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Bloke food

Years ago (I think) there was a TV programme (series?) about some of the things blokes cooked at home. I don't have a TV and never saw it, but read a few things about the series in the paper.
It reminded me of the days (30 years ago) when I was in Elizabeth Barracks, Minden. It was the first time I'd ever been stationed in a block where singlies had their own cooking facilities! I used to buy stuff from the NAAFI pads shop and heat them up in my mess tin(s) if I felt hungry when I got back to camp. (Because I'd run out of beer tokens and couldn't afford the schnell imbiss.) I still do it.
My favourite 'recipe' is as follows:

1 x tin Stewed Steak
1 x tin Minced Meat
Spices, various
Rice, slack handful

Fill kettle, switch on, boil water
Empty tins into microwaveable bowl, add spices (whatever) and put lid on.
Put rice into similar microwaveable large bowl.
When water boiled, tip into rice bowl so water covers rice.
Nuke in microwave for 11 minutes on medium
When cooked, take out of microwave and leave to stand in the hot (boiling) water.
Place meat dish in microwave.
Nuke in 5 minute segments (stirring each time) until hot.
When meat is hot, take out of microwave.
Empty water from rice.
Put some rice (all of it?) on plate.
Cover with meat (to taste).

What do you cook when you get home and can't afford the schnelli? In other words, what's your favourite 'bloke food' recipe?
See Egg Banjo thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eggs Cost Fuck All

Bread Even Cheaper

Bit of Oil

Frying pan and heat source

Now come on, the simplest Bloke food ever, possibly the cheapest and makes you fart like a motherfarcker just to pi5s the girls off even more, (in so much they never left you supper ready to ping cook)

I can black-cat all of them!

I blew up the microwave at HMS Cambridge in '94 due to a slight misunderstanding of cooking instructions for a can of Stella. No new microwave was forthcoming for a while so I invented the messdeck barbecue. Quite simple really, buy a nato standard Ginsters pastie,whack the pusser's radiator on max chat then ram said pastie in between the facets. lo and behold...in around 3hrs time you had a lukewarm pastie or had fucked of down town already for a pint because the excitement of forthcoming Hors d'oeurves was just too much!

(No Ipods in those days...yakunts) :wink:
Lincolnshire or Cumberland sausages fried, then cut down the middle and placed between thick slices of buttered bread with fried onions, mustard and ketchup.
Usually I'll wash it down with one more ice cold beer straight from the fridge. If it's already becoming daylight outside I'll make a big mug of hot sweet tea, strong with loads of milk. Then have a last scotch as a nightcap.

Bas!ard I'm hungry and salivating now....
Take .....

1 Iceberg lettuce
One loaf of bread
2 fistfuls of stuff you may find in a salad - onions - pickled onions - spring onions etc.
and/or Salad cream.


Cut loaf in half and gouge out centre of each half - (TIP - keep the bits you gouge out - the wife can use them for stuffing if you don't tread on them)

Line each loaf cavity with butter or stuff you can't believe is not

Cut lettuce in half - discard outer leaves until you get to the nice juicy heart - tear that up and stuff inside loaf halves.

Add other salad ingrediments - and/or salad cream.

Gnaw into the barsteward.


Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
A young Fillipino lady, lightly dressed in virtually nothing, garnished with warm oils, and spread on table.
Start at the parson's nose and work upwards.
Take some kind of bastardised potatoe: fried, nuked, baked chips, wedges, twirly fries ect.

then boiling water, bisto gravy grunules, tea spoon of oil (veg, olive or sunflower) and a tablespoon of marmite and gently warm in pan.

Add together and serve with large amounts of bread and butter - Chips and Marmite gravy!