Blondes

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by taxi11, Dec 16, 2010.

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  1. Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.
    The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said,
    "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

    The blondes all nodded.

    The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
    Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said,
    "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect.
    You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."

    So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
    "Now,"
    He said,
    "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

    The blonde immediately said,
    "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

    The detective shook his head and said,
    "Of course he has only one eye in this picture!
    It's a profile of his face!
    You're dismissed!"

    The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

    The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,
    "What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"

    "Yes! He only has one ear!"

    The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,
    "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady?
    This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!
    You're excused too!"

    The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

    The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said,
    "This is probably a waste of time, but...."
    He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,
    "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or Unusual about this man?"

    The blonde said,
    "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.
    " The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
    He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said,
    "You're absolutely right!
    His bio says he wears contacts!
    How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

    The blonde rolled her eyes and said,
    "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only
    One eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
     
  2. you have just wasted 60 seconds of my life with your drivel.
     
  3. And you have just wasted 2 minutes of my life by me trying to think up an amusing reply to you. I failed.
     
  4. You have wasted those yourself mate!
     
  5. I don't mind at all. I think more people should reply to threads. Cheers mate.
     
  6. A redhead went to A&E and complained that whatever part of her body she touched, it really hurt. "Show me" said the doc. She began prodding herself..thigh, breast, shoulder, head and each time let out a squeal of pain.

    The medic said "You're really a blonde gone red aren't you?" Amazed, the redhead/blonde said "How did you know?"
    The doc replied "Because you have a broken finger."
     
  7. That's better Monty
     
  8. ...shorter if nothing else
     
  9. Old but worth another outing.

    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and small theatres. He's going through his usual run of blonde jokes at one, when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your degrading blonde jokes you dickhead. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's people like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large ... all in the name of humour."
    Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologise, but the blonde interrupts, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that mouthy little fucker on your knee!"