Best way to endex an annoying dog

#1
Council have moved a twat opposite my house and the knobber has an Alsatian that likes to bite anything that walks by.

So far it's only been a another small dog but its only a matter of time before some poor kid catches it.

Short of giving the owner good kicking, which my missus is against, I fancy just offing the dog.

Any ideas ?
 
#3
Bum it to death.

That way you get to indulge in all 3 of your hobbies, bum rape, cruelty to animals and necrophilia - with alsatians.
 
L

lumpy2

Guest
#4
Not the dog's fault. Doesn't sound like it's been properly trained and is quite possibly being subjected to cruelty. Make an anonymous call to the RSPCA, as far as I know they're pretty good at responding to such calls and will not reveal who made the call. At best they might remove the dog from it's idiotic owner, if not then at least it might give him food for thought.
 
#5
Council have moved a twat opposite my house and the knobber has an Alsatian that likes to bite anything that walks by.

So far it's only been a another small dog but its only a matter of time before some poor kid catches it.

Short of giving the owner good kicking, which my missus is against, I fancy just offing the dog.

Any ideas ?
Box of rat poison mixed with mince... not for the dog. For you, you fcuking cnut. Afterwards, as an after dinner treat, tip 5l of petrol over yourself, ensuring it gets in your eyes and then set yourself alight.

And if you wouldn't mind getting a friend to upload it on to YouTube with the title 'I am a massive cnut who thinks it's acceptable to hurt dogs'...

Probably only a matter of time before you're bumming some poor kid.
 

Grumblegrunt

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
if the dog is kenneled outside at night then just pop a gallon of petrol through his letter box. job done and dog gets a nicer new owner.
 

Grumblegrunt

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
or some sausages laced with skunk/prozac to mellow the dog out so the owner loses interest.
 
#9
Go across to his house and when he opens the door, twat him right in the face. Warn him to get his fucking dog under control or pay the price. Make sure he understands...
 
#11
A pack of butchers pride mince from aldi. Finley crush up about 60 10mg diazepam and stir in well using a free range egg to bind. Roll it into a ball shape, wait until the coast is clear and throw it over the fence and let the dog tuck in. Once the dog falls over go back and knife it just to be safe.
 
#12
A pack of butchers pride mince from aldi. Finley crush up about 60 10mg diazepam and stir in well using a free range egg to bind. Roll it into a ball shape, wait until the coast is clear and throw it over the fence and let the dog tuck in. Once the dog falls over go back and knife it just to be safe.
Aye because EVERYBODY has that much diazepam around! Just feed the fucker a few pounds of nice chocolate, Dairy Milk should do it!

1oz of baking chocolate per pound body weight of dog is toxic!
 
#14
Whatever you don't let the missus catch you, they're no sense of humour these women..you kill a few of the neighbours animals and they never shut up about it
 
#15
Aye because EVERYBODY has that much diazepam around! Just feed the fucker a few pounds of nice chocolate, Dairy Milk should do it!

1oz of baking chocolate per pound body weight of dog is toxic!


Easy to get hold of. The black guy down the market sells them. Failing that ebay sells them if you know where to look. I wouldn't waste some tasty chocolate on a twisted mutt.
 
#17
Council have moved a twat opposite my house and the knobber has an Alsatian that likes to bite anything that walks by.

So far it's only been a another small dog but its only a matter of time before some poor kid catches it.

Short of giving the owner good kicking, which my missus is against, I fancy just offing the dog.

Any ideas ?
I'm always on my guard when I'm walking my Scottie girl, and see a German Shepherd. They are known for attacking smaller dogs, and I've had a few try it on, only one has bit her but that was enough. Any that try it now will get a dose of pepper spray, and good booting.
 
#18
I'm always on my guard when I'm walking my Scottie girl, and see a German Shepherd. They are known for attacking smaller dogs, and I've had a few try it on, only one has bit her but that was enough. Any that try it now will get a dose of pepper spray, and good booting.
Posts like this make me wish there was a dislike button. I hate when people generalise about breeds.
 
#20
Ordinarily, I would have suggested shotguns and an a field with sheep in it along with a worried farmer or something along those lines, however, I like German shepherds and I feel that the owner is the one to take the rap here. I can't abide a man who does not take the time with a dog and make sure it's not a nuisance but equally,(on the other hand) I can't tolerate someone who kicks a dog to quiet it either! The dog is a Guard dog and is doing what the breed is bred to do, nature is hard to overcome but with time (and a bit of salted water) you can break bad habits.
Alternatively, (and because it's the NAAFI) maybe try speaking to the bloke and if he won't see reason and try to train the dog, then try a priest... Not a messy as a bat and can be easily explained away as part of your fishing kit!
 

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