Best ways to upset your missus in nano seconds

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bitterandtwisted, Dec 14, 2009.

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  1. So took the frau to the Mess do on Saturday, night going swimmingly, we were waiter on and in mess kit etc all the usual pish - the initial pleasantaries of the introductions (as its our first do since our posting).

    So moving on to the first course of the scran was an italian starter for which her indoors seemed happy enough with.

    The main was a selection from the roast bar or seafood.

    The frau opts for the seafood and some other scran - whearas me (straight the old roast bar).

    Venison was on the menu and no-one was seeming to smash it , so i had half the fooker strapped to my plate with a huge yorkie pud and all the trimmings and it was washed down with the usual shiote mess house wine.

    The wife is always akin to trying new and different things from my plate always when I am eating out - but at times it does piss me off.

    So I knew that her indoors would wanting to try venison as I knew that she never had tried it nor knew what it was. So happily tucking into my scran her fork slides over and start grabbing a piece and I say dig in its lovely. She asked the usual what it was and I managed to avoid the question all night....

    The following morning me being hungover to fook, I got the same question and could not be arsed to fanny about - i just googled this

    Cue bag on central all day. :twisted:
  2. Bowmore_Assassin

    Bowmore_Assassin LE Moderator Book Reviewer


    I generally find this simple, but seemingly unanswerable question does the trick,

    "What, exactly, is your fcuking problem ?"
  3. Fart and follow through. I no, it's old.

    Pass her the pants though and watch her face! pure majic!
  4. _Chimurenga_

    _Chimurenga_ LE Gallery Guru

    A simple "Calm your ass down" works every time.
  5. Any form of communication to her when Eastenders is on.
  6. Call her another woman's name.
  7. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Was there some reason she was digging into your scran, rather than trying to shmooze the Grown-Ups?
  8. The words "You really are fat" should do it
    • Like Like x 4
  9. Or a furtive glance to:
    Her karzi
    bingo wings
  10. "Wish I'd fucked your sister now"
    • Like Like x 1
  11. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Go shopping with her...
  12. Pararegtom

    Pararegtom LE Book Reviewer

    Cancel her credit card, works wonders.
  13. Refuse to divulge information on personal finance to her, not her f*cking business what I spunkle my pennies on as long as its not detrimental to us as a pair or our assetts..

    Staying out overnight without asking usually does the trick, she will usually ask me to ring from a local phone box to verify location at which point my 'battery dies' unfortunately and I can carry on with my tomfoolery.

    As does threatening to wring her rabbits f*cking neck if she doesnt stop harrassing me and sticking it to her brand new motor with a wrench one Easter after a mammoth 12 hour screamfest, it made her mad at me a bit but earned me a night of peace in Halifax Nick..
  14. msr

    msr LE

    "Does my bum look big in this?"

  15. Say you've bought her something to make her look sexy

    Then hand her a bottle of whiskey :twisted:
    • Like Like x 5