As you are probably aware, a serious tornado recently struck parts of southern Birmingham, in the UK earlier this month. News of the disaster was swiftly carried to the civilised world by pay-as-you-go SMS messages. Victims were seen wandering round aimlessly, muttering 'bloooooodyell' and 'yourite?'. The tornado decimated the area, causing several pounds worth of damage. Many priceless collections of souvenirs from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair. Several historic Ford Sierras and Nissan Bluebirds were blown off their brick plinths. A large number of 3 series BMWs had their alloy wheels damaged and a quantity of Renault Clios had their tinted windows blown out. Many locals were woken well before their benefit cheques arrived. One resident, Sharon Knowles, a 15 year old, single mother of seven said,â It was such a shock. My little Beyonce came running into my bedroom, crying. My youngest two, Azif and Delbert, slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning." Another resident, community worker Royston Akimose, 38, said," I was 'avin' a meetin' wiv a business associate. The sky went dark, an', de next fing I know, me ganja is blown all over 'is Impreza!" Apparently, looting and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has, so far, managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area, to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble, and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and bone china from Poundstretcher. How can you help? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Items needed include; Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (both his and hers), Von Dutch T-shirts, white towelling sports socks, Rockport boots and any large, gold plated accessories. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include; microwave meals (especially McCain Micro Chips), tins of baked beans, ice cream and bottles of Smirnoff Ice. 22p buys a biro, to fill in the compensation forms from Social Security. Â£2.00 buys fish & chips and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine and Â£5.00 will pay for a packet of Benson & Hedges and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected. Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of such posh housing is unfair on the population in neighbouring areas. Thank you.