Best use of comedy in response to a b0llocking

#1
CSjt to a Pte. who had 'transgressed' on a course I was on a few years back, with the rest of us all stood rigidly to attention...."Who the f#ck do you think you are....Jesus Christ Almighty?" to which, one of my mates in the rear rank and in appropriate charachter voice pipes up.... "He's not the Messiah; he's a very naughty boy!"

Cue uncontrolled outburst of laughing from the entire course followed swiftly by a severe and lengthy beasting session for all of us from said CSjt. Funny as f#ck though :lol:

Edited for spelling once.
 
#2
Cpl H***cock to J/Rfn Hender***, Mons Block Peninsula Bks 1972,
"How did this bedspace get in this Feckin state"
J/Rfn Hender*** " With hard work and practice Corporal"

Glutinous fetal waste hits rapidly rotating air distribution system.
 
#3
Pull-up-a-sandbag said:
Cpl H***c*** to J/Rfn Hender***, Mons Block Peninsula Bks 1972,
"How did this bedspace get in this Feckin state"
J/Rfn Hender*** " With hard work and practice Corporal"

Glutinous fetal waste hits rapidly rotating air distribution system.
Did your Cpl always carry an abortion around in his pocket for these occasions?? 8O
 
#5
A certain gwah subaltern walking past a 4-tonner in 1 PARA lines was hit with a barrage of shouts of "ginga" from the depths of the truck. Storming up to the truck he demanded that the guilty should present themselves in the company office in 15 minutes. Brief pause... followed by an anonymous "I'm spartacus". Followed of course by the rest of the guys in the 4-tonner shouting the same. Angry red-haired, red faced, subaltern gave up at that point.
 
#9
Oyibo said:
A certain gwah subaltern walking past a 4-tonner in 1 PARA lines was hit with a barrage of shouts of "ginga" from the depths of the truck. Storming up to the truck he demanded that the guilty should present themselves in the company office in 15 minutes. Brief pause... followed by an anonymous "I'm spartacus". Followed of course by the rest of the guys in the 4-tonner shouting the same. Angry red-haired, red faced, subaltern gave up at that point.
A gwah in the Paras? Jaysus his swede & his beret must've clashed like a bastard!
 
#10
CaptainPlume said:
Oyibo said:
A certain gwah subaltern walking past a 4-tonner in 1 PARA lines was hit with a barrage of shouts of "ginga" from the depths of the truck. Storming up to the truck he demanded that the guilty should present themselves in the company office in 15 minutes. Brief pause... followed by an anonymous "I'm spartacus". Followed of course by the rest of the guys in the 4-tonner shouting the same. Angry red-haired, red faced, subaltern gave up at that point.
A gwah in the Paras? Jaysus his swede & his beret must've clashed like a bastard!
He wasn't a pretty sight I'll grant you. Pasty skin, freckles, gwah hair, and maroon beret looked like a swatch chart for a chav DIY store.
 
#11
SSM: ''SAPPER FERRET-HEAD! WHY WHEN EVERYONE ELSE ON PARADE IS IN SHIRT SLEEVE ORDER, ARE YOU WEARING A FCUKING GOPPING EXERCISE JACKET!!!!''

SPR Ferret-head: '' Cos I like it sir!!''

He didn't like it after he did a few laps of the hangers, but gave us all a good laugh anyway which was nice of him.
 
#12
CaptainPlume said:
Oyibo said:
A certain gwah subaltern walking past a 4-tonner in 1 PARA lines was hit with a barrage of shouts of "ginga" from the depths of the truck. Storming up to the truck he demanded that the guilty should present themselves in the company office in 15 minutes. Brief pause... followed by an anonymous "I'm spartacus". Followed of course by the rest of the guys in the 4-tonner shouting the same. Angry red-haired, red faced, subaltern gave up at that point.
A gwah in the Paras? Jaysus his swede & his beret must've clashed like a bastard!
Hark at you ducky! Trinny and Suzannah, eat your hearts out! :lol:
 
#13
Oyibo said:
CaptainPlume said:
Oyibo said:
A certain gwah subaltern walking past a 4-tonner in 1 PARA lines was hit with a barrage of shouts of "ginga" from the depths of the truck. Storming up to the truck he demanded that the guilty should present themselves in the company office in 15 minutes. Brief pause... followed by an anonymous "I'm spartacus". Followed of course by the rest of the guys in the 4-tonner shouting the same. Angry red-haired, red faced, subaltern gave up at that point.
A gwah in the Paras? Jaysus his swede & his beret must've clashed like a bastard!
He wasn't a pretty sight I'll grant you. Pasty skin, freckles, gwah hair, and maroon beret looked like a swatch chart for a chav DIY store.
he wasn't a welbexian transfer from the royal signals was he?
 
