Bizzies are Rubbish

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by The_Snail, Aug 7, 2008.

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  1. I live in a little fictional village, no crime, full of OAPs (yeah including me now), everyone lives in each others pockets and knows when they have a pooh etc. etc.

    There was a house alarm going off tonight where I live, I went round with the killer dog (and my slippers), the lights were on in the house and I had a quick check around to see if there was anyone there (the dog had a quick pooh on some elses lawn at the same time) nothing.

    I called the alarm people - answermachine.

    I called the police - answermachine.

    I called another police number - Oh OK Mrs Slug, we might not have an officer in the area. "They might be dead and I am not going round there without my machete" (I don't actually have a machete but I have some fairly nasty hedge clippers).

    "Are your neighbours in danger"?

    "I don't know, they are not answering the door, are you going to send someone round"?

    "We will get someone there if we can Mrs Slug".

    40 mins later, a knock from the Plod.

    "Hello, we have checked the property and it seems fine".

    "Oh well that's fine then".

    What time does the Outrage bus get POL'd?


    What a cracking birthday I had!
     
  2. Doh !
    you were meant to have gone into the house, we were all there waiting to give you your suprise party !

    WW
     
  3. I doubt it very much darling. A cup of tea and some cake with green icing was the best I got.
     
  4. <Shudders>

    Thank goodness I have the "killer dog".

    I would seriously kick the flying f*uck out of anyone who tried to break into my house.
     
  5. I knew a Turkish SNCO once who told me that (in Turkey) one of his officers had shot, and killed, a burglar and then gone back to bed. He only reported the incident in the morning when the police came and took the body of the woukd be robbing twat, because to do so earlier was a waste of time. After all he said, he was dead, lying on a stone foor, going nowhere and it was too early in the morning to bother the police with such a trivial incident.
    Amazing attitude compared with all the fuss made here, where we have stories about burglars making claims for damages against house owners because they hurt themselves breaking in! What have we come to?