written back-to-front so he can read them in the mirror !
    • Like Like x 1
  14. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    the beauty of the tattoos is that they warn others (who may otherwise be sued) but conveniently avoid the issue of him not being able to read himself.

    Sent from my X10i using Tapatalk
  15. Teach him to say after ordering his meal NO NUTS in a very loud voice. I.e. Chicken buna, plain nan. NO NUTS. Thus warning the staff to replace the nuts in the recipe with a bodily fluid based substitute.

    naffi aside you are going to get tons of similar incidents. Don't blame yourself or him just help where you can. You could do with talking to a health care professional with experience in this area. Jarrod might be able to point you in the right direction but....