Birds Flock to Cardiff


I'm out on my fair city for the first time in about 3years, & it seems to have become cock heaven. I've lost count of the number of pubs & bars I've been in this afternoon/evening that are full of fucking blokes.

The ratio must be 1 women to every 15 blokes. For fucks sake! I've got an all night pass and no one to splurge my muck in.


Mate - check your watch.

I used to think places were severely lacking in clunge, but in reality what tends to happen is that blokes notice it's almost 1900hrs; out comes the squaddie-shower in a tin, shirt already pressed from your OCD civvie 'locker layout', and you're already in the cab to town.

Women, on the other hand, will all pile round to whoever's turn it is this time to host the 'getting ready party', which involves a bottle or two of Sainsburys Basic Vodka, cheap 2 litre bottle of cola, and naff Take That tunes with very little 'getting ready'. At some point one of them will realise they need a cab, which will honk several times and be unheard due to 'New York' style squealing each time one of them says something remotely interesting. Eventually the driver will bang on the door - at which point the birds realise they need to make some last minute adjustments (i.e. get ready). Cue: masses of hairspray, clouds of atomised perfume and ritual-like necking back of whatever's left of the vodka at this point.

Roll on 2230hrs, and a gang of footage for 'Street Crime UK 5' emerges from several black cabs in the city centre, ready to infest your currently quiet, soon to be rioted drinking hole.

Keep calm mate - they're on the way. Trust me.
Fuck off! I'm not that desperate.

It's chronic. The place is full of twatting valley commandos, roided up to the eye balls.
I've been out of the country for 2 years now. Are they all still bright orange, with Kate Moss's legs, and wearing plunging V neck jumpers?

Caroline St still open?
Who's Tropper? People seem to speak of him in awe. Is he some sort of bohemian character from Cardiff?
Wash your mouth out! He's Arrse's dad!

...he's my dad, he's your dad - he's everyone's dad! He invented the internet, He was the founding father of Cardiff and he invented Post-It notes!

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