Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Cuddles, May 14, 2008.

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  1. In the course of a lunchtime chat about the pleasures of Yorkshire, I was reminded of an incident which occurred in Harrogate in 1990. A friend and I had been invited to a course for senior grown ups in a major UK defence company. We were by comparison to the other delegates lower than a dachshunds testes. So as the end of course dinner began to damp down we felt it was appropriate to thin out and go in search of more suitably junior devillment!

    In the basement of the victorian spa hotel we were using, was a big function room. Earlier in the week we had used it for some of the lectures. Today it had been subject to knockings and bangings and quantities of booze and sound equipment had disappeared into the room. Our partydar was giving unusually high readings and there was an odour of cheap perfume and free drink calling us...

    We made our way, suited and booted, into the cellar and found a veritable Bacchanalia of a company Christmas do was in train. However it was obvious from the moment we walked in that this was a closely-knit team, a small regional branch or the like of a financial institution...let's call it the Ripon and Masham Building Society. A party goer formed up to us and began the interrogation but before he could out us as crashers a more senior party goer hove into view.

    He asked us a question, which to this day I hold we gave a true answer to. "Are you the guys form head office?" Naturally alert we replied yes we were and inspiredly apologised for being delayed. "Oh that's alright" quoth Brian, regional manager/director/commissar. "You're here now and we can crack on."

    Handed glasses of long and fizzy stuff, we were then propelled forwards to the stage. Where, over the course of about twenty minutes, I presented awards for "Best salesman" "Most mortgages underwritten" and "Ugliest YTS in god's creation" or some such. I was then asked by Brian if "Alan" had given me a message for the troops...

    Oh boy! I gave a brief five minute pep talk, praising the branch and saying how much we in the London office looked to them to set a lead. "Ovation, standing ovation, all stand.."wasn't in it. Especially when I insisted the free bar be extended until midnight and charged back to Head Office...

    I even had my picture taken for the company magazine presenting "Man of the Year" plaques to one of these happy campers...I imagine the real head office bods were quite stunned when they saw they had in fact been at the do after all! I like to imagine that the branch, inspired by my erm..situational leadership...went on to greater things in 1991. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when "MRBS Monthly" hit the MD's desk...Most of all however, I would have loved a sight of the "Harrogate Branch, Christmas do bar-tab 1990" correspondence. I fondly imagine a bible thick tome full of angry memos.

    Oh and if Sandra is out there somewhere in Yorkshire, with her little ginger soldier now 18 years old; well you said you didn't mind not using contraception and frankly if you believe anyone called "John Milsom" could do that, there and that probably got what you deserved.

    As for me, I'm all grown up and normal now. So being that bold and bad is alright as it is history!
  2. words just can't say enough really !
  3. You Sir, are a King amongst men! We are not worthy. I bow down to the sheer epic-ness of this blag!
  4. Trans-sane

    Trans-sane LE Book Reviewer

    Beats me hollow. Best blag I have ever pulled off was getting me and 2 (female) mates into the VIP section of a club by me claiming to be one of Abs's (from the boy band Five) minders.

    Then again I didn't even know who Abs was even when I bumped his elbow at the bar. We chatted for a couple of mins with me getting evils from his flunkies- if looks could kill I'd have been on an autopsy slab- and he bought me a beer.

    But Cuddles I must salute you sir. That is a blag of epic, nay mythical proportions!!!
  5. Gobsmackingly brilliant. A new star in the firmament Sir.
  6. Sir I salute you :salut: :salut: :salut: :salut: :salut: :salut: :salut: :salut: :thumright:
  7. It was a long time ago...but I feel very honoured by your comments. Let us not forget my young padwan who sttod beside me though, even though I knew that foremost in his mind was the awful prospect of getting caught...he stuck it out though. As did I with the bank bird later.
  8. I still recall being stopped in the corridor of a DC hotel by a woman with clipboard. sheasked if I was there with the conference and in retrospect I answered her accurately, if not exactly. she then asked me a few questions which started generic and became a little more specific than I would have expected at the outset.

    Obviously satisfied with my responses to that point, she then asked me if I would be prepared to take a more detailed questionnaire in return for which I would receive a set of gynaecological instruments.

    I twigged that she was not part of the Association of the US Army symposium I was attending and brushed her off with a great line, which to this day I am sooo proud of "I'm sorry, I'm not a professional gynaecologist, merely a gifted amateur..."
  9. That's a very entertaining tale of derring do. :clap:
    But what happened to the real guys from head office then?
    Did you go back and let them out of the cellar? Or are they still down there? :twisted:
  10. I think they probably just didn't bother to turn up...this was the 90s after all and we were north of Watford!
  11. Brilliant Cuddles. The presentations topped it off.

    You sir, have balls of steel.
  12. That reminds me of our pyramid of beer in Belize. In this photo were we all pretty methed and it had dwinded a bit! :lol: