Best stitch-ups!

Discussion in 'Royal Signals' started by slopey_shoulders, Oct 22, 2005.

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  1. well we have all been stitched up at one point in the corps, so from being told to collect the key for the hf window to seeing the qm for tartan paint what are the top stitch ups that we have come across????
  2. old classics such as.

    fetch a pair of fallopian tubes

    glass hammer for fine adjustments

    ignition keys for the 432 ambulance

    Keys for the drill shed

    This thread could run for years
  3. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Future stitch-ups ?

    Don't know if it has been used but how about:

    a. recommendingyour Boss to sign up for ARRSE saying that he/she can check up on his guys while slagging his bosses and no-one will know who he/she is


    b. as a Boss recommending your troops to do same as in a.

    In both cases, suggest a username, or say that the system will only accept (whatever you tell him/her)

    I think that in b. were tried then he/she would be too late! :wink:
  4. Go get spark plugs for the 43

    Go get a HF sky key
  5. Sent to tech for some tappet clearances :(
  6. I worked with a lad who had a very big, expensive pedigree dog which was his pride and joy. Another bloke in the troop put an advert in the Sixth Sense advertising it with the line "Free to a good home, expensive dog, good with kids if you feed it". The retaliation for all the phone calls he got was that the other guy was a Corps Golfer, and was on his way out to Bruggen to play in a championship. While he was getting ready to go, his putter and balls were stolen out of his golf bag.

    It turned into about a year of tit for tat stitch ups.

  7. DieHard

    DieHard LE Book Reviewer

    Sent a couple of sprogs over to the armoury at Bassingbourn once to get some rounds for the indoor mortar range, they got sent back and asked for a requisition form.
    I sent them back with a note in a sealed envelope. One hour later they returned empty handed to see us pis*ing ourselves with laughter. They took it all in good fun even though it was a 3 mile round trip . Teach them to fall asleep in one of my lessons .
  8. once got a lad to ring colerne and ask them to switch the lights on on the satalite so we could find it. came bag with a flee in his ear from raf geezer on the other end
  9. when i was at 30 sigs and serving in the gurkha sqn, we were showing some new gurkhas how to get a bedford ready for servicing- one of the brit lads asks a gurkha to fetch him a left handed screw driver from the mt. so off toddles the gurkha on a mission to get a lefthanded screwdriver, the gurkha mt sgt tells him to come back after naafi break! laugh we p1ssed ourselves at the time.
  10. Will deployed during Gulf war 2 with 280 Sigs we were set up in a shitehole Turkish camp. To relieve the boredom on the comms vehicles all the lads decided to go on Lycos Chat mmm this could be fun. After being on it for a few weeks we got friendly with a chick in UK and the plan was to stitch up one of the lads named Ritchie who would chat up anything he could get his hands on. The ball was set in motion.

    One of the Lads Steve went onto Lycos chat and pretended he was a girl named Racheal Hunter from Kent and it was his/her job to get Ritchies attention. Well you can imagine it didn't take long for Ritchie to notice Racheal and they got chatting. Step 1 complete.

    After a few days they wre getting to know one another ha ha. And it wasn't long before Ritchie was asking for pictures of the said Racheal. We sent a so called picture of Racheal a gorgeous girl from Hot or Not yes this was working a treat. After viewing the photo Ritchie had the hots for Racheal bigtime and sent a photo of himself in uniform Step 2 Complete.

    A few more days went by and the photos that Ritchie was sending were getting should I say a lack of uniform on firstly top off then total stark bollock naked lying on his bed bloody hell. Coming out of the shower etc until one day he asked for more photos from Racheal we kept putting it off as we had only one photo from Hot or Not but promised him in one or two days. Step 3 Complete.

    This went on for about 4 weeks with the constant photos being sent by Ritchie total bollock naked and now with raging hard on. On witnessing these photos in the opposite vehicle where Steve Racheal Hunter was we decided it is time to pull the plug after laughing so hard I nearly fell off the steps. The rest of the crew took a photo of us holding cards HOOK LINE AND SINKER RACHEAL HUNTER 2003. We emailed this to Ritchie who then asked how did you get Racheal Hunters email address the dumb ass had still not cottoned on that he had been wound up by the rest of the crew. The photos of his stonker were later released to guys in Bruggan oh dear oh my. He saw the funny side eventually.

    The moral of the story don't trust anyone on Chat rooms, things may not be what they seem
    Question? Who was taking the nudy photos of him coming out the shower and lying on his bed with a raging hard on? His room mate of course mmmm things are not what they seem.

  11. I sent a particulaly arrogant young Craftsman to the ASM with a signed envelope and a Army chainsaw. I told him that the envolope contained a 1043 for the knackered chainsaw, the ASM was the only person who could sign it. He waited 15 mins before marching in to the stickman, he handed over a note which said " Give me all of your money, you prick or I will cut your Fecking desk in half"

    Luckley a warning phone call to the ASM prior to the visit saved him from hell.
  12. having only just arrived from the factory one of the new mechs was sent to the techs with some rechargable batteries to be charged on the 252, several weeks of said mech asking tech staffy have you charged those batteries yet, kangaroo court ensues young mech being accused of bullying.
  13. Of course you did, shortly before playing freckles and signing out the keys to the indoor mortar range.