Block Stories In Germany!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by iLoveYourMumDrunk, Apr 15, 2011.

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  1. Would like to hear of everyone sick, grotesque stories of the Single block life life whilst deployed in Germany. I'll start off;

    After a night out my mate would decide it would be funny to rather than make the 10 metre walk to the toilet he would shit in the plastic NAAFI bag outside my room, which of course was fine. The next afternoon we found the said plastic bag containing it's crude contents.
    With one of the sprogs stood at the other end of the corridor I started to tease him by swinging the bag round and round gaining momentum, as it was amusing for me to watch the red-ass cowar in fear. But then the inevitable happened and the bag split, spewing all this runny shit in the direction of the sprog, covering him head to toe, all over the walls, all over the ceilling. The lad was good humoured enough to crack a smile reavealing a piece of bum nugget on his teeth!! Block jobs where certainly not a treat that sunday....
  2. udipur

    udipur LE Book Reviewer

    I remember an Aussie officer attached on Long Look explaining how Aboriginals have a problem pronouncing the letter 'F' and instead use 'P'. He told me of one weekend the diggers kept a lady of that hue in the block for pleasuring, general distribution for the use of, over a weekend and, as he was doing his rounds as Orderly Orifice, he heard this cry from the block:

    "Puck me, hojo, puck me. Puck me like a pillum star!"

    He told me this whilst I was doing the rounds and many a bored night on duty thereafter, I used to pass our blocks wondering if the German prisoners and whores would yell out similar entreaties. Sadly, my hearing is either rubbish or they were silent entertainment.
  3. Walking into the bogs to find one of MT/HQ Tp, pissed as a fart, trying to shag the blow-up doll that was hanging in there.

    The OC ('pinhead' Pinnel) showing off 'his' squadron to a couple of relatives. Rather foolishly he opened the judas gate into Support Troops lines without looking. Far end of the wall was a romper suit with a "bloody" crutch and "handprints", with the caption "The Buxton Sex Case strikes again".

    A bit of a long one. One lad, Eddy O was always buying dildos and the like for when his g/f would come over and visit. Another lad, Mac McLellan, rarely received mail. One day, Mac is wandering around with a look of wonder on his face, clutching a package and telling everyone who would listen "Look, I've got a parcel". Eddy takes one look and says "nah, its mine. I ordered it in your name". Its a penis developer. That night Eddy demo's it working... New Troop banana - Strapback-Left - is posted in, and on first room inspection tells me I have too much "fresh meat" pinned up. Staffie suggests I replace it with gay porn... following week, Troopy does the rounds, and fails to see the funny side of the 'new meat'. I suggest he has a gander at Eddy's locker... where he is greeted by a penis developer flanked by half a dozen dildos and vibrators, and promptly faints.

    Then there's the usual tide marks on the curtains, women being smuggled in, one full screws missus being shagged in the showers after he went back to his bunk, the cpl and the 2sqn sapper, sqn bar events (oh happy days), block fights, line raids. I'm sure wedge can remember more than me...
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  4. I once popped into Paderborn, had a quick half of diet-coke, bimbled back to Alanbrooke and was tucked up in bed by 2130hrs with a good book. Those were the days.
  5. Finding one of the lads passed out pissed on his bed with a dildo up his arrse using ketchup as lube.

    One of my room mates running in and grabbing his matress and pulling it out the room at fart o clock in the morning. When asked why he said he'd pulled 2 birds and was gonna have a threesome in the tv room. So I gave him 10 minutes then ran in with the fire hose on full blast. Last saw the 2 birds running half dressed out of camp.

    Roof runs from the attic Sqn bar in the dead of winter on an icy roof.

    Corridor parties being banned so everyone moving to the stairwell to have it instead.

    The Sqn bar being practically wrecked on a Fri and Sat night then a load of hungover Sappers rebuilding it Sunday morning with stacks of green string and harry black.

