Birthdays

#1
So I get an email from ARRSE a few minutes ago, wishing me a happy birthday. I know it's not an automated software based load of bollox, but a genuine, heartfelt Internet handshake from the admin team, and for that I thank them.

I have made no plans at all for this evening, and bearing in mind my age (54) and the fact I'm carrying an injury (dodgy knee) I was wondering if I should let my internetshire pals choose this evenings birthday activities.

There are choices.

A new restaurant has opened at the bottom of the hill and has a varied, grill based menu, so if perhaps a random number was chosen between say, one and fifteen, I'd chose that as my dinner...because I can do 'edgy'.

There are three rather nice bars within a 100 yards of my home. I was thinking perhaps two pints in each, spread over a six hour time period, starting at 1700hrs. I'd have a glass of port as a nightcap in the last pub as well...I'm not a fecking girl.

The nearest Indian restaurant is 6 miles away, so that's obviously out of the question, and anyway I have a sneaky suspicion that I may have been barred over a misunderstanding over the language, and the words 'robbing bastards'.

I've just started reading 'One hell of a ride' an autobiography by the jockey Paul Carberry, so I'm thinking perhaps an evening in, with some ginger beer in front of a roaring log fire and crack another chapter. I could do two chapters but, me eyes aren't what they used to be...

Another couple of points to bear in mind are; the local Gardi have my mobile number, I'm on the committee of the local business association and I do not possess an inflatable bassoon.

I'm a single, white, hetro male and can spank €100 on any festivities.

Aside from just hanging myself, which no doubt some of you cunts will suggest, what larks should I get up to tonight?
 
#2
Well if you were out here I could suggest any number of small bars that would do you a BCAABJ. A bottle of banana rum will set you back 5 or 6 dollars and a bowl of rice about 50 cents. All in, about 30 dollars. What more could you wish for?
 
#5
Shame about your knee. A walk along the coast near you would do for me this time of the year. Don't stay in you'll get maudlin. Get down to a bar mention your birthday and the Irish will do the rest!
 
C

cloudbuster

Guest
#6
You can get several bottles of Jack and bags of Twiglets* for €100.




*Other rancid corn-based snacks may be available in your area. See stockists for details. Oh, and Happy Birthday, to be sure.
 

sirbhp

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
shame about yer knee you wuss. On my birthday next week I go in to have me piles reamed ! I am not looking forwards to that at all .
 
#8
shame about yer knee you wuss. On my birthday next week I go in to have me piles reamed ! I am not looking forwards to that at all .
My doctor offered me that operation, Bern. But I told him that when I go to hell they are coming with me.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#9
You could stay in and write thank you cards for the no doubt hundreds of presents a man like yourself will receive.
 
#10
Well if you were out here I could suggest any number of small bars that would do you a BCAABJ. A bottle of banana rum will set you back 5 or 6 dollars and a bowl of rice about 50 cents. All in, about 30 dollars. What more could you wish for?
Oh I forgot. Happy Fucking Birthday!
 
#13
Buy a North Face bag, and lock yourself in it.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#14
look, old chap, you are officially old now. Forget the riot that would be your solo birthday party and instead wisely invest your money in a nice cardigan and some comfy slippers, for preference those of the tartan bootee type. Then, this evening, have a nice glass of warm milk,start on that jigsaw of the west highland railway you have had for ages and then have an early night. Believe me, that's what life is like in the coming years.

Oh, and many happy returns.
 
#15
Well there are some mighty fine suggestions there lads...

Did I have a grown up moment and post this in CA? Or was the ROS keeping an eye on things?
 
#16
Well happy birthday there fella. With that amount of cash you can go out on the razz and finish off the night with a crack whore behind a skip. The shame will assist in forgetting your age. Works for me.
 
#17
Half a litre of espresso liberally laced with Jamesons, one bottle of Calvados and 5 Viagra. Pack a travelling bag, ball pein hammer, surgical gloves, ski mask, then head off and find the nearest refuge fordestitute women, stopping off at the Indian on the way to show them who's boss ! Many happies.
 
#18
Polish up your best pair of cowboy boots and grab yourself a scutter out on the town mate. I wanna see pics on here of you riding her like the bloke on the nuke in Dr Strangelove tomorrow.

Happy birthday Arte.
 
P

PrinceAlbert

Guest
#19
There are three rather nice bars within a 100 yards of my home. I was thinking perhaps two pints in each, spread over a six hour time period, starting at 1700hrs. I'd have a glass of port as a nightcap in the last pub as well...I'm not a fecking girl.

Clearly you fecking are!
 
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