Best way to endex an annoying dog

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by RancidTwat, Sep 15, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Council have moved a twat opposite my house and the knobber has an Alsatian that likes to bite anything that walks by.

    So far it's only been a another small dog but its only a matter of time before some poor kid catches it.

    Short of giving the owner good kicking, which my missus is against, I fancy just offing the dog.

    Any ideas ?
  2. Look on your council website, report it.
  3. Bum it to death.

    That way you get to indulge in all 3 of your hobbies, bum rape, cruelty to animals and necrophilia - with alsatians.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Not the dog's fault. Doesn't sound like it's been properly trained and is quite possibly being subjected to cruelty. Make an anonymous call to the RSPCA, as far as I know they're pretty good at responding to such calls and will not reveal who made the call. At best they might remove the dog from it's idiotic owner, if not then at least it might give him food for thought.
    • Like Like x 4
  5. Box of rat poison mixed with mince... not for the dog. For you, you fcuking cnut. Afterwards, as an after dinner treat, tip 5l of petrol over yourself, ensuring it gets in your eyes and then set yourself alight.

    And if you wouldn't mind getting a friend to upload it on to YouTube with the title 'I am a massive cnut who thinks it's acceptable to hurt dogs'...

    Probably only a matter of time before you're bumming some poor kid.
    • Like Like x 3
  6. Grumblegrunt

    Grumblegrunt LE Book Reviewer

    if the dog is kenneled outside at night then just pop a gallon of petrol through his letter box. job done and dog gets a nicer new owner.
  7. Grumblegrunt

    Grumblegrunt LE Book Reviewer

    or some sausages laced with skunk/prozac to mellow the dog out so the owner loses interest.
  8. Nothing better than blowing an annoying twat to bits with a sawn-off!
  9. Go across to his house and when he opens the door, twat him right in the face. Warn him to get his fucking dog under control or pay the price. Make sure he understands...
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Rub some meat pate on your knob, both you and the dog will enjoy the outcome.
  11. A pack of butchers pride mince from aldi. Finley crush up about 60 10mg diazepam and stir in well using a free range egg to bind. Roll it into a ball shape, wait until the coast is clear and throw it over the fence and let the dog tuck in. Once the dog falls over go back and knife it just to be safe.
  12. Aye because EVERYBODY has that much diazepam around! Just feed the fucker a few pounds of nice chocolate, Dairy Milk should do it!

    1oz of baking chocolate per pound body weight of dog is toxic!
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Whatever you don't let the missus catch you, they're no sense of humour these kill a few of the neighbours animals and they never shut up about it

  14. Easy to get hold of. The black guy down the market sells them. Failing that ebay sells them if you know where to look. I wouldn't waste some tasty chocolate on a twisted mutt.