Birds who punch above their weight

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ABF3001, May 2, 2008.

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  1. I wanted to see if anyone else had any amusing tales of shagging girls who were obviously punching above their weight..

    Last Friday I arranged to go and smash a bird from the internet who lives in XXXXXX, got down there at 10pm and she met me off the train and she was a bit horny from the ann summers party she had just hosted with some of her mates - we had a bit of wine on her sofa then we went upstairs, I stopped for a dump on route, got up to her room and she was in her underwear lying seductivly on the bed and all i could see was her gut hanging over and a pair of disgusting tits that i knew would be as firm as a new recruits spine and a fat ass sticking up in the air, i knew it was going to be bad when I saw her naked but I was not prepared for this, I nearly turned around and walked out but did what any good squaddie would do i smashed her, she was one of those fat birds that described herself as having a nice hour glass figure....dilusional...

    Did her again in the moring hanging out the back of her planning what to do, I could tell she was the clingy type and though I was actually keen on her...decided to make my excuses and leave asap got on the train and turned off the pay and go phone, got home immediatley deleted her from networking website and blocked her on msn but forgot to delete myself from the dating website...which i was going to do, checked that site about 11pm sat and there was a message from her 'thanks for treating me like shit'....

    I am not the best looking bloke in the world but work out 5-6 times a week and have a good amuses me that a fat bird like her that never exercises and eats too much thought I was going to do anything but what I did - She punched massively above her weight that night....!!
  2. Boll*cks, I know what you look like, you should be grateful. :wink:
  3. Erm...What did you expect :?

    Woe is you, do you not know that internet dating is not the way to go.

    I'll let you into a little secret, the two greatest chat up lines guaranteed to get you that slamming hottie who just turned you down. But don't tell anyone...

    1. Does this hankie smell of chloroform? (upon presenting a hankie for her to sniff)
    2. I've got a knife.

    Edited to add - In fact... F*ck it. Cancel my last bit about advice...i've decided you don't need need to be ridiculed!!! :D

    I mean really?! Arranging a date over t'internet and the complaining that your "hour glass," date was in fact a fat truffle snorting swamp donkey.
  4. Make your mind up! :roll:
  5. It would appear beggars can indeed be chosers!
  6. My advice is to build an underground cellar beneath your pad and protect the entrance with a steel door. Then simply invite her round for a "coffee" and Bob's your aunties best mate....

    ......You might want to put her on a diet while she's your "guest"
  7. I was really dissapointed with my internet blind date . I arranged a date with a bird off Facebook, she looked exactly like Michelle Marsh in her profile photo, she'd reproduced Michelles poses from a Loaded shoot perfectly, she even had the same bikini as Michelle wore in that shoot! Imagine my surprise when it turned out she wasn't a perfect double for a glamour model, but a fat munter you wouldn't touch with someone elses
  8. Nice bit of spin, blame the fat bird instead of your self you sick hippocrocopig loving fetishist. I NAME YOU AS DAVID BLUCKETT AND CLAIM MY FIVER POUNDS!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D

  9. Bollox it's Presccott :D :D :D :D :D
  10. Double Bollox, Prescott has not worked out 4/5 time a week ever ...... unless you count stuffing his grid with pies (then running to the loo to puke them up).

    Des Brown?
  11. Might I recommend you try here in future

    Hot dates

    At least you know what you're getting!