Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by convoy_cock, Jul 14, 2004.

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  1. Last Saturday, I received the first "Bezzering" i'd had since I left the Army.
    It was only then that I realised how much i'd missed the phenomenon.

    I wasn't a big bezzerer myself. Occasionally, if I was really mangoed, i'd agree to help out at someones house or slightly embellish a story that put me in a better light than had really been the case.

    But there was a guy at 30 Sigs, who was the undoubted world champion. As soon as he got in the fcuking NAAFI he started. He'd have one pint and start saying things like

    "It's great knocking around with you lads." People would start groaning and as the pints got thrown back he'd get worse.

    "Your a fcuking great mate, you are AFKAC"
    "If I won the lottery, i'd give you fcuking half, no all of it."
    "I want you to be my best man" (He was already married)
    "I'd take a fcuking shot for you mate." (We're in the Signals you knob)
    "Theres fcuking no-one would come between me and my mates, fcuking no-one, i tell ya"
    "We're like the Three Musketeers us" (Theres 5 of us, you plank)

    It would go one like this for an hour or two until we ditched the boring tw*t.

    As we climbed into the sneakily booked cabs, he'd come roaring out of the bogs, trying to get his knob back in. You could see him crying in the street like Willem Dafoe on the "Platoon" poster" shouting

    "Laaaaads. Laaaaads"

    He never took the fcuking hint though. He'd pay full whack for his own taxi and catch up with us in Nuneatons greatest night spot, The Bonking Donkey.

    Bezzering. Has it happened to you?? Or are you a serial bezzerer?? Confess your best bezzering moment or most outlandish promise/compliment.
  2. ooooooooooooooooooooooooh yeah.
    there's a ginger mongie drinks in my local , who since i inadvertantly said hello to has been my blood brother(in his eyes) and whenever he sees me rushes over and dribbles all over me whilst telling me how his basket weaving/guitar playing is coming along , i'm starting to get over the "ican't really be horrible to him he's harmless" etc etc. and i'm moving on to the "barry why don't you just f*ck off and leave me alone" mode. bEst be carefull though in case he goes into a mongy rage and twists my head off!!

    might have to borrow your clothes prop AFKAC!!
  3. Yep, I am bloody Queen of feeling sorry for the mongs, saying hello and then wishing i never bothered....

    ....have one in particular down our local boozer, with a club foot, handlebar tash and bad BO.

    Except his bezzering is not confined to the local pub....if I see him around the town he shouts out my name so all start staring and sniggering.

    I used to just go bright red and talk to him as felt so sorry for the sad fecker.....but now i just dive in to the nearest shop and don't come out til he's gone.

    Longest stint of cover was 45 minutes hiding round Bewise!!!!!!
  4. yeah but moody , you've got to let your ex see the kid sometimes , you can't just bury your head in the sand and pretend it never happened.

    oh and AFKAC , it was MDN 's mongy bashing clothes prop i need to borrow , just reread the thread :oops:
  5. Shortfuse, feck orf you cheeky git!

    We have a classic bezzerer (?) in our circle of friends, called Lawrence (nuff said)...he constantly follows us around, and is King of brown nosing even though no-one likes him and its obvious.

    Anyhow, he tagged along with us to a leaving do for someone and introduced himself to all our other mates (the shame). We all denied knowing him and were getting fecked off even more when he followed us to a house party after.

    He subsequantly fell asleep and all decided pay back was due.......taking a jumbo pepperami, two of teh lads broke the fecker in half, shoved it up their hoops and proceeded to shove each piece up said twats nostrils.

    Was still there when he woke up and he actually cried when we told him where they had been!

    We haven't seen him since.
  6. question AFKAC , the "bezzer" in the above post , his initials weren't MP were they , cos a bloke i went to school with joined the sigs , and you've described him perfectly.
  7. No mate, my pathological hatred of the monkeys proscribed me from even knocking about with people with unfortunate initials.

    Maybe this is the reason I want to punch Martin Platt every time I watch the Street.
  8. I hadn't realised "bezzering" was such an old phenomenon until I opened my "Chaucer's-Treatise on the Astrolabe" and found the old git exhorting his son to "as wel considre I thy Besy praier in special to lerne the Astrolabe"(I take note of your earnest request to learn about the Astrolabe)

    See you Henry V, You're my besy mate you are!

    P1ss Off,Falstaff!!
  9. I once got extremely pished on Jack Daniels finest bourbon in an East Coast piano bar full of very, very gay men. I would add at this early stage that I was with my wife.

    Before I knew it I was lustily singing "I gotta wash that man right outta my hair" and telling my new-found friends how wonderful they were. A few JDs later, during the chorus of "I've Just Met a Girl Called Maria" from West Side Story I was bezzers with two extremely charming Freddie Mercury lookalikes, replete with SAS-style zapata moustaches.

    They said it was a shame that I hadn't joined the Friends of Dorothy, which I had to take as a sort of compliment. The missus thought it was funny, which unnerved mw slightly.

    This was definitely my worst bezzering moment, the second worst being meeting a Polish foreign legionnaire in a pub who wanted to be my best mate and was just too scary (he had a knife taped to his shin for some reason) to say no to.

  10. On the coach taking us back to our local pub from a city match one of the lads that always goes has a season tickett next to the tunnel and had managed to "bezzer" Nicky weaver on his way through the tunnel and decided to reenact his actions and what he said on me to everyone on the coach.

    He's an alright lad i dident mind him doing it, but i got covered in beer from his full can and had half of my face torn away from his not shaved in 24 hours 45 year old face.
  11. Vegitus wrote:
    So you were with the wife, I take it you were hoping to pick up a bloke, so you could take him back to your room, let him shag you while the wife hid in a cupboard and cracked 1 off :wink: