I live in a little fictional village, no crime, full of OAPs (yeah including me now), everyone lives in each others pockets and knows when they have a pooh etc. etc. There was a house alarm going off tonight where I live, I went round with the killer dog (and my slippers), the lights were on in the house and I had a quick check around to see if there was anyone there (the dog had a quick pooh on some elses lawn at the same time) nothing. I called the alarm people - answermachine. I called the police - answermachine. I called another police number - Oh OK Mrs Slug, we might not have an officer in the area. "They might be dead and I am not going round there without my machete" (I don't actually have a machete but I have some fairly nasty hedge clippers). "Are your neighbours in danger"? "I don't know, they are not answering the door, are you going to send someone round"? "We will get someone there if we can Mrs Slug". 40 mins later, a knock from the Plod. "Hello, we have checked the property and it seems fine". "Oh well that's fine then". What time does the Outrage bus get POL'd? What a cracking birthday I had!