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Best thing you have stolen whilst drunk

A group of us who wish to remain anonymous managed to make off with half a dozen bar stools from a fairly upmarket bar we thought had over charged us in Auckland NZ.
They made rather effective battering rams to push past the bouncers outside, who in all fairness had their backs to the doors we were bomb bursting out of.
We managed to get them onto the ferry for the ride back, even through the turn stiles which was a bastard of a job in our inebriated state.
Half way through the ferry trip it suddenly occurs to the groups token intellectual that we might have to explain why we are carrying a sixpack of bar stools when we get back onto base. As it's a naval base and we're there for an AATC waste-of-taxpayers-money we figure we aren't going to get a whole lot of mercy if we pretend to be compulsive interior decorators, IKEA deliverymen or setting up a photo shoot of dogs playing poker.
In light of this sudden regard for the consequences we were forced to jettison our hard won trophies into the depths of Auckland harbour where i can only imagine they are being used to this day to prop up fish drinking like squaddies.
 
whosthedaddy said:
Rapierman said:
Is a steam roller considered a motor vehicle, as it is not powered by an internal combustion engine, same as electric bikes etc ! ? ! Be a cool rob if he got off on that one!

I think we could safely say that it is a 'Mechanically propelled vehicle' which is all you need under the Road Traffic Act for an offence of Driving under the influence. I can't be bothered to look it up fully on the PNLD but I would have gone for him on those grounds. :twisted:

Generally Naval dockyards are private land, I know a few lads who have got off on this 'technicality.' They still get hammered by the RN powers that be but few lose their licences.

When I was younger and more stupid, I got banned from driving in Pompey docks for doing 70 in a 20 zone at about 1 in the morning, didn't get a civvy punishment though.

Bearing in mind how big most dockyards are it was quite common in my day for lads to drive from their ship to the main gate, park up, go to the first pub outside the gate, get smashed then drive back to the ship to avoid the long walk.
 
3 ducks. We were cutting through a local park which has a pond with ducks and swans. At the time the thought of having ducks as pets seemed like a fantastic idea. Not so in the morning when we had to return them to the pond after being woken up at 7am by them quacking.
 
whilst under the affluence of incahol I stole the virginity of many young QA's at the QEMH in Woolwich (female QA's I hasten to add !!)

It was a rough job as most were total mingers but the ideal task for a Med Tech. Any hole's a goal and feck all scruples.
 
medman82 said:
whilst under the affluence of incahol I stole the virginity of many young QA's at the QEMH in Woolwich (female QA's I hasten to add !!)

It was a rough job as most were total mingers but the ideal task for a Med Tech. Any hole's a goal and feck all scruples.

Isn't stealing someone's virginity technically rape? Stealing is afterall taking something without the consent of the owner :D
 
intergeri said:
3 ducks. We were cutting through a local park which has a pond with ducks and swans. At the time the thought of having ducks as pets seemed like a fantastic idea. Not so in the morning when we had to return them to the pond after being woken up at 7am by them quacking.

Utter b0llocks - try catching one when sober let alone incapacitated...
 
intergeri said:
medman82 said:
whilst under the affluence of incahol I stole the virginity of many young QA's at the QEMH in Woolwich (female QA's I hasten to add !!)

It was a rough job as most were total mingers but the ideal task for a Med Tech. Any hole's a goal and feck all scruples.

Isn't stealing someone's virginity technically rape? Stealing is afterall taking something without the consent of the owner :D
i stopped someone from getting raped the other day... i let them out of my van :twisted:
 
If you're ever in Edinburgh, go to Inverleith Park with a bag of chips and look for the ducks.Maybe the ducks are just friendlier up here. Wouldn't advise it with the swans though!
 
Many moons ago, close to Christmas in Minden. My Room mate, Mac - a Pisshead of the really rough sort fell into the room at about 3 in the morning. Being used to this I just turned over and was about to go back to sleep when I heard someone playing the Guitar and singing Jingle Bells in a Quivering voice. Lo and behold, at the foot of Mac`s bet sat a young German fella, somewhat the worse for wear. He had been busking in the Pub behind the Barracks and Mac had decided that he needed to be sung to sleep. He more or less kidnapped the guy, hauled him over the Barbed wire fence and dragged him back to the block, threatening to kill him if he didn`t sing. I have never seen anybody so shit scared in all my life! - Luckily Mac was crashed the minute he hit the Matress and we managed to smuggle the guy back out without any incident.
The same Mac also returned on other occasions with a whopping great huge Petrol station sign (Westfalen I think) and a complete Roof Rack from an MP ford escort - complete with Blue lights, Sirens and MP Sign - that one cost him 28 days and a lot of beer tokens!
 
the wall murall off the wall of the chinki in omagh ,it was to big to fit in the car so we drove backto Lissanelly with the back doors open and put it in the crew room
 
intergeri said:
If you're ever in Edinburgh, go to Inverleith Park with a bag of chips and look for the ducks.Maybe the ducks are just friendlier up here. Wouldn't advise it with the swans though!

Gives a new meaning to "Swan Upping".
 
While attending a pl sigs course in Warminster, a couple of the lads (from various regts) decided that it would be a good idea to try nicking one of the cannons from outside HQ... I think they managed to shift it about 50 yards before having their collars felt 8O
 
PrayingMantis said:
intergeri said:
medman82 said:
whilst under the affluence of incahol I stole the virginity of many young QA's at the QEMH in Woolwich (female QA's I hasten to add !!)

It was a rough job as most were total mingers but the ideal task for a Med Tech. Any hole's a goal and feck all scruples.

Isn't stealing someone's virginity technically rape? Stealing is afterall taking something without the consent of the owner :D
i stopped someone from getting raped the other day... i let them out of my van :twisted:


you call it rape......I prefer to call it "surprise sex "
 
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