Bints Shitting the bed

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Pebbles015, Aug 24, 2012.

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  1. I got 'unlucky' last night in the fact that I pulled.

    Round 2 this morning and doing the horizontal jogging again then said.... Turn round love....she had a lovely great big turd hanging out of her arse.

    Told her "think you may need to pop to the bathroom love"

    "why".....

    "just do it hun, trust me"

    She then pootled round and slid off the bed leaving the biggest skid mark I have ever seen....

    Funny thing was that I never lost my erection as i remembered the reason it happened may be my fault....(38 and it was her first time having her back doors kicked in)

    It could just be that she is from Newton Farm but therego!

    Whats the most disgusting thing a 'burd' has done on the job?
     
  2. One gushed a couple of pints of greenish, curry-smelling diarrhoea all over me as she was preparing to perform the 'reverse cowgirl'.
     
  3. You answered your own question there.
     
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  4. Back home in the 'pool, not even splitarrses from sintellins would stoop that low unless asked first.
     
  5. But did you finish her backdoor once she came back empty though?
     
  6. You should have fucked her mouth as she was sitting on the toilet.
     
  7. Had one who rode me reverse cowgirl then ordered me onto the floor as she was staining the sheets. Then bled all over me there instead.
     
  8. A) it dosn't make you poo having "your back doors broken in" the only time it's likely to show is during in which case rule No2 has not been followed have a shit before you play in the back garden!

    B) she needs to see a dr if she cant feel a bowel movement OR she lied to you and her back door is well and truly broken down and the sphincter is now too loose to hold it in so it leaks out but it's normally more runny than a solid stool.

    Oh and the most gross thing to happen to me was I got vomited on right in the face during the throws of passion it smelt like sambuca and kebab :(
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. I think you're going to be the most popular female on here.
    It's most refreshing to have new female posters that don't post like whores.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  10. sirbhp

    sirbhp LE Book Reviewer

    sorry I must complain. this is a crap topic .
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. I've noticed this trend with some females but not all. I have no idea why they do it, and obviously the gentry love it so if it keeps them quiet and amused its all good. It's like mrbee stick a James bond film on and 2hours of peace and quiet will be had!
     
  12. They do it because they're extremely ugly and fat. They gain a following of old men who have erectile dysfunction. It's a shame really but these Internet white knights can't help themselves.
     
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  13. I accidently earnt my Red wings... pulled some scutter , got her in the sack.. she decides to have a pre bunk up piss while I lay back waiting & thinking of diffrent ways I,m gonna ruin her. Then follows an hour of drunken thrashing about which finishes with me cracking one off into her mouth ( I was drunk it was the only way it was gonna finish ). I chuck my muck , fart then fall asleep. Wake up in the morning not only have I swamped out but the sheets are covered in blood & missy is nowhere to be seen. I go for a piss & then notice the swollen bright red sanitry towel blockin my chod bin & remember thinkin durty bitch & then clocked my old chap & thighs caked in dried blood........ Then the full horror dawned on me. A glance in the mirror confirmed my fears. My face looked like a 3 yr old who had decided to put on mummys red lipstick.

    LT
     
    • Like Like x 5
  14. Jesus christ!!!
    whatever happened to standards?
    people on here complain about chavs and pikies whilst braggin about their own animal behaviour, I fucking depair I really do.
     
  15. NAAFI Bar... does what it says on the tin... Diffrence between myself & a chav is the small fact I have paid my taxes for the past 30 yrs & dont expect anybody else to pay for my debauchery. Had a bad day have we ?