Best way to leave a job?

#1
So your tearful CO has just told you that you're being made redundant, or because you've torn your paper shuffling muscle...

What ever the reason, what's the best way to go out and leave a job?

(I only ask because I'm leaving my civvi job, and I don't plan to use it as a reference...)
 
#2
Always leave on a good note. You never know who he is related to. My old mate said" Be careful of the toes you step on today as they could be connected to the arse you have to kiss tomorrow"
 
#3
Hit the fucker in the head, shag his wife and daughter in front of him and do the dirty sanchez with this two slags.
 
#4
Leave with no notice but make sure you copy every thing you can onto an external drive then wipe your laptop making sure you destroy a shit load of important stuff that only you have.....(if need be delete other stuff from the company share drive)
Put out an office wide e mail slagging off your boss as a total turd who is carried by his team and make public any little office secrets you know.

That should do it.
 
#6
Drink a shot of Saki then crash your wheely chair into your bosses desk shouting BONZAI!
 
#8
Write this... I take no credit for this, however I have used a letter similar to this and got a glowing reference!

Mr. X,

As an employee of XXXXX, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, "insert position here" to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about "insert knowledge here", and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options.

You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what the shut down button is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never fuck with your subordinates, because they know what you do with all your free time.

Sincerely,
 
#9
Always leave on a good note. You never know who he is related to. My old mate said" Be careful of the toes you step on today as they could be connected to the arse you have to kiss tomorrow"
Good advice,you never know where the next job is coming from, don't burn bridges.
 
#10
The only time I burnt a bridge was when leaving a retail job as a teenager. I literally grabbed my coat and walked out leaving only the key holder (the assistant manager) in the place.

That was in response to him saying "If you don't like it, leave" on a day when 3 had called in sick after a night out and the store was opening within the hour. How silly he looked having to hang a closed sign on the door for that day.
 
#11
in a blood soaked rage taking all your wanker colleagues with you
 
#12
The company I worked for were planning a round of redundancies including the salesman who covered the Caribbean. Among a lot of small orders from the various islands was a very large annual state contract from the Cuban Govt. Sadly for them the companies OPSEC was poor and he heard about the planned sackings before they happened.
Faxed his resignation in from Havana together with the news that he had set up his own company and won the Cuban order for himself using products from a german manufacturer. Sweet.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#13
Turn up in a black trenchcoat with a rusty old shotgun screaming " fuck you all you cunts"

Should get you a nice reference.
 
#14
I liked the style of that american airline attendant who grabbed a load of beer from the trolley, hurled obscenties at all onboard, fired the escape slide and slid down onto the runway, never to work for that airline again.
 

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