Biscuits Bar and Grill



OK folks, what's about a menu. Good squaddies ones. The sort of scoff which has seen you well nourished on ex/deployment/after a night on the tiles/ when she's out at the bingo/you're just f*cking starving/you're first out of bed..

Let's start with some breakfasts, other than the all day egg banjo.

Tell you what is stonking in the morning especially after a night on the pish: porridge (with milk), chopped up banana, raisins and some nutmeg.

Bacon and melted cheese sarnie.

Mug of coffee.

Orange juice.
Nambar seventyfree: A black pudding sliced and shallow fried with lots of black pepper. washed down with half a pint of Glenlivet (12yrs old)
The kebab compass gets you home no matter how drunk you are and somehow pays for the taxi (Gyros if in Germany)
Breakfast if you not purchased the kebab the faithfull pizza pillow has to be cheese and tomato!!

Glass of Andrew liver salts ..just to put life back into the stomach ..Rush to toilet
While on toilet 2 x Ciggys just to kick start the lungs ..Followed by bout of coughing (Esp if in Germany and the only fags you have from the night before is Boxhead B&H's)
Scratch of the B()llocks then stumble onto couch
Complain to the missus that you've sore guts.. blame Kebab/Pizza..Start having Flashbacks of night before..squirm
Get missus to make Tea Nato+4 extra sugars & Large plate of Beanos & toast (beans and cheese for the uniniated)
Bottle of Lucozade/Pint glass of tap water
Fall asleep on couch only to be woken half hour later with tv blaring and kids jumping about
Tell missus going for a walk to clear head oh and if she needs anything from the shop
Get shopping.. Enter pub on way back hair of the dog ..wake next morning with some sort of deja vu
Best breakie after a night out has to be "castle oatcakes special" consisting of bacon, sausage, fried agg, beans, tomatoes, mushroom all sandwiched between 3 oatcakes.
Errm, I have an oral for breakfast. Apparently, there is nutritional value down there.

(Edited, got carried away)
The CID breakfast is traditionally four Nurofen and a cup of black coffee.

My personal emergency brekkie kicks in when I'm extremely hungover but obliged for some urgent reason to get back on the pish again the following lunchtime (at Christmas this can be a real problem).

So, usually I'll wake up shivering and puke-stained on the office floor having drank my body weight in wifebeater the night before and failed to make the last train home. A friendly cleaner will wake me up by hoovering my face. I remember that I told half the command hierarchy that they were clueless wnakers and that one day, when I was in charge, it would all be very different. I am a cnut.

Hot shower, borrow somebody elses tie and a clean shirt then down the local Italian cafe. Chugging on an all-important Diet Coke on the way, this is where I'll begin my "De-tox to Re-tox" regime:

Capuccino with three sugars and double chocolate;
Grilled tomatoes on toast with black pepper;
Chicken escalope and bacon with melted cheese, butter and mayonaise on ciabatta;
Slice of cheesecake;
Danish pastry (I like the custard ones being a big girl)
Fizzy water;
Double espresso with sugar.

This provides all the sugar, fat and carbohydrate that an Olympic-level pish-head requires until lunchtime. This combined with the hot shower is guaranteed to make me feel more human.

By 12:00 the first fresh pint of beer is going down for another day of festive cheer and I'm feeling groovy!

Fcukin hell V - how the hell do you manage to chase criminals - do you throw your bellies at them? :D

My fave: 2 x sausages, beans, scramblers, toast, plus orange juice and a big mug of tea. If I do this after a night on the tiles, my hangover appears from nowhere and I wish I was dead.

I also love the boily-bag breakfasts - corned beef hash is one of the best meals in creation! :D


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Taking this slightly off thread, (sorry Biscuits) but can someone tell me why I seem to lose my hearing as I get more n more p ished?

Yesterday, after a hard week's work I took myself off to the local hostelry and in the com pany of good stout men (and most of us are) I partook of a few sherbets.

Usuual routine followed - taxi home, telly on, scran and a wee nightcap or three to help me to the land of slumber. Everything fine and normal so far.

This morning get up, stumble round the house, have a glass of Resolve, (just to keep the tubes clear of course), think about breakfast but decide against such drastic action. Settle down in comfy armchair and switch on TV - HOLY SH1T!!!!!! Just about lifted the tiles off the neighours house with the volume. Last night it was just fine, I had to strain a bit to hear it but hey, I am getting old.

Did the TV gremlins come through the night and adjust the TV? Why is it that the amount of drink equates to the volume of the TV?

Perhaps this should be in the RAMC forum (psychiatric section) but if someone out there can enlighten me I would be grateful.
Shift strength coffee 2 x 600ml cups - 1st during handover 2nd just after handover whilst I work out who is doing what for the rest of the day/night.

If lucky scrounge round galley and get cold bacon and cold toast - heat bacon in m/wave slap sauce on liberally. Scoff whilst attempting to not splatter uniform with run off.
Fcukin hell V - how the hell do you manage to chase criminals - do you throw your bellies at them?
Usually I phone up the Support Group and ask them to do it for me.

Actually, the regime described above is a bit out of date; The Job is a lot less fun nowadays all de-caffeinated and fluffy. Besides I am now a dad and all that jazz. I am now on a healthier regime/ posting and I've cut out the custard pastry most mornings.

The serious pish-ups are now down to about three times a year as opposed to three times a month. I even blew out the London District army Xmas cocktail party because I was too knackered to make it.


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