Birthday Nightmares

#1
Right, it's my birthday in a weeks time and the other half has just phoned and excitedly told me he is booking me a sky dive as my present - before erupting into fits of laughter.

His mate is part of a display team and has organised for me to do a tandem - well thanks a fcuking lot!

I promptly told him if he gets me that as my present he will be sleeping back in the mess accom.

I am now being told by everyone to stop being a pussy and just gerron with it.

Firstly, how bloody high will it be?

And anyone else got some experiences of absolutely awful presents they have received in the past?
 
#2
I did a tandem jump last year at Netheravon and enjoyed it - why don't you tell him the idea of being strapped to a cute young bloke is a real turn on (bloke I jumped with was actually quite cute)?

Maybe tell him a friend has told you to make sure you are strapped to John......................your other half may change his view of the wisdom of his present............
 
#3
Do they make parachutes that big?
 
#4
Poppy said:
I did a tandem jump last year at Netheravon and enjoyed it - why don't you tell him the idea of being strapped to a cute young bloke is a real turn on (bloke I jumped with was actually quite cute)?

Maybe tell him a friend has told you to make sure you are strapped to John......................your other half may change his view of the wisdom of his present............
Good idea Pops, but how high will it be from?
 
#5
http://www.skylineparachuting.co.uk/pages/tandem.htm

If the jump is with freefalling you will exit the plane at about 10.000 feet have a freefall to 5.000 and then the chute opens.

I performed my first static line jumps three weeks ago with an exit at 3.600 feet and it was real fun.

In my group was a young lady. Before her first jump she was extremely nervous but after she landed safely she shouted out" WOW - that was better than an orgasm!". We all laughed except her boyfriend.
 
#6
I think was about 1000 feet - anyway it was high!

Is it netheravon you are going to?
 
#7
I've been thinking about skydiving as well, let me know how it goes Moody, I've started saving for my jumps already.

(Now i'v just got to get the weight down to 15 stone :wink: )
 
#8
Anytime I have been FF, and there has been tandem jumpers in the aircraft, they have normally exited between 10 & 12k. As Tiffy says, is there a chute big enough, I was thinking more along the lines of a Hot air ballon. :lol:
 
#9
Moodybitch said:
Right, it's my birthday in a weeks time and the other half has just phoned and excitedly told me he is booking me a sky dive as my present - before erupting into fits of laughter.

His mate is part of a display team and has organised for me to do a tandem - well thanks a fcuking lot!

I promptly told him if he gets me that as my present he will be sleeping back in the mess accom.

I am now being told by everyone to stop being a pussy and just gerron with it.

Firstly, how bloody high will it be?

And anyone else got some experiences of absolutely awful presents they have received in the past?
I've seen you Moody and If that was the threat i bet he booked it toot sweet :twisted: :lol:

You'll be a fookin long way up and screamin all the way down :):):)
 
#10
Moodybitch said:
His mate is part of a display team and has organised for me to do a tandem
I think you may have misread this one a bit, its a special birthday present alright!! ask him if its going to be filmed.
 
#11
As I fcuking hate heights I'd take a gift of a parachute jump from Mrs. Veg as nothing less than a declaration of war and impending divorce.

My missus is utterly shite at buying me birthday presents. I, OTOH, am utterly brilliant at showering her with well-chosen, expensive treats. She thinks this is very funny.

Ah, the year I got an alarm clock for my birthday. Or the diary (in a sale) that was already four months old. The memorable pair of grey espadrilles was another marriage-threatening insult.

So I have a birthday present nightmare once a year. Every year. Bi-yatch.

V!
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#13
Moody, as Filbert reckons you've probably misread/misheard your bloke, he didn't say 'tandem' but 'tag-team.'

But I'm chuffed it's being filmed, send me a copy eh ?
 
#14
Cutaway said:
Moody, as Filbert reckons you've probably misread/misheard your bloke, he didn't say 'tandem' but 'tag-team.'

But I'm chuffed it's being filmed, send me a copy eh ?
Been there done that!

This is defo a TANDEM!
 

Rod924

LE
Kit Reviewer
#15
Moodybitch said:
Cutaway said:
Moody, as Filbert reckons you've probably misread/misheard your bloke, he didn't say 'tandem' but 'tag-team.'

But I'm chuffed it's being filmed, send me a copy eh ?
Been there done that!

This is defo a TANDEM!
Have you noticed lots and lots of carriage clocks around the house from life assurance firms? 8O
 
#16
Moody.

correct me if i'm wrong, but on a thread a little while ago didn't you say you had a little involuntary squirt of widdle on a reverse bungee thingumyjig.....

i wouldn't want to be strapped to you for this one then, i'd say you were up for a double legger minimum.

"whose that with the yellow and brown smoke pot on the go ??"

"er .... we have no yellow and brown smoke pots" :D
 

cpunk

LE
Moderator
#17
Has he told you about the 'mid-air docking procedures' he's promised his mate? These are to help damp down the whistling noise caused by hugely cockstretched labia flapping in a 120mph slipstream...
 
#18
Birthday Nightmares!!!!!! 50 next year. Having nightmares just thinking what the family etc will have planned. Now, if the family were not there!!! :)
 
#19
bought the missus a plot in the local cemetery for valentines, didn't go down too well when i suggested she move in first ( it's a three seater and a sound investment i was told what with land prices the way they are )
 
#20
moody, feck all that. A six-foot stepladder is too high — never mind a thousand feet in the air! This is a prime example of a partner getting you something that they'd like, as opposed to what you'd like.

Clueless Ex: "Hey, honey! I'm taking you paintballing for your birthday, followed by beer and hot wings at Hooters! Won't that be great?"

Yank: "Well, that's, um, yeah, great, but...were there no appointments open at the fecking day-spa??" Idiot. :evil:
 

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