Best thing you have stolen whilst drunk

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LE
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#1
Just saw this extract from an RN ship's incident log. Thought it needed to be shared.

Before people start whinging about security/press etc. it is already in the public domain without my censoring.
 

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#2
Thats brilliant. I was gonna put '6 parasol's outside of a pub' but there's no way it tops that. I don't think anything can.
 
#3
i once stole a small gambian child whilst drunk.

now i don't have to worry about washing up or darning my socks =]
xxx
 

ugly

LE
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#4
Tried to borrow a chieftan from the boneheads in 84 but I bottled!
 
#5
Is a steam roller considered a motor vehicle, as it is not powered by an internal combustion engine, same as electric bikes etc ! ? ! Be a cool rob if he got off on that one!
 
#6
A feckin enormous East German banner flag from off the side of a government building. Transport works, or something, I think it was...
 
#7
A great Big Flag from the square at Tampax Mansions (Wrens base) in Malta.

My mate Jeff....a Camel back to barracks cos he couldnt find a taxi. Osnabruck Germany.

A huge Fikus (it's a plant) from a pub in Wiltshire, but I gave it back.

The virginity of several maidens, but thats another story :D
 
#9
We bagged a complete set of metal garden furniture from a pub outside Newbury. Any time we spotted headlights, we promptly sat on the chairs and pretended to play cards.
At 3am.
With a parasol.
 
#10
A life size Colonel Saunders from Salisbury KFC. (Made page 13 in the Sun)
 
#11
My twin brother and his mate stole a parking meter complete with coinage, and placed it in bed next to a Corporal. Sobering up, they bottled and decided to replace it. They bottled again when they realised that they had nicked it from in front of the local cop shop 8O
 
#13
a sign from a Milan concentration what makes it funny was we missed out on three signs as similar pissed up raiding parties had the same idea :D
 
#14
Rapierman said:
Is a steam roller considered a motor vehicle, as it is not powered by an internal combustion engine, same as electric bikes etc ! ? ! Be a cool rob if he got off on that one!
I think we could safely say that it is a 'Mechanically propelled vehicle' which is all you need under the Road Traffic Act for an offence of Driving under the influence. I can't be bothered to look it up fully on the PNLD but I would have gone for him on those grounds. :twisted:
 
#16
A group of us who wish to remain anonymous managed to make off with half a dozen bar stools from a fairly upmarket bar we thought had over charged us in Auckland NZ.
They made rather effective battering rams to push past the bouncers outside, who in all fairness had their backs to the doors we were bomb bursting out of.
We managed to get them onto the ferry for the ride back, even through the turn stiles which was a bastard of a job in our inebriated state.
Half way through the ferry trip it suddenly occurs to the groups token intellectual that we might have to explain why we are carrying a sixpack of bar stools when we get back onto base. As it's a naval base and we're there for an AATC waste-of-taxpayers-money we figure we aren't going to get a whole lot of mercy if we pretend to be compulsive interior decorators, IKEA deliverymen or setting up a photo shoot of dogs playing poker.
In light of this sudden regard for the consequences we were forced to jettison our hard won trophies into the depths of Auckland harbour where i can only imagine they are being used to this day to prop up fish drinking like squaddies.
 

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LE
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#17
whosthedaddy said:
Rapierman said:
Is a steam roller considered a motor vehicle, as it is not powered by an internal combustion engine, same as electric bikes etc ! ? ! Be a cool rob if he got off on that one!
I think we could safely say that it is a 'Mechanically propelled vehicle' which is all you need under the Road Traffic Act for an offence of Driving under the influence. I can't be bothered to look it up fully on the PNLD but I would have gone for him on those grounds. :twisted:
Generally Naval dockyards are private land, I know a few lads who have got off on this 'technicality.' They still get hammered by the RN powers that be but few lose their licences.

When I was younger and more stupid, I got banned from driving in Pompey docks for doing 70 in a 20 zone at about 1 in the morning, didn't get a civvy punishment though.

Bearing in mind how big most dockyards are it was quite common in my day for lads to drive from their ship to the main gate, park up, go to the first pub outside the gate, get smashed then drive back to the ship to avoid the long walk.
 
#18
3 ducks. We were cutting through a local park which has a pond with ducks and swans. At the time the thought of having ducks as pets seemed like a fantastic idea. Not so in the morning when we had to return them to the pond after being woken up at 7am by them quacking.
 
#19
whilst under the affluence of incahol I stole the virginity of many young QA's at the QEMH in Woolwich (female QA's I hasten to add !!)

It was a rough job as most were total mingers but the ideal task for a Med Tech. Any hole's a goal and feck all scruples.
 
#20
seen a stallwart hot wired and driven round tidworth with a bunch of drunken squaddies in the back (me being one of them)
 

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