Big Brother ArRSe Hijack.

I'm not watching this pap. As I haven't watched the previous offerings. But this time the concept has perked my interest.

If you were given a day/week to do what ever you wanted to/with the "house mates", that are desperate enough for attention to play this daft game, what would YOU do.

According to MSN, Matt Lucas is the first celebrity and has made someone cut about with a daft hat and a ear phone. The drone has to do everything Matt says, and say everything Matt says or something.

I think that's a bit lame.

Suggestions below :twisted:


Book Reviewer
Get one of them to stab all the others in the head, then cut his wrists.
Get the useless cnuts to follow the Jim Jones at Jonestown example.
Each and every one of them simultaneously go on a killing spree, but leave them only blunt instruments and string.
Wa.nk in the soup and then tell them after they have eaten it! Try and hang out the back of the fittiest bords as much as poss and try and to get a threesome :twisted:
make male A rape all the other housemates on the first night. Then leave em all together for a few weeks.
Give them a selection of sharp pointy weapon and declare "last man standing!".

Yes, it’s cruel, twisted and perverted but I bet the TV rating will have never been nor will ever be as good again.

Good sponsorship opportunities for Kershaw, Gerber, Cold Steel or even the odd chainsaw manufacturer.

“Look how much more bone our flesh ripper 2000 is able to slice through over our nearest competitor”.
Lock all the doors and transport the house to Kenya with a big sign on top reading "Women and Children Inside".
On a slight tangent but in same vein - saw a movie the other night called 'My Little Eye' about contestants that signed up for a BB type experience in a house in the middle of nowhere and were being watched over t'internet - turns out it was some sort of snuff site where clients were paying $$$$$$ to watch them get killed. Couldn't help thinking it would be a superb programme, would be top of the ratings!
Stick the fückers in a brit mil version of a bootcamp.

Drill & büllshit = Guards
Physical side = Paras
Complaints = RMP

Any other suggestions ? :twisted:


Book Reviewer
Most of the suggestions so far would lead to a very short series. I suggest that they are each told to get naked, soap up and then told 'last man standing'.

It'll take ages for them to kill each other, and we'll get weeks of frapping off for the privelage.
I would like to see a more satirical side introduced to the house.This would involve all the housemates shiting onto plate's and then seeing who can finger-sculp the dung into a witty political statement.
How about Big Brother: Tenko?

The housemates are subjected to a regime based exactly on the experiences of FEPOWs complete with arbitrary beatings, starvation, slave-labouring and maniacally laughing Korean guards. The series would last 3-4years and the production team be allowed to retain their positions of power at the end. Meanwhile the housemates are left to pick up their lives as best they can while ravaged by disease and continuing nightmares...
Don't know about the hijack bit, but the routine game could be improved by turning off the power and water and ceasing the supply of provisions. Mrs Puttees could then sit glued to the goggle box as the housemates starve or eat each other.

As a twist, as the final surviving housemate is at death's door, he/she could be offered a choice of the prize money or a key to the back gate.

PS Just for fun, immediately prior to the shutting off of services, there could be a tremendous flash and bang outside the compound and a large mushroom-shaped cloud of smoke.
Flying Felix said:
Good sponsorship opportunities for Kershaw, Gerber, Cold Steel or even the odd chainsaw manufacturer.

“Look how much more bone our flesh ripper 2000 is able to slice through over our nearest competitor”.
That is a mint statement. I don't know what you'd call it though. It's not a pun... double entendre?

I was thinking of things that would keep the series' longevity. Doesn't it go on for 6 weeks or so? So killing all contestants on day one sort of ruins it.

I was thinking of white noise for 24hrs. Followed by the water being cut off for a day. Then the toilets being stopped!!!!!

If they were all dead by the end, well played. But a sponsor is going to want teh full ride that htey paid for. Didn't the last series ship extra bods in?
I think there could be some extra mileage in the Diary Room idea. We just need to rename it the Tiger Room.

Every evening a housemate is nominated to go to the room. There, in total privacy, they explain their innermost feelings, their hopes, their fears and their opinions of the other housemates to a starving Bengal tiger.

Gotta be a BAFTA in there somewhere.
I think that this has been done before but....
Get a bunch of celebrity hungry sad cnuts together and tell them they are going on Big brother. Give them the usual crap tasks to do, ensuring access to diary room to pour their hearts out about the terrible suffering they are going through in there (boo hoo).
Vote them out occasionally, but once they are out finally tell them that the whole thing was a wind up and nothing was really televised. No Stardom, no TV series, no crowds waiting anxiously pissing their pants whilst waiting to meet the latest nobody.
And the only people to hear their confessions in the diary rooms and dirty little whispers to each other are the other house mates.
Then send them off back to their homes in council estates and jobs in fast food joints

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