Best way to break up with your girlfriend!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Tom_Thumb, Dec 30, 2005.

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  1. I'd like to hear some amusing ways.....

    Especially for the "The Army or Me" types.

    Tom Thumb
  2. Just throw her in the nearest canal
  3. Fcuk her gran and take pics
  4. Wear her skin as a sports jacket. The police will help in the break up.
  5. It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again !
  6. Just keep asking her to do more and more devient sexual fantasies. She will either snap and breakup with you or become your sex slave. A win win situation.
  7. Do it by text, but as The Swedish Chef..!!. Here, I have coined a phrase for you, courtesy of this site below.

    "Du oone-a - yuoo're-a doomped yuoo sleg. By zee vey, I lengzeed ypoor seester und moom. Zeey vere-a es sheet es yuoo in zee seck...!!"
  8. Leave a card from the local clap clinic lying around or a copy of gay news
  9. Introduce her to your new girlfriend with the opener "I don't think you two have met"!
  10. Tell her you want to spit roast her, I'm a willing voluteer to be at the other end! I can't garantee she will dump you but I'll get to shoot me wad! Just promise not to wink at me!!
  11. Have sex with her in a most loving and caring fashion then when she is properly sated and full of cum, as she looks over to you during post coital cuddles and asks you if you love her simply answer......


    cue hours of tears...

    Felt like a right shit afterwards.
  12. Forget to get her chrismas present and then swear blind that it was because the cunts you ordered it from online hadn't delivered it. then wait for two weeks without coughing it up. I ave about a week left to see if it works
  13. 1. Smash Her Back Box in with a Bowling Ball gaffa Taped to a Bedford Tow Bar. Then Say You skanky hoe you make me sick.

    2. Nick a Smoke grenade. Then tell her you need to chat. Pop that fcuker and tell her to ask a troop what it means. Before she has caught up your bumming her sister.

    3. Smash her face in with an old bottle jack out of a CES kit for a 110. When she's having a her post beating snooze p1ss on her and sh1t on the bed.

    4. Most realistic. Come in one day screaming and shouting "Why would you go behind my back... & to think i loved you so much. The lads told me you had been out in town getting gripped by Winston and Lenox" She will bother you for a while but you have every excuse to go out, shag who you want and if it all goes t1ts up go back to her and say "I forgive you because i still care"
  14. Tell her that "you were going to forget the army" but then the "Corporal Matser Gunner Sergeant" ordered you to attend as you had already unwittingly signed the Oath which was disguised as a travel warrant. Tell her its ok as you can leave in the first week

    Then tell her You have been summonsed on a "special mission" which yu will go to jail for if you fail to attend as they need your unique skills. As soon as it is over you swear you will leave for her.

    Fcuk te whore as many times as you can in the meantime and video all of them so that she becomes the "leave maggot". By the time she realises it'll be too late as you can them blackmail her with the tapes if she refuses to carry out more and more deviated sexual favours.

    Remember, tehres no shame in walting face to face as long as its with a doris and it gets you a shag
  15. Agreed. That Gotta fly out to Kosovo one has worked for me twice! Third time i had to sh@g her brothers bird before bugging out in a hail of all kindsa sh1te. The brothers bird was a moose but she was wearing a short skirt and mentioned that he was a peace protester!!!

    A few lines of army speak and she'll be lost just throw in "Black ops" and "one way ticket" everynow and then. A girl still thinks that when i go away on exercise i am doing the same type of thing as on the "Wild Geese" (The inspiration for what i like to call The WaltEscape)