Birth Control.......

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Blue/GreenJob, Jul 31, 2009.

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  1. My best mate's On and off Fcukbuddy of the last 7-8 years is called "The Ginger Pig", help me, I want to make sure they don't breed!!

    She's a bit of a vicious tw@t and hard to catch once she goes into a strop, but i'd still like to make sure she is infertile, would sneaking up on her and injecting Nuclear waste into her ovaries be too much or would it be to little?

    Personally i'd like to go for the "Hysterectomy with a machete" option, but that would mean getting close to her Pi$$y smelling bloated and almost colourless apart from the freckles body and i'm sure I wouldn't be able to do the job without throwing the soles of my feet up!

    Any constructive suggestions no matter how extreme are welcome as her two kids are quite enough for this world to cope with already as they are Damaged goods just by being related....
  2. She turned you down didn't she?? Go on admit it :D
  3. Removed due to probably being illegal
  4. atm only
  5. No! Don't let her anywhere near the cash machine.

    Re. your, ahem, "mate", hypnotism and lashings of extreme gay pr0n may be worth a try.
  6. I wouldn't if she was the last evil smelling gruntfuttock in the universe, the slut had the cheek about 7 years ago to tell ME off for seeing a woman whilst I was still technically "Married" when she was already making the "Beast with two Backs" with my poor deluded mate whilst still hitched to his missus....

    I just want to make sure it doesn't spawn any more, as the two it has already are like something from a very sick horror movie and every time I get dragged in to say hello just before we are going out on the p*ss it's like the feeling you'd get if you were stuck in a REAL version of "The Shining"
  7. aaaw mate...even gingers need luvvin' :D probably easier to get your mate to get the snip!! Job done...and no invites onto Jeremy Kyle!!
  8. Dip her tampons in MEK.
  9. Nice one, but can you get self-igniting Lillets?

    There is an ulterior motive to this advice search by the way, geezer-mate has decided to bin her in the very near future and i'm almost sure the evil cnut is going to try to get up the duff to keep hold of the poor bloke...
  10. ermmm...condoms!! Maybe!! P'raps!! Not 100% i know, but more reliable than a ginger snake with tits!!
  11. No need to lie, just tell him the truth if he has brats with this woman and splits up with her the CSA will fuck up his life for decades. Fucking cock sucking cunt wads that they are.
  12. I suppose i'll have to go for the direct approach, the main thing is that I want her to know that it's me who's put the kybosh on it, plus another addition to the ranks of "Ginger Mingers in training" being cancelled is a bonus.

    Perhaps I should suggest that for the final 9-10 times or so before he dumps her he should try for brown instead of the pink and make it a succession of "Punishment $haggings" due to the fact that he's been put wise by me to the fact beforehand...

    If this all ends up in me getting a couple of claw marks down my face in town when next on the pi$$, I don't mind, it just makes it more obvious that i've had the desired effect...

    Transformer, I detect some slight bitterness there...
  13. Kill kids, stuff back up point of release, wait for decomposing flesh to induce necrosis in reproductive organs. It may be slow but does involve a degree of poetic irony.

    Of course, if you're insistent on the fast option you can always just kick fuck out of her until she learns the hard way not to become pregnant. After all, what with her being ginger and female there may be no sense in taking chances with her education.
  14. Sounds like her personality is adequate prophylaxis.
  15. From what I can gather my mate is just fcuking lazy and gets a buzz from filthing her up, wiping his knob on the curtains and making her kids feel uncomfortable when he's round there baffing the fcuk out of her upstairs while they watch DVD's downstairs.

    Personally i'd be hard put to drop a "Cleveland Steamer" on her flabby floppy breasts and get any joy from it, the only female I treat with less consideration is the ex-wife.

    Told him many a time that the other "Contraband" bird he is sh@gging if far better and that the only difference is distance, looks, personality, smell, hygeine, intent and dress sense.....