#14
oldcolt said:
CaptainPlume said:
Oyibo said:
A certain gwah subaltern walking past a 4-tonner in 1 PARA lines was hit with a barrage of shouts of "ginga" from the depths of the truck. Storming up to the truck he demanded that the guilty should present themselves in the company office in 15 minutes. Brief pause... followed by an anonymous "I'm spartacus". Followed of course by the rest of the guys in the 4-tonner shouting the same. Angry red-haired, red faced, subaltern gave up at that point.
A gwah in the Paras? Jaysus his swede & his beret must've clashed like a bastard!
Hark at you ducky! Trinny and Suzannah, eat your hearts out! :lol:
I'd much rather see them eating each other out.

Splumf!
 
#15
While attending a four week course at Brize norton in 1984 with other members from my unit, we were allowed the first Wednesday afternoon, normally sports, free to do whatever. Some of the lads noting the lack of any direction as to what they were expected to be doing immediately retired to the Eagle, the nearest pub to the camp to drink some English beer.
As this was in the days of the three o'clock closing they were booted out of the pub at about half past three and eventually made it back into camp just in time for the evening meal. The RAF Restaurant (don't call it a cookhouse) was nice food, outstanding compared to our usual food in BAOR and we were all in there so as not to miss out. Four of the lads from the pub were sitting on the same small, square, four person formica table and one thing leading to another, decided to have a foodfight between them. After about three seconds of custard flinging an exclusion zone existed in a circle around them as everyone had cleared out of their way.
The four of them were still sitting there as if nothing had happened and had not noticed the arrival of the WO1 in charge, just before they had redecorated the area.
He walked over and dished out a mega bollocking to all four about standards, discipline, setting an example etc.
He then turned to the most sober looking one and said.

"You. Name and last three"

Sober one "Boeing 747 sir"

Lots of laughing about the place even from the Chefs behind the hotplate. The WO1 realising he had lost the high ground told them all to go.

Needless to say we didn't get anymore Wednesday afternoons off and instead spent them rolling around practising landings
 
#16
oldcolt said:
CaptainPlume said:
Oyibo said:
A certain gwah subaltern walking past a 4-tonner in 1 PARA lines was hit with a barrage of shouts of "ginga" from the depths of the truck. Storming up to the truck he demanded that the guilty should present themselves in the company office in 15 minutes. Brief pause... followed by an anonymous "I'm spartacus". Followed of course by the rest of the guys in the 4-tonner shouting the same. Angry red-haired, red faced, subaltern gave up at that point.
A gwah in the Paras? Jaysus his swede & his beret must've clashed like a bastard!
Hark at you ducky! Trinny and Suzannah, eat your hearts out! :lol:
Couldn't be a Maureen either, treacle, you know "red and green should never be seen..."
 
#17
on a telic tour my section got spammed to go to Nasiriyah to do some random task for the eye-ties. They were a bunch of arrogant cnuts and kept on pretending they couldnt speak english! That was till some yanks tipped up and they had a few females with them, suddenly they learned english very quick.

Anyway while waiting to come back to basra we started having a kick about inside there camp, and one of the lads took his t-shirt off.

One of there officers (I think) came strutting over. He had a skin tight tshirt on and was sporting a trendy goatee!

''hey putta ya tshirt backa on, thees is notta deesco''

''then why you dressed like george michael!'' our lad hit back!

Was wasted on him really, just got a quizzical look, he probably couldn't understand his thick west country accent.

I think they liked us really, apart from knocking there front sanger down with a volvo FL12 on the way into there compound and gobbing-off to there officers, they gave us a few bottles of wine.
 
#19
An RSM to 2 tiffy students on day 1 AMT. "WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A JNCO WHO TURNED UP ON PARADE WITH BOOTS LIKE YOURS" . Answer "Severe reprimand SIR, Then CARRY ON". Worked a dream, no xtras like the DS or the other blongs who tried to make an excuse.
 

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