Best way to fake own death. Advice please.

P

Placebo

Guest
#1
An old friend- let's call him John Smith- has a temporary problem that requires the most permanent of solutions. He needs to disappear so as to avoid a certain over zealous prosecutor and a few other characters who answer to various names like "Blade," "Hook" and most ominously, "Rip the Current."

Last time he tried to fake his death, he pushed his car into a ravine with the intention of setting it own fire. Alas, he forgot to bring a box of matches with him. By the time he got back to the scene to start what he hoped would be a fiery blaze, the police were already there and the whole thing was ruled an accident.

If this sounds like a desparate attempt to get a storyline going for a play at my community theatre: it is.

Help me out. What would be a realistic way to fake a death?
 
#2
go canoeing
 
#4
Hold your breath and hope they decide not to hold an autopsy!
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#6
A) Buy a tropical island and a natty helicopter. Extract DNA from a fly embedded in amber. Build a tranny saurus Rex. Shout "Look. Its some cows to eat". Throw your shoes into his footprints as he runs to look. Call the Rozzers using a foreign accent. Sorted.

B) Shoot yourself in the head, because its only the Matrix, innit?
 
#7
Get in touch with some clever chaps from Nigeria. They can fake anything there.
 
#8
well clearly something that involves the disappearance of a body.... so it's either smearing some blood around the snout of a rabid badger or a boating accident of some kind.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
#9
Say you're going for a swim, leave a pile of clothes on the beach and leg it to Australia using the name of a child who died years ago?


Worked for John Stonehouse. For a while.
 
#10
Be born into The Establishment, acquire Sensei status in the ancient art of brasscandlestick, cave your nanny's head in whilst under the mistaken impression that she's your wife, go on the lam to RSA and spend the rest of your life hiding on old Pinky's estate.

How hard can it be, it worked for Lucan?
 
#11
Be born into The Establishment, acquire Sensei status in the ancient art of brasscandlestick, cave your nanny's head in whilst under the mistaken impression that she's your wife, go on the lam to RSA and spend the rest of your life hiding on old Pinky's estate.

How hard can it be, it worked for Lucan?
So you missed the reference to disappearing on a Ferry then?
 
A

armadillo

Guest
#12
reveal that WMD claims by the government were false and the war they started was illegal, then go for a walk by the woods...
 
#14
Think that nowadays the police are wise to this sort of pavlova, so your mate is gonna have to do something to make his disappearance believable - for example leave a leg or other limb in a bin, or perhaps his bedroom, making it look like he's been subjected to a horrific crime.
 

Wordsmith

LE
Book Reviewer
#16
Find a guru that claims to be able to resuscitate the dead.

Kill yourself.

When the police realise you're dead, get the guru to revive you.

Simples.

Wordsmith.
 
#17
Say you're going for a swim, leave a pile of clothes on the beach and leg it to Australia using the name of a child who died years ago?


Worked for John Stonehouse. For a while.
Almost ... to do properly, you would need to setup up an alternate id now before you vanish .. cut all ties . , beach with rough sea .. empty bottle pills / alcohol .. and never return to your old haunts .. or contact your old mates, family ... etc ...
 
#18
Ok..
Theoretically speaking naturally

He needs to do is make it seem real, ie make everyone he knows think he is really dead.
The faking should not be too overt or flashy and should be something that is theoretically plausible.
He should not attempt contact with anyone after the stage has been set else he will be caught.
There should be a fair explanation as to why the body cannot be found.
He should be able to survive under an assumed identity for whatever duration of time is needed.

The following takes the rules above into account and assumes he needs to stay dead forever, live under an assume ID and the people looking for him a very well connected - an extreme case so to speak which may require unscrupulous morals. It also assumes that he has a little liberty and does not need to leave this second.

With these rules in mind he should first lay down the ground work. He is likely to need cash at some point and depending on the level of person tracking him down, that might mean ditching anything by which he can be tracked (bank cards, mobile, etc) so cleaning assets into untraceable currency is a first port of call.

It should be realized that the more who know what is going on, the less likely the plan is to succeed. Letting his mother know what is going on for example could be a double edged sword so he should think wisely about this.

Cash in hand, he is going to need blood - his own blood. Find a blood donation service and start giving. He will need to walk out mid donation so picking his time correctly will be down to the moment. Not much is needed so dont stay around for the tea and biscuit.

Head to a busy area where there are open communal places and taxis ready to leave. Train stations are good or a town center. Direct the taxi to another part of the town and act somewhat nervous. The point here is that you want to be distinctive to the driver but no one else around.

Take a spare jacket are something with pockets. Put you current mobile phone and something with you ID, and a little cash in one of the pockets. Empty your blood you have collected onto the jacket and put it on the seat next to you. "urgently" have the taxi stop somewhere that that you can enter which has multiple exits with a low chance of being seen on cctv. Again, you want to be very memorable to the taxi driver. Pay him abruptly and get gone. With luck the taxi driver will shortly discover the jacket and report it to police etc but he, by then should be one his way out of the town by a discrete method - bus for example.

He should keep moving until he is out of that region at least and should avoid places he has to show ID.

Provided all goes to plan, he will be away, will have a taxi man reporting what he thinks is a stabbing or similar.

The next step would be to set up a new ID which the "best" way of dealing with this is to use look up the practices of obtaining a tombstone ID - something which is considered immoral to say the least.

But anyway.. this is clearly all theoretical as I stated at the beginning. :)

He should also remember that the further down this little rabbit hole he goes, the harder it will be to get back so the above is not something he should do to get out of a parking fine.


In my opinion, making someone think you are dead is pretty much a last resort.

So.. er.. Best of luck to him I guess.
 
#19
So you missed the reference to disappearing on a Ferry then?
No no, that was a police red herring, I actually got Pinky to...

...oops!
 
#20
Cormank, one possible hole in your scenario is that blood from a collection bag will have anti-coagulant in it which will show up in forensic tests (if carried out).
 

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