Bizarre experiences #147

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by smartascarrots, May 1, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I took the bus to work this morning and as I got on I noticed the seat behind me was occupied by a brace of charming young blonde ladies, chattering away in East European accents. As I was reading my book, the occasional word drifted past my consciousness until my radio-stag honed ears homed in on the keyword 'pyjamas'.

    My mind drifted off into a pleasant little reverie involving pillowfights and Haagen Daas until the little klaxon at the back of my mind finally managed to draw my attention to one other aspect of their conversation that I'd subconsciously picked up on.

    They were talking about 'clients'. Exclusively male 'clients'. In normal conversational tones, in a reasonable amount of detail and in ways which made it quite clear to all concerned what services these 'clients' were receiving. I would normally have put it down to just me leaping to conclusions, but the expression on the face of the wee wummin sitting opposite told me it wasn't.

    So, ARRSERs, question. Actions on encountering young blonde East European prostitutes in an everyday situation: should I have a) asked for a business card and how much it would cost for the pair of them; or b) listened to God's Holy Words and purified their lust-pits with fire?
  2. Jestem policjantem !! przesuwaja wasze tkaniny !! ........ prosze :D

    Or deploy Sutcliffe stick ?
  3. I would never catch a bus as it's far easier to walk but if I had been lazy that day I would have pulled out my East Yorkshire Library Services card and told them I was a member of the vice squad and was arresting them, however if they 'cooperated' ...............
  4. Does your mobile have a camera? Covert photo may help to decide any further action!
  5. That didn't happen, did it?

    Eastern European hookers getting out of bed in the rush hour to commute? Pull the other one!

    Hypothetically though, you should have found out how much they discount on Mondays due to being sore and lethargic from the weekend. Finding a clean, tidy whore who charges peanuts on a Monday is like finding a diamond in the rough.
  6. christ it's a bank holiday on monday you should've asked what rates they would have. Hence my answer the business card! :twisted:
  7. Smartascarrots, I just happened to notice the seat behind me was occupied by three blondes, yeah right,! you mean you saw them and thought I'd best dive in there sharpish before someone else gets it first,!!!!
  8. Slightly off-subject (I know...) In the train a few years ago on my way home from Stanstead. Two blerks behind me discussing their trip abroad, and how ole whatshisface was now top of the score board. The next venue. All the runners and riders. There was even an international competition.

    Got home, and hit t'internet. That's I now know what dogging's about... :oops:
  9. I've used this same tactic on a train. I just happened to be in half uniform going for the civvy jacket look with filthy post exercise bergan along for the ride...

    "Oh nowhere well known. Just Bosnia rescuing Orphans from a bombed out hospital for kids with learning difficulties."


    Another mobile number to the Bat Phone Please!
  10. I was on the receiving of extra duties over the Christmas period for letting 2 eastern european hooers get booked into camp after midnight (should have been out by 12).

    I might have got away with it had they not done the walk of shame past the provo sgts guard mount.
  11. NO NO you should have offered them your business card and then after the normal personal vetting procedure you could have hired them. Which bus was that?
  12. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke On ROPs Book Reviewer

    I never liked Mr_Deputy, but now I do. Your Eastern Euro bints may have waxed minges and a 'No Holes Barred' policy, but can they chat about the frocks at Henley?

    They cannot.

    Give me a gauche English Rose any day.
  13. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    What on Earth were you doing on a bus? That's what common people use.
  14. Common people and prostitutes, apparently. I may be including myself in either category, it's for those who know me to judge.

    As a happily married man and a (now lapsed) member of the Free Church of Scotland, the obvious options were limited: preaching the error of their ways to them with a view to returning them to the Path of Righteousness; or hiring them both for a weekend of depravity that would leave Caligula looking thoughtfully on his life and wondering how he could have missed out.

    Of course, I chickened out and took the third way, turning red and avoiding the gaze of those around me. I can only plead that as an Ayrshireman the only hookers I'm used to encountering are part of a scrum.
  15. You’re all very wrong!
    Opening both their throats with a rusty nails then doing there bodies one plunge each, whilst smiling at the driver and trying to get grannies to high five you, was your only option.

    Or is that still wrong???