Bizarre letter in Thursdays Daily Mail

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Barrack Room Lawyer, Nov 30, 2007.

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  1. There was a rather Bizarre letter in yesterdays Daily Mail, Ive looked to see if its online but cannot find it, so at great time and expense, here it is lovingly reproduced:

    My Military Career

    The date was August 1977, in Londonderry. Our patrol had just left the comfort and sucurity of Ebrington Barracks and was heading across the Craigavon Bridge into the Bogside.

    We'd been briefed to be on the look-out for suicide bombers, unattended cars and anyone acting in a strange manner. Afteronly half an hour, I began to feel uneasy, wishing our commanding officer hadn't taken the battalion's three Land Rovers to Belfast so she and her fellow officers could go wine tasting.

    Just then we came under small arms fire from a block of flats 500 yards away. Thankfully, on this occasion, none of my men was hit.

    But we couldn't take any chances in that environment, so the call went out over the radio: "Mayday,Mayday. We are in the zero bravo area. Help is needed ASAP!"

    With the RAF's one Tornado out of action, it was down to the Americans to save our skins. Flying from one of several bases in England, they arrived within four hours, totally wiping out 99 per cent of all life forms in the area with 500lb napalm bombs dropped from three miles up.

    For as long as I live, I'll always remember that day: totally missing the target, the American bombs fell on us, killing all 69 of my men, I was the sole survivor.

    After soldiering for another 35 years and reaching the rank of Field Marshal, I have now retired with a big fat pension and spend my days slagging off the Labour Government.

    NINO HOBLYN, Caistor, Lincs

    If you wish to reply, do so to this address:
  2. The biggest Wah, I've ever seen!
  3. Truly bizarre and smells like a well executed wah.
  5. I couldnt believe something like this would be published, does the author belong to Arrse?
  6. His credentials stack up.....lets invite the blagger.
  7. Superb! Top marks to the author and a wink to the editor of the Mails letters page.

    Thousand yard stares all round!
  8. Right, I remember it so well, that was the day the Centurion Tanks came into action with their new HESH rounds and the PIRA Brigade we were fighting took to the hills all 17 of them!! The word for a male hen is a cock!
  9. I am not sure it is a wahh! Smells like parody to me.
  10. No sh!t sherlock
  11. Also Nino Hoblyn of Caistor has more than a few Google hits.
  12. It must be an arrser.
  13. Is the name an anagram of an ARRSE user name?
  14. Google is your friend.

    Apparent regular writer of letters to the Editor, such as this one:

    "The countdown to smoke-free day" article in the May County News tells us that about 145 non-smokers die in Lincolnshire each year because of smokers like myself. Yes, I am a smoker. I have been a smoker now for the past 70 years, smoking on average over 80 cigarettes a day.

    Using the 145 figure, it works out that I have killed over 10,000 people with my second-hand smoke. Combine these figures with all the smokers in Lincolnshire and all the nonsmokers will be dead anyhow within another four to five years, so what is the point in going ahead with all this?

    Can’t we just be left alone, because at the end of the day, if you can’t stand the smoke, you shouldn’t be in the pub.
    Nino Hoblyn, Caistor

    If he's real (rather than the creation of a fertile mind), I'd certainly buy him a pint and hopefully record the conversation.