So in my time so far I have come across some bullshitters, had blokes in the office trying to lie there way ot of a charge etc. Worse ones have to be those who claim that such and such (famous or infamous) is a member of the family, mate, ex GF/BF. Therefore I am throwing it out there to the young, the old and the bold... what is the worse excuse, lie or fabrication of the truth you have so far heard in your time served or past time served: I will start with this one, as it always makes me chuckle: Whilst serving with 1 Ches*** Regt in Ballykilner, the CSM shouted me into the office to ask where was Lcpl W****, can I check UNICOM and see if he had put a leave pass in. No sooner had I done so than the CSM received a phone call from said LCpl stating he had just been released from hospital as he had been badly beaten up the night before and was now driving back to catch a ferry back to NI ASAP. Sympathetic as always the CSM told him to report to him as soon as he returned in best clobber, feet in IN Tray etc. Flick to next day around 1000hrs when 2 PSNI Officers walk into the Coy HQ with LCpl W**** who indeed looked as though he had done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. Closed doors in OC's office with CSM, PSNI and LCpl W****, door opens eventually and they all troop out with the CSM informing LCpl W to get his arse into uniform and report back to him with immediate effect. Being a clerk and trusted with certain information I was called into the CSM office to be informed to get a charge report ready for LCpl W. It seems that this bloke had got pissed, missed his ferry woke up and panicked, called the CSM with the lie he had been beaten up. On getting to NI and just 1 mile from Barracks had parked up and decided to make the lie more realistic by sitting in his car and then proceeded to beat himself up by repeatedley punching himself in the face. PSNI on driving past though WTF is going on here and arrested him thinking he had major mental health issues! Brought him back where the story (lie) did unfold. Of course the story was leaked out as is always the case and (still) years later, people are heard to shout acroos the square at him " I'm Kicking my own ASS"