    Getting a huge bollocking from the SSM on Monday morning when most of the Sqn paraded in rag order and the majority missing eyebrows and shaved chunks of head hair.
  6. i REALLY do not want to recount those time in 37 Fd Sqn's block during the 80's .... shivering just thinking about how much booze/smokes were had.
  7. I remember a couple of the REME lads in Hohne doing what they did best on a Friday afternoon - drinking pints of spirits to "impress" the rest of the lads.

    We had the last laugh when one of them piled his motor into another car on the main drag outside of camp 5 hours later.

    He was pronounced dead at the scene.
  8. MB 38,Hohne,one of the lads lobs a thunderflash into broom cupboard in corridor,runs back into his room,jumps onto his bed and waits for explosion.Unfortunately,his bed space backed onto broom cupboard,and wall promptly collapses onto him.How we all laughed.
  9. drunk in the stadt of hameln.lost key. had to kick down my door to get in.spent all sunday doing joinery with a leathermans and painting.i still can't beleive i was to pissed to not of just kick the fucking bottom panel out.t'was a common sight,sappers arses crawling through doors in the early hours
  10. Walking to the block next door to knock up my bezzer to get out on the lash. His room door was locked and after much hammering ( I thought the lazy cunt was gonking) the bloke next door pops his head round an says that hes got his bird in there. Being the gent I thought I,ll give him an hour to empty his pods into the most hideous big haired , big boned Jarman bint ever and return later. An hour passed to two after getting into a game of Sgt Maj in the Sqn bar. I wandered down again and hammered on his door , only for the bloke next door to appear again and tell me " just go on in bud half his fuckin troop are in there" I opened the door to the most hideous sight of this thing wearing only patent white leather cowgirl boots with tassels.. legs akimbo sucking of our section Cpl while matey boy was workin over her big black hairy pussy with a Herfy bottle. Two other blokes were passed out on his sofa (one had the map of Africa etched onto his 501s) And another bloke stood in the corner having a 5 knuckle shuffle under his Ron Hills. I expressed my disgust at my so called bezzer for not inviting me to the party & went back out on the lash. He did make it upto me tho by lending me 20DM to get sucked off by a fit Russian chick on the Reaper Bahn one nite. I was going to use this ancedote during my best mans speech at his wedding the other year but I thought better of it as his now misses has a black belt in Karate.

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  11. Once a long time ago... In Bradbury Barracks, 16 Sigs, Krefeld... after a night on the Heineken. From the 3rd floor I used to 'huughhieee' out the windows all over some b'stards Beemer parked just beneath said window. I used to do this on a regular basis with the occasional bladder full of wee going out the window as well. Said b'stard soon moved his car never to park it there again..... didn't do the paintwork much good, itw as covered in marks from piss, puke and a few other 'items' of human bodily function origin... I never did find out who owned the car....... Ooops!! Sorry mate......
  12. One Fri night in Fallingbostel one of the lads girlfriends had a baby back in the UK so we all went out and celebrated, back to the block and partied on. Next morning CSM stuck his head round the door to say congrats and was met with a scene of complete devistation. Cool guy though he just kicked my bed and said ok boy I will be back in 30mins and off he went, cue 25 mins of absolute panic and we just made it good when he walked back in and said congrats to the guy and gave us all a knowing smile. what a bloke.
  13. Got posted to BMH Rinteln a week after getting wed, I was put into the block until a MQ became available. Girl in room next to mine had a full leg cast on, but that wasn't going to stop her... Remember lying in bed with my husband trying to keep the honeymoon feeling going when we heard her come in at silly o'clock, giggling her head off. Then heard a distinctly male voice... then another male voice... then another! All action in my room stopped as we plastered our ears to the adjoining wall and wondered at the positions she'd have to contort herself into to accommodate three men with the cast on!
  14. ancienturion

    ancienturion LE Book Reviewer

    Well, if you didn't video it, at least some pictures please.
  15. Reminds me of a very wild night with L*z B***e in Rinteln.