Bizarre Kitchen Injuries

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by theloggie, May 4, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Having just removed the top of my little finger with the new potato peeler, which unusually was actally being used to peel a potato! (fingers bleed loads don't they?) - I was wondering if there were any other arrsers out there who had similarly come a cropper.

    If this was a B movie it would be called 'When Utensils bite back'.

    Pictures are always good too - as soon as I get the plaster off I will submit one!
  2. tried to fry an egg naked once never again.
  3. Grating cheese quickly, luckily the skin off my knuckle stayed on the grater instead of in my sandwich :D
  4. There was a young woman from Lincoln in the early 1990s that lost her womb due to a kitchen incident!

    She was indulging in a post club bacon sarnie, in her own kitchen, when she was suddenly grabbed from behind and viciously raped.

    The resulting injuries led to her having a full hysterectomy.
  5. Mongo

    Mongo LE Reviewer

    Once I dropped a fork whilst barefoot in the kicthen.
    For some reason, I decided that it would be a good idea to stop the fork hitting the ceramic floor very hard (it would have done no damade) and so i stopped it with my foot.

    Of course it was spiky-end down, and I received four very neat little dents in my foot..
  6. When you first arrived on Arrse I thought you were a decent young lad. Now I want to peel you and throw you in a vat of dalmation slavver.
  7. I was in a hurry! :oops:
  8. heard of a couple who went to A&E for treatment after a kitchen "accident" he had lacerations to his bell end and she had concussion,
    apparently she was giving him a blow job in the kitchen when her jaw muscles spasmed she bit down unable to let go, he was in pain (Obviously!) so he hit her with the nearest thing to hand, a frying pan.

    now from a safety point of view, safe sex etc, she should have been wearing a crash helmet and he should have had a steel condom on!
  9. when i was about 9, my dad spilt a tray full of red hot chicken fat down my arm....cue F*ck off blisters for weeks.....barsteward!!!
  10. We were all young once.

    Send me a photo of your knob - be a mate.
  11. I don't think it was his knob cheese he was grating....was it?? :?
  12. There is always someone who thinks he is funny.
  13. Got to be when i was cooking bacon half pissed, bout an inch space from the grill (electric heated rod not the flame one)and the bacon top part of my hand touched the hot grill and the smell of burnt flesh still hasnt left the kitchen and got a nice straight scar on top of my hand now.

    Another good one when i put some noodles in the microwave without adding water, cue 2 minutes later place is on fire.

  14. When I was a youngish Cabbage Mechanic on HMS Herald, I was carrying a large dish of freshly cooked chips heading to replenish the counter, which on a n H Boat is athwartships (across the boat.

    The ship rolled heavily, OOW manouvres at mealtimes) I started sliding and ended up ass over tit behind the ice cream machine covered in hot chips and fat, squealing like a stuck pig surrounded by laughing chefs and customers.

    Luckily no permanent scars just a dent to my pride.

    On same ship another chef slipped and covered himself in boiling gravy, we threw him in the spud sink, full of spuds and threw buckets of water over him until Sick Bay Tiff turned to.