Birthday wishes

Next Friday sees me another year older and entering my 34th year.

Rather than you lot having a whip round, organising a party, showering me with offers of prezzies, anonymous Ass to mouth and other stuff I'd like you all to do me a favour.

I know its not obvious, but I've been harbouring a bit of a crush on the sites top lump of crumpet, I won't let on who it is but what I'd like for my birthday gift is a right good do on her...

If its a one off and I make an appaling job of it, fire in my pants and shame myself, fair enough I'll drop it and stop pesting, but come on, Ive put the effort and time in... I've tried everything from bribes, violence, rape, offers of money / body parts, threats, kidnap I've even begged in public.

Its my birthday, Ive been a good boy please Cait let me spud you.... I've even ordered the T shirt... smoke me while I wear it? :D

Please fellow arrsers, help out an aging chap..... I'm gagging to nail her, please post in my favour, and consider it an online petition to her good nature and help me part her petals......

If she crumbles early on and it looks like she might give in, I may swing the petition to get you to ask her if I can stab her barking spider.... That would be a monumental Birthday and I'd be forever in your debt.
Sounds like true lust ! Can't refues - go for it !!!!! I want an invitation to the pissup, not iterested in the wedding, but will attend. Signed older bastard than you !
Fellow Arrsers, we all live in democracies of sorts, and I propose to do this the democratic way, via a Naafi poll. Check it out, and don't forget to support your mate. The party of the swollen part, MDN, and the party of the pink parts, Cait, must promise to abide by the vote.

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