Best Thing you ever said to your ASM and got away with?

Discussion in 'REME' started by Madtyke, Oct 23, 2007.

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  1. Coming off a 4 week exercise having been pissed about by the ASM for signing off whilst he was on leave, as Chief Clerk of the LAD I was opening the mail during the ASM's post-ex debrief with the 2 AQ's I looked up and calmly stated to the ASM "Well you haven't got your commission this time round Sir!" You could have heard a pin drop as the ASM frantically searched through the Commissioning Board Results. Debrief finished quite quickly and he went off to the mess to get pissed. Funny thing was that I was then his bestest mate when it came down to sorting out his resettlement and gardening leave. Sorry Tom!
  2. When I was in Bn, I was infront of the RSM for a misdemeanour. After the usual verbal bollocking and stick waving, I started to smirk.

    He put his pace stick right to my nose and said "There's a cnut at the end of this stick"

    To which I replied " Not my end Sir!"

    Well, fcuk me, I never heard a man shout as loud as that since!

  3. Not you as well?
  4. Old as the hills that one..........replace cunt with anything found on the sole of your boot and its still the same :roll:
  5. I once said "It was like that when i signed for it"

    After delivering a K60 or somesuch other similar powerpack with a broken firewire, due to me putting the restraining strap right on it.
  6. ASM 5 Armd Wksp asked me why I left work 5 minutes early, when we were at a pissup the same evening. I told him to F--k off and instantly offered him a drink. Doddle...
  7. That his wife made a better breakfast!
  8. ASM: F*ck me who gave you a rifle?

    Me: Same person who promoted you, Sir!

    ASM: Good one. Now, GET AWAY!

    Me: Inbound, double quick time, to Jail
  9. RSM
    Me Severe Reprimand Sir
    My Oppo Very Severe Reprimand Sir
    Me None at all Sir
    My Oppo None Sir
    We did, he got five and a bigger REPRIMAND than us.
  10. After being dragged into the ASM's office for being late for work one morning, the following exchange took place.

    ASM: Why are you late?

    Me: Car wouldn't start Sir.

    ASM: Your car is not that old, why wouldn't it start?

    Me: I wasn't in it Sir.

    ASM: At least your honest, best one I've heard for a while..take 3 extras.

    Me: Thank you Sir.
  11. Me: Another beer mate?
    ASM: Yeah rude not to
    Me: Two beers please
    Barmaid: OK
    Me: Do you remember that munter that used to hang around Pompidou's in Detmold? Sabrina? That blonde bit I used to rag now and then? Liked it up the arrse?
    ASM: I married her
    Me: Do you want a chaser with that beer mate?
  12. The RSM caught me pi$$ing in the sink in the Mess during a comfort break at a reggie dinner, not being amused at what he saw, he invited me to his office on monday morning for an interview without coffee.

    RSM "Well man....explain yourself"

    Me "Sir it wasn't what it looked like, I wash washing my c*ck"

    He gave me a disbeliving look and told me to get the flock out off his office, not even a bottle of port. Oh how I laughed
  13. I was sent to Kenya on pre advance party over Christmas, with the battalion joining us in January. Unfortunately the exercise was cancelled (what a blow). On arriving back in the LAD at around 07.00 the ASM said ‘ah glad your back CPL Blar take the day off and be back here first parade. I reply ‘I think not sir the CO has given us two weeks leave.’ With that I minces off on leave. ASM never said a word then or after.
  14. Med man 89/90 3RTR & RIR Iwas taking the place of the 3 RTR staffy as he was doin driving tests back in BAOR for Div, I was FRG 33 some sniveling CSM grassed me up to the RSM telling him the SGT Recy mech was on the piss with the lads in the JRC we had the crates stacked up for last orders and he was orderly officer, I had met up with some old fullscrew recymech mates no more said, he asked what time we were leaving I said look at the table you muppet, next day at breakfast in the mess he moved towards me like a sidewinder and said RSM wants to see you 1300 hrs, shitttt waht the fcuk did I do last night apart from calling this weasel a muppet, off to RSM I went pristine kit, he asked was I drinking in the JRC last night YES SIR I WAS, he looked at me looked at the creep and spluttered what, YES SIR I WAS , he couldnt believe i told the truth, why? he asked I said I thought JRC stood for Johns Recovery Club fcuk knows how i got out of there, he said what unit are you FRG33 on det to the 3rd of TRK sir, Sgt leave here now if you want to drink i the JRC we can arrange it, Get My drift, he was talking to my dust, ex VMA john remember that, all the 3rd of TRk sncos SSMs used to shout over to me oi john you off to the JRC tonight the sniveling twatttttttttt when red in the head and nearly dropped dead,
  15. John

    I remember it well. You didn't realise they were good times till you look back. Happy days.