Birds Flock to Cardiff

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Miner, Dec 22, 2011.

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  1. Please!

    I'm out on my fair city for the first time in about 3years, & it seems to have become cock heaven. I've lost count of the number of pubs & bars I've been in this afternoon/evening that are full of fucking blokes.

    The ratio must be 1 women to every 15 blokes. For fucks sake! I've got an all night pass and no one to splurge my muck in.
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  2. See if tropper is about. That'd be fun.
  3. Turn gay for the night?

    Get a pro in, rape, go home, pop to Swansea?
  4. might have something to do with the uni terms being over. I have heard stories about Cardiif gents being knee deep in clunge.
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  5. Fuck off! I'm not that desperate.

    It's chronic. The place is full of twatting valley commandos, roided up to the eye balls.
  6. TheresaMay

    TheresaMay LE Moderator DirtyBAT

    Mate - check your watch.

    I used to think places were severely lacking in clunge, but in reality what tends to happen is that blokes notice it's almost 1900hrs; out comes the squaddie-shower in a tin, shirt already pressed from your OCD civvie 'locker layout', and you're already in the cab to town.

    Women, on the other hand, will all pile round to whoever's turn it is this time to host the 'getting ready party', which involves a bottle or two of Sainsburys Basic Vodka, cheap 2 litre bottle of cola, and naff Take That tunes with very little 'getting ready'. At some point one of them will realise they need a cab, which will honk several times and be unheard due to 'New York' style squealing each time one of them says something remotely interesting. Eventually the driver will bang on the door - at which point the birds realise they need to make some last minute adjustments (i.e. get ready). Cue: masses of hairspray, clouds of atomised perfume and ritual-like necking back of whatever's left of the vodka at this point.

    Roll on 2230hrs, and a gang of footage for 'Street Crime UK 5' emerges from several black cabs in the city centre, ready to infest your currently quiet, soon to be rioted drinking hole.

    Keep calm mate - they're on the way. Trust me.
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  7. They're On there way? What! Another busload?
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  8. I've been out of the country for 2 years now. Are they all still bright orange, with Kate Moss's legs, and wearing plunging V neck jumpers?

    Caroline St still open?
  9. Used to be loads of birds in Cardiff mate, though the Uni hols will have thinned the ranks somewhat admittedly.
  10. Bloody bad news, you might have to resort to that other thing that comes in flocks.
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  11. Who's Tropper? People seem to speak of him in awe. Is he some sort of bohemian character from Cardiff?
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  12. I suppose those pictures explain Charlotte Church...
  13. That one in the blue air hostess uniform passed out on the floor looks insanley fit.
  14. He also invented Cardiff, Wales, and Rugby. William Web Ellis stole the idea whilst Tropper was busy.
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