Birmingham - what a toilet

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Sky-Monkey, Sep 26, 2009.

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  1. Been posted here about six months now. During that time I've had my brand new scooter nicked, witnessed several race riots in the town centre and my local jewellers in the High St suffered an armed robbery last week. One evening a taxi driver started a dialogue and kept banging on about how there were more canals here than Venice and more trees than Paris. Twat. I'll wager that he's been to neither place and it took all my willpower to not tell him that I thought there were more morons and racists here than in those respective towns put together (mind you, Paris could give Birmingham a run for it's money). I also love it when the locals start honking on about the friendliness of 'Brummies'. Quite how they should be any more friendly than, say, Geordies for example is beyond me. Still, these knobheads need something to pin their identity on so why not pretend they're all friendly and cuddly. Really? Can I have my fucking scooter back then? Oh no, it's a melted blob in the Council Pound isn't it?

    Apart from the fact that the city is an absolute eyesore and is a pain in the arse to drive around, life's a peach.

    Birmingham - what a toilet. :x
  2. You might call it a toilet, I call it the greatest city on God's green earth. Don't believe me? Come with me on the pish down Hurst Street and the size of your hoop the morning after will give you some indication of how much of a good time you had :wink:

    Where are you from anyway?
  3. LancePrivateJones

    LancePrivateJones LE Book Reviewer

    I'll bet he lives in Solihull, what a dump.

  4. :D

    Some people love Brum, some people hate it. The difference between us and some other cities is that we don't really give a flying fcuk what you think.

    Why not come on the next Brum ARRSE crawl sky-monkey?
  5. I did not enjoy my one encounter in Birmingham, two nights, more than enough. Having my hoop widened has never been a factor in my enjoyment encountered of an evening.
  6. Who was offering you the chance, pig-boy?
  7. Nah mate, he'll be in Chelmsley Wood. :D
  8. You just offered to?

    the size of your hoop the morning after will give you some indication of how much of a good time you had
  9. Yeah, everyone apart from you.
  10. Wedge and jarrod - the grubby groomers are doing a tag team routine now.
  11. Fairy nuff, you will give everyone except me a wider hoop.
  12. I spent a week in Birmingham, one night. I,ve never got over it. :roll:
  13. Thing is, I'm not from anywhere. I've been a military tart all my life and spent numerous tours in various towns from Collie to Cyprus and beyond but out of the places I've been to or stayed in, Birmingham is the worst for it's aesthetic appeal (none), the worst place for racial tension - and I lived in Hackney for five years - and is the most perfect example of shit town-planning that I have ever seen. A neighbour a few doors down has to chain her plant pots to the wall because people keep nicking them and the girl who lived in the house before me found her sports car on bricks one morning. Seriously, who wants to live like that? And apparently, I live in the nice part of Birmingham! As for Hurst St, I drove down that street the other day and apart from the billion nightclubs down there, so what? I mean it's just like any other concrete street in Birmingham but marginally less aggressive than Broad St.

    Others have banged on about Brindley Place and how lovely it is next to the canal, etc, etc. Brindley Place is a brand new build and has about as much character as Nigel Mansell. It's full of chain bars and the canals are full of shit, McDonald's packaging and plastic beer glasses. Lovely.

    I want to like Birmingham, I really do but I'm fucked if I can find one single thing I like about this place.
  14. My mate yammers is selling a scooter, do you want to make an offer?
  15. I have to agree with your apraisal of the place. However I have had a few good nights in Brindley Place. Have you ever tried Moseley? Had a few good nights there and it's pretty chilled out.

    Avoid sparkhill, sparkbrook and balsall heath at all costs - by far and away the most depressing areas I've had the misfortue to operate it.
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