Blind date Tips

#1
Right my pal's wife has got me a Blind date ! ..... seen the pic etc mind you it did look like it was cut out of a magazine ........ ! TO upset all concerned what topics would you think are UN - suitable in this kind of situation :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

Fisting and Bukkaka are not an option ...... yet !

Decided to edit ...
 
#2
If it's a foursome/group do the cunning pre-RCB thing - play the "facilitator". "So how do you two know each other?" "You've got a story about something like that, Geoff, haven't you?" "So she never knew it was you? Did anyone else find out?" Look fascinated while they talk about themselves.

Hours will seem like weeks :D
 
#3
You have failed at stage one!!!!

How can we possibly assess the situation and present a viable mission with out having recce'd the vital ground?


POST THE PICTURE SOONEST!!!!!! :twisted: :twisted:
 
#4
Gremlin said:
You have failed at stage one!!!!

How can we possibly assess the situation and present a viable mission with out having recce'd the vital ground?


POST THE PICTURE SOONEST!!!!!! :twisted: :twisted:
An - has made the fatal mistake of confirming ownership of above, in opening thread post.

Get 'em up H3. :D
 
#7
Never tell her that you still live with your mam. Oh, and discussing dog warden tactics is a no-no as well, and always have a back up plan. Get a mate to phone you 10 mins into the "date" to say the house is on fire so you can make a hasty exit.

If it's that bad, you will have completed said "date" in 7 minutes and gone home to set your own house on fire. Trust me, I know this from experience. His coffee hadn't even gone cold. I think I said I had ebola or something, or that I'd left the dog outside in the rain and he didn't have a coat on and was allergic to puddles etc etc.

Just never forget the back up.....
 
S

syledis

Guest
#8
Pretend to listen to her, and nod in understanding, worked for 12 years for me until she rumbled i was an idiot!!

Tell her you are going to the Cinema and that you will meet her inside. She will be impressed by your thriftyness
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
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#10
Don't forget to take the rhophynol.
 
#11
If you do get off with her, shove your fingers up her ARRSE, even if she doesn't like it, it will get you out of making breakfast in the morning!
 
#12
The following subjects should be avoided.

Your former wives
Your former girlfriends
Your former boyfriends
Wank socks.
Wanking in sangars.
Wanking onto digestive biscuits.
Skiffing and 'Dirty Sanchez'
Sexual proclivities of the mortar platoon.
Your collection of hardcore Danish animal porn
Showing her the 'Horse of Death' video clip on your mobile.
Your collection of ears/noses/trigger fingers/teeth collected from enemy dead from various battlefields.

Fascinating as these subjects are, most women will find them a turn off. This list is not exhaustive.

Thank you and Good luck!
 
#13
walt_of_the_walts said:
The following subjects should be avoided.

Your former wives
Your former girlfriends
Your former boyfriends
Wank socks.
Wanking in sangars.
Wanking onto digestive biscuits.
Skiffing and 'Dirty Sanchez'
Sexual proclivities of the mortar platoon.
Your collection of hardcore Danish animal porn
Showing her the 'Horse of Death' video clip on your mobile.
Your collection of ears/noses/trigger fingers/teeth collected from enemy dead from various battlefields.

Fascinating as these subjects are, most women will find them a turn off. This list is not exhaustive.

Thank you and Good luck!
What in God's name is he going to talk about then? The weather?
 
#15
Topics for a blind date convo, if you want a ride....



The charity work you do

How you would love to have lots of children

Your love of all animals, cuddly or not so

Your housework ethic

How great she looks

How she looks (5-10 years younger than she is)

Make a point of asking her if she wants to go dutch, or be treated as a woman should be (always a winner)



Failing any of the above, drug the bint and use her



She wont remember you anyway, so game on ;)
 
#17
Tell her how many people you've killed*. If none, make a number up - but not too big or she'll think you're a bit odd.

*You may want to consider whether you say you were in the Army at the time, that's a judgement call.
 
#18
You only need three things on a blind date.
Rohypnol, Rohypnol, Rohypnol.

Other useful phrases

"Get in the Van I've got a knife"

"Lets not turn this rape into a murder"

"Fecking hell love, how did you get dressed? Cover yourself in Velcro and run through Scope?"

Make sure you spaff a good distance away from the Body - DNA evidence tends to stick in court.

Hope this helps.
 
#19
Dont forget not to tell her that wimmin in general dont understand the male orgasm and that you have never had a decent wank from a dorothy. Nor about your collection of soiled panties and the silver box full of pubic hair you keep by the bed.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#20
Don't take off the balaclava
 
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