Billy Connolly's take on the terrorists hitting Glasgow... "Good old Glasgow. If I had to pick a city in the world where I could depend on one of the locals to kick a man who was on fire, it would always be Glasgow. That really had to hurt - 90% burns and sore b0llocks... I think we should get a photo of that guy KICKING A FLAMING MAN, blow it up and make it the welcome sign at Glasgow Airport. Underneath we should have the words 'Glasgow Welcomes Careful Drivers'... I love the naivety of al-Qaeda. For trying to bring a religious war to Glasgow. You're 400 years too late guys!! You've not even got a Football Team for Christ's sake... I think that we should give Partick Thistle to al-Qaeda. If only for the joy of hearing them read out their team sheet on Saturday... The Sun last week urged us all to respond to the attack by flying the Union Jack. Really, in Glasgow that's never been a great way of getting your insurance premiums down... If we play this whole terrorism thing right, we could get al-Qaeda to blow up some of Scotland's eyesores. I think we should definitely start putting signs up round Shettleston's high flats that say 'Financial Quarter'... For a while, confusion reigned at Glasgow airport. Was it a terrorist attack or just Richard Hammond turning up late for check-in? People say it was lucky they didn't crash into a fuel container. I say it's lucky they didn't hit the queue coming out of Duty Free - the whole place would have gone up like Hiroshima... The best bit is being told that hundreds of people were saved from being hideously burnt...these were Scottish people flying to Spain! They'll come back looking like they've been bungee jumping off the lip of a volcano!"